


Lost & Found

by TwelveTimes12



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 62,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2952944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwelveTimes12/pseuds/TwelveTimes12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is NOT from the Miss You More universe.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT from the Miss You More universe.

PRESENT DAY

"We found her buckled up in an upside down Jeep that had flipped into an embankment. She has no memory prior to the rescue." The doctor explained to the police officer. "At least that's what we've been able to piece together. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone. She seems depressed. We still aren't sure the crash was an accident."

...

TWO DAYS EARLIER

"Baby, can you please take my bags to the car? Oh, and don't forget to pick up our wedding invitations while I'm gone." Ali reminded her fiancé of the to-do list she had written for her. 

"I know. I know." Ash answered. She was a little annoyed that Ali had planned her days for her for while she was gone. She was a lot annoyed that Ali was leaving.

"Ash, don't be grumpy. I'm sorry I have to leave, but it won't be long."

Ash rolled her eyes and said, "Why do you have to go, anyway? The last time you worked with them they treated you like a piece of meat. I don't like you being there without me." 

"I know. Their photographer was a total creep. But with our wedding coming up, I'm not gonna pass up work." Ali answered. 

Ashlyn was referring to a sportswear company who had hired a photographer who constantly hit on Ali. He went as far as to corner her and ended up getting too 'handsy' with her. Ash was furious about the entire incident, but Ali begged her to let it go.

"Alex, I really don't want you to work with them." 

"I can't bail on them now at the last minute." Ali protested. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do it."

"Whatever..." Ash replied and sighed loudly. She was so done with Ali, at the moment.

"Don't be mad." Ali said and followed her fiancé out of the room. 

"Don't be mad?" Ash repeated. "You are totally disregarding my opinion. You shouldn't go. That's it. You're basically telling them that it's ok to treat women disrespectfully."

"Ash, you're making a huge deal out of something that isn't a big deal. I have to work. That's it. Besides this is my decision. Not your's! So get over it." Ali bit back. 

She felt that Ashlyn was being too protective and slightly controlling. She wasn't going to put up with that.

"Whatever, Alex. Do whatever you want. That's what you always do, anyways!" Ash left and slammed the door behind her. 

Ali was going to have to carry her own luggage to the car.

...

Ashlyn made it back just in time to drive her fiancé to the airport. There was a chill in the air between the two women on the way. 

"Ash?" Ali said softly as she unbuckled her seat belt. Ashlyn had pulled up to the curb of the drop off area instead of parking and walking in with Ali, like usual. "Don't be mad."

Ashlyn turned her head away from Ali and continued to give her the silent treatment. If Ali was going to disregard her so easily, she wasn't going to be in any hurry to make things right.

"Ok..." Ali said. "I love you. I won't be gone long. See you soon." She said, trying to sound as positive as possible.

That night they both fell asleep on different ends of the country, missing the warmth of one another. 

The next day, Ali had tried to call her fiancé, but Ashlyn ignored her every time. Ali knew she had upset her stubborn fiancé. She hoped that she wouldn't have to spend the rest of her time away in the dog house. 

...

PRESENT DAY

Ali woke up suddenly and knew that something was wrong. She had a sick feeling in her stomach. Her chest felt heavy. She felt as though the universe had shifted. Something horrible had happened. She didn't know what it was, but she knew she needed to get a hold of Ashlyn.

...

"Pick up. Pick up." Ali said nervously. Unfortunately her plea was met with Ashlyn's voicemail message.

"Hey, this is Ash. Leave a message." Ashlyn's recorded voice said. 

"Baby, please call me when you get this message. I'm so sorry. I need to hear from you." Ali begged. 

Ali hung up and then right away called again. 

"Hey, this is Ash. Leave a message."

...

"Miss, look up at me please." The doctor said. Ash wasn't cooperating with the medical staff. The doctor tried to shine a light into Ashlyn's eyes to see if they were dilated. A simple procedure that would normally take a few seconds took almost ten minutes. 

Ashlyn had no idea who she was. All she knew was that there was a suffocating weight on her chest. She didn't care to cooperate with the doctors because she didn't care to live.

For some reason she knew that it didn't matter. 

There was more missing than just her identity. She didn't know what it was, but it was too much for her to bear.

...

"Hey, this is Ash. Leave a message."

"Ashlyn Michelle! Please!!!" Ali exhaled loudly onto her fiancé's voicemail. "Baby, I'm coming home early. I can't stand being away from you, especially when you're mad at me."

Ali caught the next flight home.

...

"Ash!" Ali yelled as she pushed through the front door of their shared house. "Ashlyn?" Ali searched all of the rooms of the small house and started to cry when she found Ashlyn's phone on the kitchen counter. She checked to see if at least Ash and seen that she called, but knew something was really wrong when Ash's phone revealed that it hadn't been touched for two days. 

Ashlyn never got her messages.

...

"Mom, I don't know what to do. I've called the police and all of the hospitals in the area and no one has anyone matching her description. It's like she just disappeared." Ali explained. Her mother could hear her voice tremble in fear.

"Honey, she probably needed a break. You said you got into a fight. She wasn't expecting you home for two more days. She probably is fine and has no idea what you're going through." Deb said, trying to encourage her daughter.

"No, Mom. Something's not right. I can feel it. Ashlyn's in trouble. I have to find her." 

...

Ashlyn pulled at the white hospital linens that covered her. She pushed them aside as she sat up and swung her legs over the bed. She felt a dizzy haze pound in her head from the quick movement. She brought her hand up to the huge bump on the back of her head and grimaced at the sharp pain from touching it.

Ashlyn slowly made her way to the small window in the room and searched for some kind of answer to who she was and what had brought her to the hospital. Nothing looked familiar to her. 

She closed her eyes hard and when she opened them her focus shifted to her reflection in the glass. She brought a hand up to the window and outlined her face with her fingertips. 

"Who are you?" Ash asked the reflection. Her voice was rough and quiet from the lack of use. 

Ashlyn was deeply wounded. Her head injury would heal, she may or may not get her memory back, but that wasn't the wound she was suffering the most from. Ashlyn's heart was aching and she didn't know why.

...

"We ran Jane Doe's plates and found an address. We're gonna send an officer there to see if we can find anything else out about this woman." The officer informed the doctor.

...

"The police say your name is Ashlyn Harris. Does that sound familiar?" A nurse asked her confused patient.

"Sorta." Ash answered honestly.

"Don't you worry. We're gonna find your family." She promised.

"Ok." Ash said. She didn't know if that was a good thing or not. She didn't know anything.

...

A man in his forties dressed in a neatly pressed uniform knocked hard on the front door of the address he had been given for Ashlyn's Jeep.

The door opened to reveal a man in his twenties.

"Sir, I'm here looking for a family member of Ashlyn Harris." The officer said.

"Who?" The man asked.

"Ashlyn Harris. She was in a car accident and this is the address that popped up when we ran her plates." He explained.

"Oh, sorry. Maybe she lived here before my wife and I moved in. I've never heard of her." 

"Thank you for your time." The officer said and left to try to find someone that could help the poor woman at the hospital.

...

"A-S-H-L-Y-N. Ashlyn." Ali carefully spelled out her fiancé's name for the officer. 

"How long has she been missing?" 

"Two days...that I know of." Ali answered. 

She was sitting in a busy police station with her dad. He kept an arm around her to transfer as much strength and support as he could. Ali was a wreck. 

"Were you two fighting before this disappearance?" The officer asked.

"She wouldn't just leave me!" Ali answered angrily. "She wouldn't leave me." She repeated again, but this time with a quiet sadness.

"Ma'am I'm just trying to get as many details as I can, so we can find your fiancé." The officer explained.

"I'm sorry." Ali apologized. "I'm just scared I'm going to lose her. I feel like I already have."


	2. You Left Me

"Ma'am thank you for coming all the way out here. I understand it was a bit of a drive for you." The officer said. He escorted Ali and her parents into an empty interrogation room and gestured for them to take a seat. "Sorry to bring you in here, but all our other rooms are taken."

"No problem." Ali said quickly. She wanted to rush things along as much as possible. "You found her?" Ali asked.

"We believe so. But before we can let you see her, the doctor asked that we make sure you are who you say you are. Apparently, she is quite troubled. Her doctor doesn't want to upset her any more than necessary." The officer explained.

Ali listened carefully to the man's words and felt a terrifying fear rise up within her. What had happened to her fiancé that would elicit such cautious treatment?

"I'm sorry to have to do it this way but we don't have a lot to go on, as far as identification for her." The man opened up a folder and revealed a picture of the wreckage from Ashlyn's accident. "Does this vehicle look familiar to you?" 

Ali knew it was Ashlyn's Jeep by the U.S. Soccer decal on the window. She wished it wasn't her fiancé's vehicle. The image she saw was horrific. She couldn't believe anyone could have survived the crash.

Ali cleared her throat and took a sharp breath before saying that it was Ash's Jeep. She fought hard to keep her emotions at bay. 

"Miss, there are a few things you need to know before you see her." The man said. He stood up and continued, "The hospital psychologist will be able to explain in more detail when we get there, but the accident is still being investigated. Because there were no tire marks on the street it appears that she made no effort to stop. She is acting very distant and agitated with the medical staff. She's being evaluated for psych issues. Proceed with caution once we get there. She hasn't been very welcoming to visitors." He explained.

"She'll want to see me!" Ali insisted. She was angry that this man would assume that she wouldn't be accepted by the love of her life. 

"Miss, I hope that is the case, but she seems to be very confused. If I were you, I wouldn't take it personal if she doesn't remember you."

...

Ash beat her head with her fists. She couldn't organize her thoughts to think straight. The chaos of the accident and flashes of what might be memories swirled around in her brain like a tornado. She tried to close her eyes to rest and put her pain to sleep, but there was no peace for Ashlyn. 

A nurse rushed to her side and put a temporary end to her misery with a shot of medication that would put her mind at ease and would still her body.

Ashlyn's eyes rolled back into her head and they closed as she lost consciousness. 

...

"Hello, Mrs....?" The hospital psychologist said as she greeted an overwhelmed and anxious Ali. 

"Krieger." Ali answered. She almost said Krieger-Harris to let her know her relationship to Ashlyn, but chickened out at the last second.

"Ashlyn has just been sedated, so you can see her, if you want. I must warn you to be careful when she wakes up. She has been combative with some of the doctors and nurses. Her lack of memory has caused her to feel vulnerable and controlled by fear. Hopefully, she will recognize you. She could use someone who will make her feel safe." 

"I have to see her now. Please!" Ali begged. She had heard enough. She needed to be by Ashlyn's side.

"Of course."

The woman led Ali to Ashlyn's room and told her to use the emergency call button if anything happens. She re-emphasized the importance of using caution when approaching and dealing with Ashlyn. 

Ali nodded in understanding, but knew that her Ashlyn was in there somewhere, and she was committed to doing whatever it took to find her.

...

Ali had fallen asleep in a chair next to Ashlyn. She held on to Ash's hand and drifted off while she was praying for her fiancé to come back to her.

Ali was woken up when she felt Ashlyn's hand jerk out of her grasp. Her mind raced back to the conversation about Ashlyn being combative and her eyes flicked over to the emergency call button on the side of Ashlyn's bed. She surveyed her love's face and saw that she was still asleep.

Ashlyn was dreaming. Ali could tell it wasn't a pleasant dream. Ashlyn looked terrified.

"Ashlyn, wake up." Ali said and gently shook her fiancé. Ali watched as Ash's legs and arms thrashed in the bed. "Baby, wake up. You're ok." Ali pressed their foreheads together and said, "Baby, you're safe. I'm here now."

Ali heard a soft moan come from Ashlyn and watched as her face relaxed. She continued to speak quiet encouragement into Ash's ear and felt Ashlyn's entire body relax. 

"You're safe. I'm here." Ali repeated over and over. Ashlyn completely settled down. She remained asleep, but her face seemed more peaceful than before. Ali felt hopeful that Ashlyn would be ok.

...

Ali watched Ashlyn begin to stretch her legs in the way that she always does when she's just waking up. She knew she only had a few moments before she would find out if her fiancé remembered her, or not. She bit her bottom lip and waited nervously.

Ashlyn groaned as she felt a pulsating pain in her head. She reached up and found the source of the pain with her hand. The bump on her head reminded her of where she was and brought back the few memories she still had left. All that she could remember were things she had been told about after the accident. 

She rolled to her side to try and hide her face in her pillow. 

That's when she saw her.

Ali was looking back at her with kind golden brown eyes. 

"Hey." Ash greeted with little emotion.

"Hi." Ali replied. She was doing what she was told and trying to be careful.

Ashlyn stared at her for several long moments before she buried her face in the bed to try and block out the sharp pain in her head.

Ali watched Ashlyn push down hard on her head and knew that she was uncomfortable. 

"Ashlyn, do you need a doctor?" Ali asked with concern.

"Huh? What?" Ash said and turned her head to look at Ali.

"Are you in pain?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn could clearly see that the woman in front of her was deeply worried about her. She made her feel strangely calm.

"Yeah." Ash said softly. Although if she had been honest she would've told Ali that the pain wasn't as all-consuming as it was before she had felt Ali's kindness.

Ali's presence seemed to have cast some kind of spell on Ashlyn. She didn't know what it was about the woman, but she knew she had to find out.

"I'll get a doctor!" Ali said and stood up to leave. Ashlyn reached for Ali and stopped her.

"Wait! Don't go." Ash begged.

Ashlyn's words brought back a fuzzy memory. She let go of Ali and felt a sort of déjà vu. She could've sworn she had asked the brunette 'not to go' before. 

Ali turned just in time to see Ashlyn's eyes glaze over and her mind disappear to another place. While Ashlyn was trying to sort through the confusion, Ali returned to her side. She held her hand through the flashback. The fragmented memory brought back a feeling of anger and hurt. Ashlyn didn't know why she felt this way, but she couldn't ignore it either.

"Who are you?" Ashlyn asked angrily. Her tone was accusing and defensive.

"Ashlyn, you're ok. You're safe." Ali said. She knew something had changed and didn't want to set Ash off.

"Who are you?" Ash asked again. She began to back herself up against the other side of the bed in order to get as far away as she could from the stranger in front of her. 

"Ash...I'm...um...I'm Ali." Ali answered. She took a step back from the bed and put her hands up in the air in plain sight. "I'm your fiancé. I'm not here to hurt you." 

"My fiancé?" Ash asked. She was trying hard to remember. She wanted to remember more than anything else in the world.

"Yes. Baby, I'm not going to hurt you." Ali promised.

"I...I...I can't remember." Ash confessed sadly. "I don't know why I feel so alone." 

Ashlyn's confession broke Ali's heart. She would've given all she had to fix this for Ashlyn. 

"Ashlyn, it's ok. You feel alone, but you're not. As long as I'm breathing you will never be alone. I promise you that." Ali replied.

Ashlyn slowly moved back toward Ali's side of the bed. Her eyes bounced from Ali to her hand and willed for Ali to reach for her. 

Ashlyn may not have known her own mind or even herself, but Ali still knew her better than anyone else on the planet. She slowly moved to hold Ashlyn's hand and carefully watched for Ashlyn's approval. When she saw her fiancé slightly smile, she knew that she had read the signals correctly.

"Ash, how much pain are you in?" Ali asked. She was glad to help Ashlyn, but knew she could only do so much. Ashlyn needed medical help.

"Um, a little bit." Ash answered. "Uh, you're helping." She said honestly. She felt like it was a risk to be so open with Ali, but she believed Ali when she said she was safe.

"That's sweet." Ali replied. "I want to make sure we get you all fixed up. I'm gonna get someone in here who can help take care of some of that pain."

"Please don't leave." Ash begged. She thought Ali was going to leave her side to get a doctor. She couldn't bare to lose her only friend.

"I won't leave. I'm staying right here." Ali smiled to assure Ash that she was telling the truth. She pushed the emergency button and waited steadfastly at Ashlyn's side.

A nurse had come initially, but when Ali told her what was going on she left to get a doctor. The doctor arrived a few minutes later.

"Miss Harris, the nurse tells me you're experiencing some pain." The doctor said.

Ash looked over to Ali and after her fiancé gave a reassuring nod Ash answered. "My head hurts." 

"Let me take a look." The doc said and pushed the button that moved Ash's bed to a sitting position. He put both hands gently on Ashlyn's head to try to move it forward enough to see the wound. Ash flinched as soon as he touched her.

Ali squeezed her hand to remind her of her presence and said, "Ash, he's here to help. It's ok." 

Ashlyn closed her eyes and held her breath. She anxiously waited for him to stop touching her.

"Miss Harris, I need you to relax. Can you open your eyes for me?" He asked.

"Baby open your eyes, please." Ali encouraged. She rubbed her thumb back and forth on Ashlyn's hand.

Ash slowly opened her eyes and let the doctor do his light test. The light hurt her head, but she didn't try to fight it this time.

"I'm gonna have a nurse give you something to help with the pain." The doctor announced. He gave his attention to Ali and said, "You've made a big difference here." He smiled and left the women to wait for the nurse.

Ali smiled at the thought that she was actually helping Ashlyn. Ash caught her unconscious response and asked her, "What do I call you?"

"Huh? What was that?" Ali asked. 

"You called me 'baby' earlier. What do I call you?" She asked.

"You call me a lot of things." She answered with a laugh. She felt bad when she saw that Ash didn't get the joke. "You call me 'babe' a lot and 'Princess.' Sometimes you make up funny nicknames like..." Ali stopped to chuckle and said, "...'Babezilla' or 'Lady loves-a-lot." Ali couldn't help but smile at her goofy fiancé's terms of endearment.

"That's weird." Ash replied. 

"I think it's sweet." Ali answered. "But my favorite is when you call me 'Alex.' That's what my family calls me. You're my family." 

"Hmm..." Ash hummed in concentration. "I think I like 'Babezilla' the best." Ash laughed.

It was the first real smile Ali had seen from her fiancé since they were reunited. Her heart soared seeing Ashlyn act like her old self again.

"You would like that the best." Ali answered with a grin.

"Ali?" Ash said in a serious tone. "Am I a good person?" She asked. 

"You're the best person I know!" Ali answered confidently.

"When I first got here, I felt like maybe I wasn't a good person." Ash confessed. "When the doctors were trying to help me, I just kept thinking that it would be better if I had died in the accident." Ash started to get emotional. When she looked back up at Ali she had tears in her eyes. "Why would I think that?" 

"Baby, I don't know." Ali answered. She took a risk and sat down on the side of the bed next to Ashlyn. She waited to see how Ash would respond. 

Ashlyn moved over to make space for Ali. Ali interpreted that as an invitation. She laid down next to Ash and her heart almost burst when Ashlyn rolled onto her shoulder. Ali held on to her and breathed in the smell of her beloved. She wanted to cry. She had missed Ashlyn's touch more than she realized.

"Ash, we had a little fight before I left on a business trip. Maybe you felt bad about that. You weren't the one to blame. You were just trying to protect me, but it ended up in an argument. Both of us don't do well when we're fighting." Ali said. She had a feeling their 'little' fight had left a lasting impression on Ashlyn. 

"Oh." Ash replied and then stiffened. A piece of her memory came back and she said with a hint of pain in her voice...

"You left me."


	3. Break Up

"You left me." Ash said sadly.

"Ash, I went on a business trip. I didn't leave you." Ali explained.

"I think..." Ash started to explain but words fell short. She didn't know what she was feeling and knew even less about what she was remembering. 

"I think it's something else." Ash said. "Did we break up, or something?"

All the color from Ali's face washed out. She hoped Ash wouldn't press for more details. She didn't know how she would handle this particular memory.

"Ali?" Ash needed to know.

"We did break up once." Ali answered. "It was the worst mistake of my life. I broke your heart." She confessed.

Ashlyn's face scrunched up in confusion and she asked, "Why did you break my heart?" 

Ashlyn's voice was small and innocent. Ali could hardly take it.

"I was living in Germany at the time. You were in the states playing for a team in New York." Ali cleared her throat and continued hesitantly. "The distance was too much. It was really hard on both of us. We ached for each other." 

Ashlyn knew what Ali meant. When she was first found and completely alone, she felt an unexplainable ache. It left the moment she saw Ali.

"Anyway, I made a mistake. There was someone else. She was on my team and we had become good friends. Her availability seemed better than the constant pain of missing you. She distracted me from my longing for you. She had romantic feelings for me and convinced me that it was worth a try...especially since things were so hard for us at the time." 

Ali took a quick break from the story to get her emotions under control. She was telling her scared and confused fiancé about the biggest regret of her life. She knew that the whole truth might change Ashlyn's willingness to continue a relationship with her.

"I um...called you and told you there was someone else. We hadn't done anything. I didn't cheat!" Ali said emphatically. "But you interpreted that I did. You felt betrayed and hung up on me. I tried calling...so many times. You wouldn't answer. I knew right away that I had made a mistake, but it was too late."

"I didn't let you explain?" Ash asked.

"No. It was my fault. I should've never even considered breaking up with you. I was young and scared. Whitney had told me that she could hear you late at night in your room crying. She knew it was about me. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong." Ali explained.

Ashlyn took in the new information and didn't know what to think. She did have one question, though.

"Who's Whitney?" Ash asked.

"She's your best friend." Ali answered. She was thankful Ash didn't ask a more difficult question.

"I thought you were my best friend." Ash said confused.

Ali smiled at the thought. There was no one in the world that loved Ashlyn more than she did. "She's your best friend who isn't me. We are definitely best friends." Ali said with a small smile.

"Hmm." Ash hummed in deep concentration. She was trying to piece everything together. "How did we get back together? What made me forgive you?" Ash asked.

"The next time I saw you was at a national team camp. You avoided me as long as you could, but both of our play on the field was suffering. You agreed to talk with me to try and fix things on the pitch."

"And I forgave you after that talk?" Ash asked.

"No. I wish." Ali answered honestly. "You said you understood, and you even said that you forgave me, but you didn't. You still struggled with getting over the feeling that I might consider cheating on you. The fact that we were so far apart, made it worse." Ali stopped the story to make sure Ash was clear about a detail in the story. "I never cheated and I would never do that to you." 

Ash nodded in understanding, but Ali couldn't help but worry that she wasn't convinced. 

"It wasn't until I asked you to move to Germany, that you really came back to me." Ali explained. "We had gotten back together but you were being careful. You held back from really letting me in. When you moved to Germany, you saw that I was serious. You knew I was your's and your's alone."

"How did I know?" Ash asked curiously. She needed to know that very thing right now. She needed to be confident in Ali and her intentions.

"My family had come to visit and my brother, Kyle talked to you. He said that he had never seen me so happy than when I was so close to you. You told me that you had noticed too, but that he confirmed it to you." 

Ali took a deep breath before finishing her thought. She began to shake and Ashlyn noticed. Ash wiped at a few loose strands of Ali's hair and encouraged her to go on. 

"Ashlyn, that was the biggest mistake of my life. I can't begin to describe to you how much it destroyed me knowing that I had hurt you like that. But I promise you, with every fiber of my being, I know that this one thing is true...We belong together."

Ashlyn slightly nodded in agreement. She was beginning to trust the woman who had not left her side since she arrived. 

...

"Do you remember anything about that day?" Ali asked. 

Ash was waiting to be discharged from the hospital. She hated all the fuss that her accident and injury had created.

"Uh, not really. I mean not before the accident, if that's what you mean." Ash answered.

Ali debated whether to bring up the question of if she had done it on purpose or not. If Ashlyn really didn't remember, then maybe it was better not to bring it up at all.

"Ali, where do I live?" Ash asked. She sounded like a child trying to find their way home.

"We live in a small house about an hour from here." Ali answered. 

"We live together?" Ash asked.

Ali smiled and wondered if Ash would still feel comfortable sharing a life with her. It had just dawned on her that perhaps Ash wouldn't want the life they had promised to have with one another.

"We have lived together for a couple of years now. Our first place was a small apartment close to the soccer field where we play. We moved into our house, which is a little further away but in a better neighborhood. It's a perfect starter house." Ali explained. She pulled out her cell phone and found a few pictures of the house they shared.

Ashlyn slowly and carefully looked through the pictures Ali had pulled up. Ali pointed out the back yard where Ashlyn had planned to teach their future children about being a goalkeeper. Ali showed Ash a picture of a dog they were thinking about adopting from a local shelter.

As they continued to scroll through the pictures Ali moved on to some of the other pics. Most of them were of the two of them and had stories behind them. Ashlyn seemed to genuinely enjoy hearing about their times together. 

In the middle of a story about Ashlyn almost getting arrested for long boarding in the middle of the street, Ali's phone rang. She opted to ignore the call and continued with the story. 

Nothing was more important to her than helping Ashlyn remember their life together.

"You could've answered that." Ash said. She didn't expect Ali to ignore her life just to take care of her.

"This is more important." Ali said. She swiped to another picture and explained the context of Ash wearing a bread basket on her head.

Ashlyn watched Ali's face light up as she told the story. She wondered if her face did that a lot when they were together.

Ali's phone rang two more separate times before Ash convinced her to go ahead and answer. 

"Hello?" Ali answered and sat down on the edge of Ash's bed.

Ashlyn rested her head against Ali and listened to her side of the conversation. Ash felt exhausted from the new information she was trying hard to remember.

"I'm unavailable right now for that." She heard Ali say. Ali mindlessly took Ashlyn's hand and brought it into her lap.

"I don't have a timetable for our return. I'm going to have to let you know later." 

Ashlyn paid close attention and tried hard to figure out what Ali was talking about. At first she felt guilty for eavesdropping and then remembered that they were engaged and it probably wasn't an intrusion of Ali's privacy. 

"Yes, I understand. But there's no way I'm leaving now." Ali was doing her best to convince the person on the other side of the call that she wasn't going to do what they wanted her to do. 

"Then that's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm really sorry. I will call you when things change." Ali said, obviously irritated and hung up without saying goodbye.

"Uh...Is everything ok?" Ash asked. She didn't want to pry into Ali's private business. 

"Yeah, everything's fine." Ali answered insincerely. 

"I'm confused but I'm not dumb." Ash replied. Her response shocked Ali. She wasn't expecting Ash to get defensive.

"I don't think you're dumb." Ali answered. She held on to Ashlyn's hand with both of her own hands.

"You don't have to pretend that everything is ok. I can tell it's not." Ash said.

"Sorry. That was US Soccer asking about when we will return. There's a tournament coming up and we have camp in a few days." 

"And..." Ash said, prompting Ali to further explain.

"And what?" Ali asked. She didn't want to upset Ashlyn. She would prefer to keep things as easy as possible.

"And what else did they say?" Ash clarified.

"It's nothing. They said that our positions are very competitive and they can't guarantee there will be a place for us when we're ready to return. Ash, it's not important. Please don't even think twice about it." 

"I don't like you missing out on something because of me." Ash answered. She pulled her hand out of Ali's grasp and sat up straight. "You should go." 

"Ashlyn, I'm not leaving you. That's not an option for us." Ali replied.

"I'm not going to let you stay. I get a say, too!" Ash argued. "I'm not gonna let you miss out on something because you feel obligated to take care of me because of something I can't even remember." 

"Love isn't an obligation, Ashlyn. It doesn't matter if you remember, or not. I remember. I have nothing if I don't have you. I'm not going anywhere." Ali argued.

Ashlyn didn't know what to say. She didn't really want Ali to leave, but she felt guilty that she was the reason for her to stay. She felt overwhelmed with emotion and confusion. She couldn't figure out the right thing to do, or say. 

"Baby, I made the mistake of leaving you once. I'm never going to do that again." Ali added.

Ashlyn chewed on the inside of her cheek and contemplated what should be done. She didn't want Ali to give up something for her. She felt that she probably really loved the woman. She didn't want to be selfish. She didn't want to live with regret either.

"Can we maybe talk about this later?" Ash asked. She was more confused than ever.

"We can do whatever you want." Ali answered.

...

The doctor did one last examination of Ashlyn. A nurse followed with discharge papers and explained to Ali the follow up care needed to ensure that Ashlyn had the best chance of getting better. Ali paid close attention to every detail and promised to do everything in her power to help Ashlyn heal. 

The hospital psychologist was the last person to sign off on Ashlyn's release. 

"It appears that Ashlyn isn't a risk to anyone or herself. We feel good about releasing her into your care. If something comes up, please give us a call." The woman handed Ali a business card and then turned her attention to Ashlyn. "Try to take it easy and be patient with yourself. Let your fiancé know if you're feeling down or overwhelmed." 

Ashlyn agreed to follow her instructions, but didn't like the way she was treating her. 

Once the woman left, Ash made her feelings known.

"I hate her. She was talking to you about me like I'm not even here."

"Yeah, that was a little weird. Don't take it personal. She probably does that to everybody." Ali said, trying to smooth things over for her fiancé.

"She thinks I'm crazy. She thinks I don't know what's going on." Ashlyn added.

"You're not crazy."

"I know that!" Ash replied 

"Baby, we never have to see or talk to her again. Ok? Try not to let her bother you." Ali said.

"Yeah, ok." Ash answered as she watched Ali put the woman's business card in her pocket. She wondered if Ali thought she was crazy, too.

"Are you ready to go home?" Ali asked.

"Yeah." Ash answered. "Let's get out of here."


	4. Tied Together

"So, this is our room." Ali said as she opened the bedroom door. She had given Ashlyn a tour of their house before finishing up at their room. "You can sleep in here, and I can sleep in the guest room, if you'd be more comfortable." 

Ashlyn hadn't even thought about sleeping arrangements. It made sense for them to have separate beds for a while, at least until Ashlyn knew Ali a little better. But it also made sense for Ali to stay by Ashlyn's side. Ash honestly didn't know if she could make it alone.

"Ok." Ash said, agreeing to the new sleeping arrangements. She couldn't think of a good reason to give for Ali to stay with her in their room.

Ali sensed that Ashlyn was discouraged and tried to lighten the mood. "You'll have your own bathroom. That's fun." She said with a smile. 

"Yeah." Ash answered with a forced grin.

"Ash, are you ok?" 

"I don't know." Ashlyn answered. She sat down on their bed and lowered herself into the fetal position. She was completely lost. Nothing felt familiar to her. Her home was just another house. 

Ali didn't know what to do. She wanted to hold Ashlyn, but her fiancé had just agreed that it would be better for them to have separate rooms. She didn't want to make Ash feel worse by making her uncomfortable.

"I'll give you some space." Ali said. She covered Ash up with a blanket and said, "Maybe you'll feel better if you get some rest." 

Ashlyn didn't answer. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. If that's what Ali wanted her to do, she would try to do it.

...

While Ashlyn tried to sleep, Ali busied herself around the house in hopes to pass the time as quickly as possible. She couldn't stand being away from Ashlyn when she was in such a vulnerable state. She didn't get much done because she stopped every few minutes to check on her fiancé.

Her mother had flown into town when Ashlyn went missing. However, once Ashlyn was found and the couple was reunited, it became clear that Ash was better off not having a lot of visitors. In fact, Ashlyn turned everyone away, but Ali. 

Ali's mom was still around but was waiting for the right time to check on her daughter. Ali called her while Ash was asleep and invited her over with the understanding that she might not get to see Ashlyn at all. She had to be sensitive and flexible. Ali's Mom was more than willing to do whatever was best for both Ali and Ashlyn.

Ali heard the doorbell and ran to answer it. She hoped the sound wouldn't wake her fiancé. 

"Hey." Ali whispered to let her mom know they needed to be quiet. She welcomed her mother inside and they sat at the kitchen table to share a cup of coffee and a snack.

"How is Ashlyn doing?" Deb asked.

"I don't know. Not great." Ali answered. "She's resting now. I think she's really scared." 

"Poor thing." Deb sympathized with her daughter's worrying. "And how are you?" She asked.

"Terrified. I'm worried I'm gonna lose her." Ali admitted her deepest fear.

"What is she doing or saying that makes you think that?" 

"She hasn't said anything, but I can tell how alone she feels, and it's when I'm right there with her. I feel like we're two boats and we're drifting away from each other. I'm doing all I can to paddle towards her, but she's caught in a powerful wave that's taking her away from me." 

"Give her time, honey. She'll find her way back to you." Deb encouraged.

"I hope so. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't live without her, Mom. I can't do it." 

As Deb reached her hand across the table to offer comfort to her daughter the two women heard a scream.

"Alex!" It was Ashlyn's voice and it was thick with fear.

Ali jumped up out of her seat and sprinted to their bedroom. She arrived just in time to hear Ashlyn cry out for her again. Ali found a place next to her on their bed and pulled her into her arms. She held Ashlyn against herself and tried to still the shivering movements of Ash's body. 

Ashlyn was shaking in fear. She was covered in sweat and Ali couldn't tell if she was awake or still dreaming.

"Baby, wake up. It's ok." Ali said and held her tight. She pulled her up higher so that Ash was basically laying on top of her. "It's just a dream." 

Confusion took over Ashlyn as she started to wake up. She felt Ali's embrace but didn't know it was her arms holding her. She began to panic and stir. 

"Ash, it's ok." 

"Ali?" 

"I'm here." Ali said in a soothing tone.

"I dreamed that I was sinking. I kept trying to take hold of your hand, but my fingers kept slipping." Ash explained. She turned over so that her face was pressed against Ali's chest and took in her fiancé's warmth and safety.

Ali shook her head in disbelief and kept to herself the similarities in their descriptions of Ashlyn's dream and her feelings. 

"It was just a dream" Ali said. "Look." She laced their fingers together and held tight. She wanted Ashlyn to see that in the real world, she wouldn't let anything stop them from holding on to one another.

"Ali?"

"Yeah."

"Will you still love me even if I never remember our past?" Ash asked. She had her ear against Ali's chest and could hear the beat of her heart.

"Ash, I will love you until my heart stops. And maybe even after that, if there's an afterlife." Ali promised.

Ali felt her fiancé smile against her skin. "You'll still love me in heaven?" Ash asked.

"I'm already in heaven. You're safe. You're here with me." Ali said. She kissed the top of Ashlyn's head and wondered if she had gone too far. She hoped her affection wasn't too much. She knew Ashlyn as her other half. Ash was still figuring all that out.

She loosened her grip on her fiancé and asked, "Are you ok with all of this? I mean, me being here...holding you?" 

"Yeah. It makes me feel better." Ash admitted shyly.

"It makes me feel better, too." Ali replied. 

Ali didn't want to move, but she knew it was almost time for Ash to take her pain meds. She wasn't willing to risk her fiancé being in any more pain than necessary.

"Hey, do you wanna meet my Mom?" Ali asked. She placed another kiss to the top of Ashlyn's head.

"Your Mom's here?" Ash asked.

"Yeah. She flew out her when you went missing. I guess I went a little crazy and she knew I was a wreck without you." 

"Yeah, I'd like to meet her." Ash said. She surprised Ali with her willingness. 

Ali thought that Ash must be feeling better.

...

Ali smiled as she watched her fiancé joke around with and charm her mother. She could tell a little of it was forced, but the effort and Ashlyn's natural personality sent Ali's faith in the possibility of a full recover soaring. 

After a long visit, Ali could tell that Ashlyn's energy was fading fast. She gave her mother an unmistakable look that Deb picked up on immediately.

"Well Ashlyn, it was so nice spending time with you. I can't tell you how thankful I am that you're ok." Deb said and stood up to leave. 

Ashlyn and Ali stood up also and Ash whispered to her fiancé, "Do I usually hug her?" 

Ali held back a laugh and nodded a subtle 'yes.' Ash picked up on the gesture and immediately opened her arms towards her future mother-in-law. Deb returned the hug and found her daughter's eyes. They shared a look of amazement. Ashlyn seemed to have taken a huge step forward in her recovery. 

The couple showed Deb out and once the door closed Ali changed gears. "How about if I make us something to eat really quick and then you can get some rest?"

Ashlyn's face turned serious as she concentrated hard on what Ali had suggested. Ali was worried she had said something wrong.

"Ash? What's wrong?"

Ashlyn's forehead and eyebrows scrunched together. Now Ali was sure her mother's visit was too stressful for her fiancé.

"Ashlyn, tell me what you're thinking. You can be honest." Ali said.

"Honestly?" Ash said. 

Ali nodded and waited nervously for Ashlyn to continue.

"Honestly, I was thinking that I'm starving. Have I eaten today?" Ash asked. 

Ali let out a dramatic sigh of relief and then wanted to kick herself. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I forgot to feed you!" Ali ran to the kitchen and searched for something she knew Ashlyn would like. 

Ash took a few more moments to contemplate whether or not she had eaten and when she had settled on the fact that NO she had not yet had any food, she joined her frantic and guilty looking fiancé in the kitchen.

Ashlyn walked up behind Ali and put her hand on her waist. "It's ok. Relax." 

At Ashlyn's touch Ali came undone. She had been so strong for Ashlyn, and Ash had been confused and helpless. In this moment the roles had switched. Ashlyn was there for Ali. She was reaching out to comfort her. Her strength was being offered to Ali.

"Hey, are you ok?" Ash asked when she noticed Ali trembling. Ali turned into Ashlyn's arms and wept into her shoulder. 

Ashlyn was still unsure of a lot of things, but one thing she knew for sure was that she would do everything in her power to protect Ali. 

She never wanted to see her cry again. Ashlyn was finding out that her happiness was closely tied to Ali's well-being. 

"It's ok." Ash said and moved away from Ali just enough to take her head in her hands. She stared down deeply into her fiancé's eyes and said, "Please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you hurting." 

Ali felt her knees buckle. She melted right in front of Ashlyn. Ash caught her before she fell. Ali was fully supported by Ashlyn's strong arms when she felt Ash's lips on her's. This was the first real kiss they had shared since Ashlyn's accident. And it was Ashlyn who initiated it. 

Ali felt a hope rise within her. She found her strength and stood tall. She pushed Ashlyn against the counter and her hand reflexively found its way to Ashlyn's breast. The two kissed passionately for a long moment before Ash gently pushed Ali away.

"Ali, I'm sorry. Is it ok if we stop?" Ash asked out of breath.

"Oh my God! Ash, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you, or take advantage." Ali apologized. She was filled with guilt.

"No, it just...I mean, it's not your fault. I just think we need to slow down. And all the excitement, I...I..it's just my head is pounding and I..I can't..." Ash stuttered. 

The truth was that the emotions and the stress of trying to help Ali feel better was too much for her. She wasn't making up an excuse. Her head was killing her. 

"Ash, it's ok. I should've known better. If you wanna lay down, I can bring you something to eat." Ali replied. 

"I don't want to hurt you." Ash said sadly. She knew she already had at least disappointed her by putting an end to their intimate moment. 

"Ashlyn, please don't worry about me. I'm ok. I'm just worried about you." Ali said, trying to reassure her. "Get some rest. I won't be long."

"Ok." Ash said quietly. She resigned to the fact that she was powerless to help Ali. She figured her fiancé was better off if she just left.

Ali knew Ash was upset, but she was about to burst into tears. She couldn't risk letting Ashlyn see her fall apart.

...

About fifteen minutes later Ali quietly checked on Ashlyn. Ash was lying down with one of her hands covering her eyes. Ali set down a bowl of macaroni and cheese on Ashlyn's nightstand and then took a seat next to her. 

"Ash, are you awake?" She asked quietly.

Ashlyn uncovered her eyes as an answer.

"I made this for you." Ali said and reached over to get the food.

Ashlyn sat up and thanked her before taking a few bites. Ash didn't feel much like talking. She let Ali make small talk as she ate.

"Ash, I'm sorry about earlier. It's hard for me to see you suffering. I've been trying to hide the fact that I'm really worried about you. But you can't worry about me. You have to take care of yourself first. It was absolutely the right thing for you to stop things from heating up. You're just not ready for that. And that's ok." Ali said thoughtfully. 

She had used the time it took for the boxed mac and cheese to cook to really think through things.

"Ashlyn, you have a medical problem. You're still healing. Your health comes before everything else. I need you to know it's ok to choose to do what's best for you." Ali said. She kissed Ashlyn's cheek and added, "You taking care of yourself, is the best way to take care of me. Ok?"

"Ok." Ashlyn answered with a slight nod. She wished she could do more, but knew she was very limited in what she had to offer to Ali.

The couple sat in a comfortable silence while Ashlyn finished eating. Ali figured now might be a good time to check her messages. She had a voicemail from an unfamiliar number. She listened and felt her heart rate increase as soon as the man identified himself. 

Once she finished listening to the message she turned toward Ash and said, "The police need you to go to the station tomorrow. They have some things they need to speak to you about."

Ali watched a look of fear came over her fiancé. She wondered if Ashlyn had something to hide. 

She wasn't sure if she wanted to know.


	5. Proof

"Is there anything you want to tell me before we go to the station?" Ali asked. She was helping Ashlyn get dressed and ready to go.

Ashlyn was pushing down on the hair on the back of her head. She was convinced it was sticking up where her bump was.

"Huh?" Ash grunted. She wasn't really paying attention. She had been distracted by her hair for a while.

"Do you remember anything from the accident?" 

"What are you asking?" Ash asked.

"I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I don't want to say anything that might get you in trouble." Ali explained. She regretted her words the moment she saw her fiancé's face.

"You don't trust me." Ashlyn said. It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"What? No, of course I do!" 

"You said I was a good person. You said I was the best person you knew, but you think I did something bad." Ash said. 

Ali had read her fiancé all wrong. The night before when she thought she saw a look of fear on Ashlyn's face, it wasn't because she was guilty. Of course she was afraid. She had been afraid of everything since the accident. 

Everything except Ali.

"Ash, I..." 

Before Ali could finish Ashlyn left the room. Ali panicked. She couldn't fight with Ashlyn at a time like this. What she was feeling now was unmistakeable. She was the guilty one.

Ali quickly followed Ashlyn down the hall and towards their front door. She hurried to catch up and grabbed Ashlyn's arm before she could leave. 

She couldn't let her leave.

"Ash, please wait!" 

At Ali's touch Ashlyn pulled away. Everything that Ali had done to establish safety and security had been broken. 

Ashlyn felt alone. Ashlyn felt like she didn't know anything about anyone. 

Not Ali. 

And not herself.

"Ash, Baby please! Please don't leave!" Ali begged. 

Ashlyn turned toward her and said, "I'm going for a walk."

"Ashlyn, I can't lose you."

Ali watched as her whole life walked away. 

...

"I thought you said you were going for a walk." Ali said. 

She sat down on the bench Ash had been occupying for almost a half hour. She made sure to leave a good amount of distance between them. She knew she had hurt Ashlyn. She knew she had pushed her away. 

"I don't know where I am." Ash said sadly. 

"Ash, I'm really sorry." Ali apologized. 

Ashlyn knew she meant it. But she also knew that Ali had questioned her. Ali had revealed that maybe Ashlyn was a bad person. Ashlyn had been struggling to know who she was, and feared that she was no one special. No one worthy of someone like Ali, or anything else good. 

"You followed me." Ash said. She ignored the apology. For all she knew Ali was right to suspect her and question her actions.

"I couldn't lose you again." Ali explained. "I stayed away...gave you your space."

Ash nodded. "Thanks." She said softly.

"Ash, I guess there's something you should know before we talk to the police. They had told me from the beginning that there was no evidence that you tried to stop. They thought maybe you did it on purpose. Maybe you wanted to hurt yourself." Ali explained. She couldn't hide the truth any longer.

"That's why everyone thinks I'm crazy." Ash stated. She was beginning to understand.

"You're not crazy." Ali said, trying hard to fix the damage she had done. 

"Maybe I am." Ash said and wiped at her moist eyes. 

"Ashlyn, please know that you're absolutely perfect. Whatever really did happen...we'll get through it. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I can't bear to think about it." Ali started to cry. 

Unlike the night before, Ashlyn stayed put. She didn't feel qualified to comfort Ali. She didn't feel comfortable holding her and kissing away her pain. Both women cried. The distance between them grew with each lonely tear.

...

"Miss Harris, do you remember anything from your accident?" The officer asked.

Ashlyn and Ali were sitting next to each other in an interrogation room. Everything between them had changed. Ali wanted to hold her fiancé's hand, but Ashlyn folded her hands tightly together and held them in her lap. Her leg bounced nervously, but it was clear that she didn't want Ali's comfort.

"No, sir." Ashlyn answered. Her fear was obvious.

"Do you remember where you were headed? You were pretty far from home." The officer said.

"No, sir." 

Ashlyn's trip to wherever she was going is what made it so hard for Ali to find her in the first place. As far as Ali knew, Ash had no reason to have driven so far away.

Unless...

"The wedding invitations." Ali whispered.

Both Ash and the officer turned toward her. They had barely heard her voice.

"What was that?" The officer asked.

"She was on her way to pick up our wedding invitations." Ali said. 

She had a reason to be where she was. She wasn't trying to hurt herself. She was trying to run an errand for Ali, even though they were fighting. Even though Ali had disregarded her opinion about leaving...

Even though Ali had chosen to leave her.

Ashlyn looked at her in surprise. She didn't know what to think. She couldn't remember anything. She wondered if that really did mean something significant, or if maybe Ali was trying to protect her by saying all that.

"Miss Harris, we've done a full investigation of the scene of the accident and have inspected your vehicle. We are declaring that is was an accident. It was caused by a mechanical malfunction. Your brakes failed to operate correctly."

Ashlyn felt relieved. 

Ali felt guilty.

Why couldn't she had just kept her mouth shut?

"Thank you." Ash said. Right there in front of Ali and a complete stranger, Ashlyn broke down and cried. She had thought that maybe Ali was right to doubt her. Maybe there was something really wrong with her.

The officer politely excused himself and gave the couple some privacy. Ali didn't know what to do. Earlier that day, her touch had hurt Ashlyn.

"Ash?" Ali said carefully. "It's ok. You did everything you could." 

"Please leave me alone." Ash answered.

Ali couldn't leave her alone. She had to protect her. She had to make things right.

"Ashlyn, I made a big mistake. Please, don't..."

Ali was cut off by the sound of Ashlyn's chair dragging against the floor. Ash scooted back and stood up abruptly. 

If Ali wouldn't leave her alone, then she would leave Ali. 

She would leave Ali.

All alone.

Ali couldn't afford to let her get away. She couldn't let her go for a walk in a strange area. Ash couldn't even handle walking in their own neighborhood earlier that day. She followed her out the front door and watched as Ashlyn struggled to decide what to do. Ashlyn looked both ways and realized she was completely powerless. She couldn't even take a walk by herself.

Ashlyn started to pound hard against her temples. That was the moment Ali knew she couldn't stay away any longer. She wrapped Ashlyn up in a bear hug from behind, making sure to hold her arms down. Ashlyn didn't fight it. She didn't have any reason too. All the fight had left her. 

"Please take me home." Ash asked in defeat.

Ali released her from her embrace and carefully placed her hand on the small of Ashlyn's back. She gently led her to her car. She helped her into the front passenger seat and closed the door behind her. Ashlyn stared at her hands in her lap. 

Ali knew that her fiancé was hurting and she knew that she was the cause.


	6. Our Life

"Ashlyn, honey..." Ali's mom had heard from her daughter what had happened. She offered to stop by and see if Ashlyn would talk to her. She was really the only other person who had visited Ash after the accident. 

Ever since the police station incident Ashlyn kept her distance from her fiancé. Ali was at a loss for what to do.

When Ashlyn heard Deb's voice she knew why she was there. She wasn't really in the mood to hear a lecture, but she didn't want to be unkind or disrespectful to her fiancé's mother. She moved over towards the other end of the couch to signal that Deb was welcome to sit down.

"How are you feeling?" Deb asked as she took a seat about a foot away from Ashlyn.

"Uhh, not the best." Ash answered honestly.

"Alex told me what happened. She feels terrible." Deb replied.

"Yeah. I know." 

"Did you know her dad and I were with her when the police told her they had found you?" Deb asked.

"No." Ash answered. "I don't know much about anything before Ali visited me at the hospital." 

"They asked her to come to the station and identify your vehicle. They had said that they had to be extra careful. You were very upset and had refused to see anyone, including some of the medical staff. They warned her that you may not want to see her, either." Ali's mom explained. 

Ashlyn felt bad about how she had treated everyone. She was completely lost during that time. She didn't trust anyone, including herself.

Deb could see that Ashlyn was taking her words to heart. She wasn't trying to upset her, she was trying to give her a glimpse of what Ali had gone through, and hopefully offer some clarity about why she had made some of the decisions she did.

"Ash, the police officer told my terrified daughter that the evidence they had at the time pointed to you possibly trying to hurt yourself. That wasn't something she came up with on her own based on you, or your past together. When you love someone, concern can completely take over your mind and cause you to think up every possible scenario to worry about." 

Deb put her hand on Ashlyn's forearm and said, "My daughter and you share a love that is much bigger than anything you can imagine. Even bigger than amnesia and the uncertainty that I know you must be feeling. I know that my word may not mean much to you, at the moment, but I promise you that Alex is the one person in this world that you can trust. Please try to give her a chance to show you that." 

Ashlyn nodded wordlessly. It was obvious to Ali's mother that she was trying to work through everything she had just heard. Deb leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving her to process what she had said. 

When she stood from the couch she said, "I love you, Ashlyn. I love you like you're my own daughter. Whatever I can do to help, I'm going to do it."

"Thank you." Ash replied gratefully.

...

Ali tried to give Ashlyn her space. It was difficult for her to leave Ash alone, but she didn't want to hurt her even more.

Ali would watch her from afar and could tell that she was really struggling. Ashlyn's suffering was killing her.

"Ashlyn?" Ali said as she knocked lightly on their bedroom door. 

"Yeah?" Ash answered. She had been staring at nothing in particular out their bedroom window.

"I was thinking, maybe we should go ahead and adopt that dog we had been looking at." Ali said.

Ali decided that a dog might be really helpful for Ashlyn's recovery. Ashlyn was a dog lover. She had always wanted one. Ash could spend time with the new puppy and receive loyal affection that she wouldn't have to question. 

Prior to the accident they had debated the practicality of getting a dog. Because of their constant traveling, they figured it wouldn't work out. Ali decided that Ashlyn's recovery trumped every reason they had come up with to hold off.

"Whatever you want." Ash answered blankly. She hadn't even turned to face Ali. 

"Ash, I'm really sorry. I know you're mad at me and questioning whether you can trust me or not, but I'm worried about you. Are you ok?" Ali asked. She couldn't help but notice Ashlyn had taken a step back in her rehabilitation process.

"I'm not questioning you." Ash answered. "I'm just thinking." 

"What are you thinking about?"

"Something your mom said to me earlier." Ash answered.

Ashlyn's answer worried Ali. She thought it was totally possible that her mother may have said something in Ali's defense that might have hurt Ash.

"What did she say?" Ali asked.

Ash turned around to reveal red, sad eyes. Ali knew she had been crying. Ali was ready to go off on her mother for upsetting her fiancé.

"She said she loved me like a daughter." 

Ali settled down immediately. Maybe her mother wasn't so bad after all.

"That's true. Both my parents feel that way about you." Ali said.

With sad and confused eyes, Ashlyn asked, "Alex, why isn't my family here?"

Ali froze.

Ashlyn's eyes pleaded with her to answer. "Ali, please."

"Can I sit down?" Ali asked and gestured to the bed. Ashlyn nodded and waited for Ali to sit and then she sat next to her.

Ali took Ashlyn's hand and said, "This isn't an easy question to answer. But you can trust me. I will always tell you the truth."

"Ok." Ash replied. She was ready to hear whatever her fiancé was willing to tell.

"First off, before I say anything else, I want you to remember that you're perfect. There is a lot of love in our life." Ali said. She wanted Ash to be certain that she was loved and accepted.

"Ok."

"When you were growing up you didn't really get along with your parents. You and them kinda agreed to go your separate ways." Ali explained. She was trying to tell the truth as gently as possible.

"What do you mean? While I was still a kid? They didn't want me?" Ash asked.

"It's not that they didn't want you." Ali answered. She let out a long breath to try and stall while she searched for the right words.

"Just tell me." Ash said. She wanted to know even if the truth hurt.

"Baby, they didn't agree with some of the decisions you made. You are strong and you don't compromise who are for anyone. That's a really great thing. But your parents saw it as rebellion and they didn't understand you." Ali said.

"What did they think was wrong with me?" Ash asked. Her voice sounded so small to Ali.

"First of all, there's nothing wrong with you!" Ali said. She wanted to get that straight right away. "However, your parents were a mess before you were even born. They had their own issues to sort out. You knew from a young age who were, and they didn't accept your sexuality. When they would ask you to pretend to be someone you weren't, you refused. They kicked you out when you were sixteen years old. It wasn't until a year ago that you agreed to at least be civil to one another."

"Civil?" Ash asked. 

"When we visit your grandparents, they might be there. They won't seek you out to spend time with you, but they also won't seek you out to fight with you either." Ali answered.

"Oh." Ash said and looked away from Ali sadly. She let Ali's words sink in. Her parents didn't love her. At least that's what she heard from Ali's explanation.

Ali wanted to change the subject but she knew she had to be completely honest if she expected Ashlyn to trust her. 

"You also have a brother." She said. Ash turned back towards her and hoped she would find that someone in her family cared. 

"I do? Does he know about what happened...that I'm hurt?" Ash asked. 

"I called him. He told me to keep him updated." Ali answered honestly.

"He didn't try to come see me?" Ash asked. Ali could see she was disappointed.

"He's not good in stressful situations. In his own way, he thinks he's doing what's best for you by staying away." 

"I don't want to hear anymore." Ash said. She removed her hand from Ali's and stood up. She walked back to the window and stared out at nothing. 

"Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Ali apologized.

"It's not your fault. I feel like the universe it playing a sick joke on me."

"What do you mean?" Ali asked and walked up behind her. She didn't get too close in case Ash wanted space, but she wanted to be available if Ash needed a hug or some other kind of support. 

"I mean, I'm having to re-live my terrible life. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Maybe it's better that I stay like this forever." Ash said hopelessly. 

"Ash." Ali stepped forward and placed her hand gently on Ashlyn's back. "You've gone through some hard times, that true. But there's another way of looking at it."

Ashlyn was intrigued by Ali's perspective. She turned and faced her fiancé ready for her explanation.

"You've been through a lot. You didn't have the best start growing up. Quite honestly, your life was horrible. Tragic, even. But it's not that way anymore." 

Ali went for it. She stepped into Ashlyn and held onto her waist with both hands. "We have a really good life together. Some have even described it as perfect. All of the things that you're finding out about that were hard...Baby, you've overcome all of it. Your strength, your courage, your hopefulness...it brought you through. And now you and I are truly happy together. I know that you may not realize it right now, but you're not that scared, rebellious little girl anymore who had to face the world alone. You're a strong, beautiful, kind, successful woman who knows who she is and lives life to the fullest. Your life is happy now."

Ashlyn replied sweetly, "OUR life is happy now." 

Ali couldn't help but smile. 

"That's right. OUR life."


	7. A Long Walk

Ali was a ball of nerves. She knew she couldn't put off having a very difficult discussion with her fiancé. It made it even harder that she knew that the result of the conversation would change everything.

Things had shifted over the last few days. Ashlyn was opening up and almost her old self when it came to being affectionate and comfortable with Ali. The two had slept in the same bed for three nights in a row, and they were inseparable. 

Ali had been putting off the next logical step in Ashlyn's recovery. She knew that no matter how well things were going, it could never be the same as before without her fiancé's memory returning. 

It was a reminder alarm Ali had set on her cell phone months ago that pushed her to confront the difficult issue at hand.

...

Ashlyn had just playfully patted Ali's butt as she made her way to the fridge to get a bottle of water. It was time for her to take her pain meds and she was getting much better at remembering on her own. She was really proud of that fact. She told Ali she thought it might mean her memory was getting better and maybe she would soon remember other things too.

"Ash, can I talk to you about something?" Ali asked. 

"I don't know, CAN you?" Ash laughed at her joke and her face turned serious when she saw that Ali wasn't laughing. "Um, what's up?"

"I have a dress fitting next week." Ali said anxiously. That's what her phone reminder told her earlier that day.

"Ok?" Ash replied. She didn't get the weight of the situation. 

"Ashlyn, it's my wedding dress." Ali said and put her head down. "So...I've been thinking that it doesn't really make sense for us to continue on the same timetable we had before your accident. We haven't sent out our invitations yet, so it shouldn't be too hard to cancel everything." 

"Oh." Ashlyn said. She now realized what Ali was saying. She wanted to cancel their wedding. "If that's what you want." 

Ali tried to smooth the stress lines on her forehead. This was more difficult than she imagined. "It's not what I want." Ali replied sadly. "But I can't make you marry me. You barely know me. Marriage isn't something to do just because. It needs to be a mutual life long commitment."

"Yeah, I get it." Ash answered. She suddenly felt as if she was swallowed up by despair. 

"Ashlyn, it's not that I don't want to marry you. That's all I want. But we're not in the same place we were before. Our vows are very important to me. I don't want you to do something because you're being nice, or because you don't know what else to do. It's not fair for me to hold you to something as big as getting married." 

"I get it, Alex. You don't want to marry me because I'm not the same person anymore." Ashlyn concluded.

"That's not entirely true, Ash."

"But it is." Ashlyn argued. "It's ok. I'll be ok. You don't have to feel bad about it. It's the right thing to do." Ash said. She took her medicine and said, "I'm gonna go lay down."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Ali asked. She was hoping she hadn't messed up their recent comfortable closeness.

"If it's ok with you, I'd rather be alone." Ash answered. She waited for Ali to nod and approve her request before leaving.

Ali wanted to cry. She wanted to take everything back, but how could she? Ashlyn was in a vulnerable state and it was wrong to push her towards marriage. She knew she did the right thing, but it still hurt. She hoped that time and healing would bring them back to the life they had planned to have together.

...

"Hey." Ash greeted Ali somberly. She had spent some time alone and was ready to talk to Ali about their new plan. "So, I still wanna marry you." Ashlyn said. 

Ali couldn't help but smile. She felt guilty the moment she felt the corners of her lips curl up. She quickly cleared her throat and covered her mouth to try and hide her reaction.

"Ashlyn, I wanna marry you too. But it's too much for you right now." Ali explained.

"I know, but I don't want to be with anyone else. I might not know all of the details about why I love you. But I know that I do love you." Ash said.

Ali wanted to cry. Why was she fighting this? She loved Ash with everything she was made of. Ashlyn loved her too. They were made for each other. But yet, she couldn't let it happen. She loved Ash too much to let her go through the motions of a wedding and marriage without truly understanding what had brought them this far.

"Baby, that is so sweet. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you say you love me." Ali replied. It was the first time since the accident she had heard those words.

"But?" Ash asked. She knew it was coming.

"But our wedding date is right around the corner. It's because I love you that I know we can't go through with it." Ali said.

Ashlyn understood. She really did. But love can't be explained away. Her love for Ali has never been rational. She has just always known. Even though the memories were gone, Ash still had an inexplicable pull towards the woman she was supposed to marry. 

She knew she wanted to marry Ali. 

She knew there was no one else for her. 

"Ali, I'm confused about a lot of things, but I know I'm not confused about how I feel about you." Ash answered. She didn't care if it didn't make sense. She still wanted to marry Ali.

"Ash, it's not just the marriage part that worries me. It's having to see hundreds of people that you don't remember and some of those people have complicated histories with you. Baby, it's not what's best for you and your recovery." 

"What's best for me, is YOU!" Ash answered with certainty.

"Ashlyn..." Ali wanted to argue more, but she was so in love with the woman in front of her. She couldn't think of anything to say or do, except to kiss her hard on the mouth and hold her tight.

Ali's kiss took both of their breath away. Ashlyn smiled against Ali's lips as she asked, "Does this mean you still want to marry me?"

Ali pecked Ashlyn's lips one more time before answering. "I will always want to marry you. That's not even a question." 

"But you want to wait?" Ash asked, a little disappointed at what she knew was coming.

"I think waiting is what's best for us. I hate waiting, but I want everything to be perfect. That's what you deserve." 

"I understand." Ash replied. She stepped forward and hugged Ali tight. She pressed her face in the crook of Ali's neck. She inhaled her scent and felt a sadness wash over her. "I hate that I'm putting you through this." Ash confessed.

"It isn't your fault. It's just another part of our story." Ali replied. "And our story is an amazing one!" 

"I hope someday I remember the other parts of our story." Ash said sadly. 

"Baby, whether you remember or not, we'll still have the ending we always wanted." Ali promised.

"Really?" Ash asked. Her voice trembled. She was afraid her accident had ruined things for them. 

"I promise. I promise you, Ashlyn. We will always be together. We will have our wedding. We will live happily ever after. Just like we planned." 

"I'm sorry I'm making you wait for it. I know it's not what you deserve." Ash apologized. "You always put me first. I know it's been hard and it's hurt you. I wish I knew how to make it better." 

"You need to keep getting better. That's what's important for us. We'll get there. How ever many steps it takes, we'll walk the journey together."

Everything felt uncertain and unknown to Ashlyn. 

Everything except for Ali.


	8. Cold

Ali rolled over to find an empty space where Ashlyn should be. She whined to herself since Ashlyn wasn't there to hear her. She buried her face in Ashlyn's pillow and let her fiancé's scent comfort her as she fell back to sleep.

...

When Ali woke up again Ashlyn was sitting next to her in their bed. She was patiently waiting for her to wake up.

"You left." Ali said in a scratchy whisper. 

Ashlyn stretched towards the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and some cold medicine. 

"Here." She said and handed the bottle to Ali before helping her sit up. Ali leaned against Ashlyn for support.

"You left." Ali said again. Ashlyn held two pills up to Ali's mouth and waited for her to open up for her. 

After a swig of the sports drink, Ali swallowed the medicine and said again, "You left."

Ashlyn moved to sit up against the headboard of their bed and let Ali lay her head in her lap. As she played with the messy brown strands of Ali's hair she explained her absence.

"You were coughing all night. I got up early to get you some medicine." Ash said.

"We have medicine in the bathroom." Ali informed.

"We do?" Ash replied. "I guess I forgot." Ash smiled. For some reason she found it funny. "Oops."

"Hey!" Ali said roughly due to her sore throat. "Did you drive?"

Ashlyn hadn't driven anywhere since the accident. Ali's car was the only vehicle they had left and naturally she was the one to drive it when they would go places. Ali wasn't even sure if Ash was medically cleared to drive.

"No. I walked." 

"You walked?" Ali lifted her head up a little before setting it back down. She wanted to sit up but she felt too dizzy.

"Yeah. It's no big deal." Ash replied.

"Baby, where did you go?" 

"I just kept walking until I found a place." Ashlyn answered. 

Her trip had taken almost two full hours. Ash didn't care. She felt good finally being able to take care of Ali for a change.

"You should've woke me up, so I could drive you." Ali said.

"Babe, that kinda defeats the purpose of me taking care of you."

"Aw..." Ali was extra sentimental due to her sickness, "...you just called me 'babe.'" Ali said.

"That's cause you're my babe." Ash answered with a smile and then leaned down to kiss Ali's sweaty forehead.

"Aw..." Ali was going to tell Ash she loved her, but her sentiment was interrupted by a coughing fit.

"Alex, you need to take it easy. No more talking. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Ashlyn instructed.

Ali let her heavy eyes close and fell asleep holding the gatorade bottle close to her chest like it was a precious gift.

Ashlyn smiled as she settled in to wait for Ali to wake up.

...

Ashlyn nodded off while her fiancé slept. Ali woke up feeling a lot better. The medicine Ash had given to her had really helped. 

Ali, with her head in her fiancé's lap, looked upward and watched Ashlyn continue to sleep. She wondered how she could sleep sitting up. The way Ashlyn's head was hanging, Ali knew that her neck would be sore when she woke up. 

Ali might be sick, but her natural instincts are as strong as ever. She couldn't let Ashlyn continue to sleep in that position. 

After sitting up, Ali whispered, "Lay down, Ash."

Ashlyn groggily obliged without any objection. She was tired. Ali had unintentionally kept her up all night with her coughing. Because Ash chose to get up early to find medicine for Ali, she gave up any chance for her to get a good night sleep. The affects of her kind gesture were showing.

Ali took another dose of medicine and drank a few ounces of gatorade before finding her place on Ashlyn's shoulder and falling back to sleep.

...

"What do you think you're doing?" Ashlyn scolded. 

She snuck up on Ali in the kitchen and caused her to jump.

"You scared me." Ali said and added, "I'm making us something to eat." 

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around." Ash protested.

"Fine, then get that cute butt of yours over here and make me some eggs." Ali sassed and handed over the spatula.

"You got it." Ash started to move the eggs around so they would cook evenly and then ordered Ali to sit down.

Ali watched Ashlyn cook for her and thought Ash looked really hot in her cut off t-shirt and low hanging sweatpants. She was about to say something really inappropriate when her thoughts were interrupted by Ashlyn trying to nonchalantly clear her throat.

Ash brought over a plate of food for Ali and sat down next to her at the table. 

"What about you?" Ali asked. "You're not eating?"

"I'm not hungry." Ash said and swallowed hard.

Ali eyed her suspiciously and came to a conclusion. "You're sick!" She accused.

"I am not!" Ash argued. "You are."

"Ashlyn let me feel your forehead." Ali said and leaned towards her with her palm stretched out.

"No, get away from me." Ash replied and dodged her fiancé's attempts to prove her discovery.

"Baby, stop squirming." Ali lunged quickly and grabbed for Ashlyn with both hands and pulled her into a loose hug.

"Stop, get off me." Ash said and tried to make her get-away. She would normally have no problem escaping, but Ali was right. Ashlyn was sick, too.

"You're being childish. Hold still." Ali said. Ash turned her body away from Ali as much as possible but she was still being held by her fiancé's embrace. "Ash, I can tell you have a fever. You're burning up!"

"No, I'm not!" Ash denied.

"Why are you lying to me?" Ali asked. She wasn't upset. She was curious. This behavior wasn't common for Ashlyn.

After Ash sighed loudly she stopped trying to pull away. She knew she had to come clean. She had been depending on Ali's complete honesty ever since the accident. Ali had literally been her source of truth and what's kept her grounded in reality.

"Sorry. I wanted to take care of you for a change, but then I guess I caught whatever you have." Ash answered.

"Aw, I'm sorry I got you sick." Ali apologized and pulled Ashlyn in for a real hug. "How about if we stay in bed all day and be sick together?" Ali asked, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

"That sounds nice." Ash replied. "But you're not allowed to take care of me. You can just be sick with me. I'll take care of you." 

Ali started laughing at her fiancé's demands. Her laughter turned to coughing and Ash jumped up to get her something to drink. The quick motion caused Ashlyn to get lightheaded. She stopped sharply and waited for the dizzy spell to pass. 

Ali was at her side in less than a second. "Are you ok?"

It only took a moment for Ash's dizziness to go away. As soon as the room stopped spinning she answered Ali. "I told you I'm not sick! Sit down. I'm bringing you water."

"So we're back to you not being sick again?" Ali said sarcastically. "Apparently we have gone back in time and your confession has been erased from our memories."

"Exactly." Ash replied and handed Ali a bottle of water. "We have temporary amnesia." She said with a smirk.

"Whatever you say, love." Ali was completely smitten by her fiancé's stubbornness to take care of her. "Can we go back to bed now?"

"Whatever you want. You're the sick one." Ash said with a small crooked smile.

It ended up that Ashlyn's resolve didn't last very long. Her throat was scratchy, her coughs were phlegmy, and Ali's recovery seemed to be quicker than hers. By the end of the day, Ash was resting in Ali's lap and letting her take care of her. 

Ali spent the night listening to Ashlyn's loud breaths through her stuffy nose. She took the time to appreciate the fact that she had Ashlyn close to her. She not only had Ashlyn's physical presence, but she also had her heart. 

Ash may still not have all the pieces of their lives put together in her memory, but something as small as spending the day together and trying to nurse each other back to health was something to cherish. Ali vowed never to take these moments for granted.

The road ahead would be filled with challenges. There was no denying that. But Ashlyn could've lost more than her memory in the accident. She could've lost her life. 

As Ali watched Ashlyn sleep, she realized how lucky she was to have any kind of moments shared with the woman she loved. Not only was Ashlyn's life spared, but somehow she still had a chance at happily ever after with her soulmate. 

Ali couldn't help but smile down at Ashlyn. She didn't know how it was possible to love someone so much.


	9. Space

"Good morning, daughter." Ali's dad greeted as she welcomed him in.

"Good morning, daddy. Welcome." Ali said and hugged him.

"Where's Ash?"

"She's out back playing with the neighbor's dog. We're watching their puppy for the day. It's good practice for when we get our own." Ali answered.

"You're getting a dog?" Ken asked. For some reason he sounded apprehensive.

"Yeah, I think it would be good for Ashlyn's recovery. It will give her something to make her feel useful and needed. I worry that she feels helpless and purposeless right now."

"Alex, what about soccer? The two of you travel a lot. How are you going to take care of a dog if you're not home?" Ken asked.

"Dad, I can't worry about that. Ashlyn's recovery is the most important thing. Soccer comes a distant second to her well-being." 

"I understand that, but why is soccer not a part of the recovery plan?" 

"What do you mean? It's too dangerous. And I'm not just gonna leave her alone." 

"Alex, soccer isn't only your dream. It's also Ashlyn's. She's worked harder than anyone. I know that if she was able to, she would tell you that giving up on her dream isn't an option for her." Ken said.

"Dad, I can't just take her to camp and have her overwhelmed by all of the people that she's supposed to know. She can't handle that." 

"How do you know? Maybe playing soccer will be like second nature to her and help bring back some of the things she's forgotten. No matter what, don't you think it should be her decision?" Ali's Dad had made a good point. And Ali hated it.

"You suck!" Ali replied. 

She wasn't mad at her dad, but he completely turned her plans upside down. She had a lot to think about.

...

"Why don't you hang out here while I get our room assignments." Ali said. She squeezed Ashlyn's hand and left her to sit on one of the couches in the lobby. 

The team and staff had gathered in a large crowd and Ali was trying to keep her fiancé from getting overwhelmed. Ashlyn wasn't cleared to play yet, but she was cleared to participate in light conditioning with the team. Ashlyn had a lot of questions during the trip to the hotel. Ali patiently answered every one. She could tell that Ash was nervous. 

"Hey, dude." A chill voiced woman said as she plopped down next to Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn held on to the handle of her suitcase a little tighter.

"Check that girl out over there." She nodded towards the check-in desk where Ali was standing. 

That definitely got Ashlyn's attention, but she didn't say a word. She thought the stranger next to her might be wanting to put the moves on her future wife.

"She's hot." The stranger said.

"Yeah." Ash agreed but kept a suspicious eye on the woman next to her. She noticed that there were two women at the desk and wondered if maybe the stranger was talking about the person standing next to Ali. 

Maybe she didn't need to knock the girl out, after all.

"Which girl are you talking about?" Ash asked.

"The one on the left. She's hot." 

"Not as hot as the one on the right." Ash smiled. 

Her new friend replied, "If you think she's so hot, why don't you ask her out?" 

"You should ask the other one out." Ash answered. "Plus, I can't drive. So, I can't really take her anywhere." Ashlyn had thought about this before. She wished she could romance Ali the way she deserved.

"Don't let that stop you. You should totally do it." The stranger encouraged. She saw the woman next to Ali searching for her and jumped up suddenly. "Gotta go." 

And just like that Ashlyn's mysterious new friend was gone.

Ali found her way back to her fiancé and stretched her hand out to help her up. 

"Good news! We're in the same room. That doesn't usually happen." Ali said with a huge smile on her face.

"Really?" Ash asked. She didn't even think of the possibility of not being with Ali. Ashlyn would be lost without her.

"Usually we aren't allowed to share a room. It's to make sure everything stays professional." Ali said and wagged her eyebrows. "But there are ways around that rule."

"Really?" Ash asked with a smile. Ashlyn heard a loud boisterous laugh coming from the large group behind Ali and remembered her new friend. "Hey, Alex. Who's that?" Ash asked and pointed to the tan smiling woman.

"That's Tobin. She's one of your closest friends from college." 

"To-bin." Ash sounded her name out slowly.

"Ring any bells?" Ali asked. 

"Not really." Ash said sadly. She then remembered the other woman that her friend Tobin had talked about. "Hey, who's that?" Ash asked and pointed at the woman next to Tobin, causing her to laugh loudly and smile widely.

"That's Alex." Ali answered. She smiled slightly and said, "She's a 'close' friend of Tobin's." 

"Close?" Ash asked for clarification. "Are they together?"

"No, not really." Ali answered. "Tobin is practically in love her, but it's complicated." 

"It doesn't seem like love should be so complicated. If you love a person, you go for it." Ashlyn replied. 

Her words caused Ali's heart to swell.

"Absolutely." Ali replied. She put her arm around Ashlyn's waist and hugged her. 

She rested her head on Ashlyn's shoulder and the two of them shared an intimate moment together. Ash placed a kiss on Ali's forehead before the two broke apart. 

"You ready to meet everybody?" Ali asked.

"Not really. But I guess we gotta do it."

"Ash, we're all like a family. They are probably gonna be super excited to see you, but it's because they love you so much. You're one of the most outgoing people on the team. Everyone absolutely adores you. They're gonna wanna hug you and make sure you're ok. If it's too much squeeze my hand and we'll leave." Ali said.

"I don't want to disappoint anyone." Ash replied. She knew that everyone would want her to remember them, and she knew she would have no answers. 

"Baby, every single person is on your side. They're not going to judge you or think anything negative about you. They just want you to get better. It's completely ok for you not to remember them. They understand." Ali replied. 

Ali took her fiancé's hand and the couple joined the rambunctious group. Ali whispered to Ashlyn, "Remember, just squeeze my hand and we're outta here." 

Ash nodded as she saw a kind looking blonde woman approach. 

"Ash, this is Whitney." Ali introduced. Ali had talked to the team beforehand and asked that they let Whitney and Ash have a moment before everyone else vied for Ashlyn's attention.

"Hey, Ash." Whitney said and stuck her hand out for a shake.

Ashlyn smiled and immediately hugged Whitney. When she stepped back and rejoined her hand with Ali's she said, "So, I hear we're like best friends." 

"That's our official title, yes." Whitney said with a laugh. 

They talked for a few minutes before letting everyone else give Ashlyn their good wishes. Ashlyn didn't use the hand squeeze secret signal, but Ali could tell she needed a break. 

Everyone had stories they wanted to share, and though most of them were either hilarious or sweet, they were all reminders to Ashlyn that she had lost a major part of her life. Ali could see the sadness in Ashlyn's eyes building. 

It was time to go.

"Guys, we need to get settled in before our first team meeting. We can all talk a little bit later." Ali said. She tightened her hold on Ashlyn and pulled her away from the group. 

Once the couple had entered into the elevator and the door closed in front of them, Ashlyn thanked Ali for getting her out of there. 

"That was really hard." Ash said. "Thanks for rescuing me." 

"It was a lot to take in. It will get easier." Ali encouraged. 

Ali and Ashlyn opted to take a nap until their required meeting with the coaches. Ashlyn embraced Ali with a tight grip as they slept. Ali absolutely loved the closeness, but knew the reason behind it was Ashlyn's feelings of insecurity and confusion. 

She questioned if they had made their return to US soccer too soon. 

...

"Move it, Harris!" 

Ashlyn was running around the field while the rest of the team practiced. One of the trainers was doing his best to motivate her to keep up her speed. However, Ashlyn wasn't feeling very motivated. She was feeling out of shape and out of place.

Ali would regularly glance over at Ashlyn and make sure she was ok. She heard the trainer being a little too rough with Ashlyn, in her opinion. She tried her best not to get angry and to focus on what she was doing, but all she could think about was her fiancé.

"She's ok." Hope said to Ali. She nudged her arm with her elbow.

"He's being a jerk. She can't handle it." Ali answered. Her eyes never leaving Ashlyn.

"Ash can handle a lot more than you're giving her credit for."

"You don't know what we've been through, Hope. She's fragile." Ali explained.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were her fiancé...NOT her babysitter." Hope replied.

Ali was already angry. Hope's comment pushed her over the edge of her patience. Ali snapped at her, "You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not going to take relationship advice from you. Ashlyn is vulnerable and scared and if you think that's a joke, then do us both a favor and stay away from us."

Ali kicked a nearby ball into the back of Hope's net, just to make a point. She wasn't going to put up with anyone giving her or Ashlyn a hard time. 

...

"Yo, homie. You ask your hot chick out yet?" Tobin asked.

Ash was sitting at a table in the corner waiting for Ali to get done getting a refill of their drinks. Tobin saw an opportunity to check on her friend.

"I told you I can't take her anywhere. Besides what about you? Ali told me about your crush." Ash answered.

Tobin turned bright red and did a quick check around to make sure no one heard what Ashlyn had said.

"Shhh with that!" Tobin reached over and covered her friend's mouth.

Ashlyn laughed and removed Tob's hand. "No one heard. Relax. Ali said she thinks your girl feels the same way. You should go for it." 

"It's not that simple. She's into dudes. I'm not allowed to be gay. Sometimes life sucks." Tobin explained. "Anyway, you should take your woman on a date. Alex and I can help you."

"Alex and you..." Ash said with a smirk. At that moment Ali returned with their beverages and Tobin quickly excused herself.

"What was that about?" Ali asked.

"Oh, not much. She's definitely in love with Alex, though. Maybe we should help them out." Ash answered.

Ali was surprised by her fiancé's idea. "Ya know, Ash. Over the years I have been wanting to fix them up. YOU are the one that has always told me not to do anything." Ali explained with an amused tone.

"Why?"

"Because of Tobin. She's very religious. You always said that we shouldn't rush her into a life that will turn her world upside down." 

"Oh." Ash replied thoughtfully. "Tobin was right." 

"Tobin was right about what?" Ali asked.

"Sometimes life sucks!"

...

There was one more day of camp left and Ashlyn was determined to do something nice for Ali. Both of their lives had been changed drastically since the accident, and she felt like Ali tried to carry most of the weight of the stress. Ashlyn felt her fiancé deserved to know how much she appreciated her, and more importantly, how much she loved her.

"Hey Tobin, wait up." Ash said and jogged to her friend at midfield. 

"What's up?" Tobin asked.

"I was thinking about what you said, and I wanted to take you up on your offer. Ali deserves to know how much I care about her." Ash said.

"Sure, bro. Whatever you need." Tobin answered. She was mindlessly playing with a few blades of grass in her hands.

"How about me and Ali double date with you and Alex?" Ash said cautiously. She saw her friend's hands still and watched as the pieces of grass fell to the ground. 

"Ash, I told you that I can't." 

"I know, it's complicated. But if she's worth it, and you really care about her, then she deserves to know. I'm telling you, loving my Alex is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know anything else, but what I do know, is that the only reason I'm making it right now is because I chose to love that woman. I don't remember the details, but sometime who knows when, I decided I had to take a risk. And that, my friend, is the ONLY reason I have anything to live for right now." 

"That's deep." Tobin replied. "Let me think about it." She said. She sounded discouraged.

"Right on. I'm gonna go before Ali worries about me." Ash said and turned to leave.

Tobin grabbed her arm and said, "Thanks, Ash. I really mean it. I'll think about it."

...

"Ash, this is amazing. Thank you!" Ali gushed.

"Tobin told me we came to this restaurant the last time we were here with the team. She helped me get directions. She's also the one that got these flowers for you. I knew you wouldn't let me out of your sight long enough to get them, so she offered."

"That is so sweet. Thank you, Baby." Ali said and sealed her gratitude with a kiss.

Ash and Ali were sitting next to each other at a local diner. It wasn't anything fancy, but it had good food and it was a part of their history. 

"I invited Tobin to come and bring Alex, but that planned backfired." Ash said.

"How did it backfire?" Ali asked.

"Apparently, Alex has a new boyfriend. According to Tobin, they have been dating for awhile. Alex never told her. She just happened to walk in while Alex was on the phone with him. Tobin was hoping to ask her out and instead got her heart broken." Ash explained.

"Oh, no!" Ali felt terrible for their friend. No one deserved to be happy more than Tobin.

Ali wanted to change the subject to a more happy topic. "Baby, I love that you brought me here. If I remember correctly the last time we were here we had a lot of fun in the bathroom." Ali confessed.

"Wait. What?" Ash asked. She searched to find where the bathroom was and Ali watched her eyes grow big. "Do you mean we...ya know...in the bathroom?"

Ali laughed. "You can say it. We're adults."

Ash ducked her head down and turned it toward Ali before whispering, "We had sex here?" 

"Yes. I told you we don't usually get to share a room. We were feeling pretty...um, what's the word...feisty." Ali answered.

"Wow." Ash replied and then went from a look of shock to a look of sadness. "Do you miss that?"

"Miss what?"

"Miss us being like that. Intimate and carefree?"

Ali wished she wouldn't have brought up their spontaneous tryst from their last visit. She moved closer to her fiancé and took her by the arm. "Ash, I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry about that. We'll get it back."

"Get it back..." Ash repeated sadly. Ashlyn really wanted to end their date and leave, but she had planned the evening for Ali. She didn't want to be selfish. She didn't want her accident to cause even more sacrifices for Ali.

"Ashlyn." Ali said gently. "I can tell you're being too hard on yourself. I wholeheartedly believe that we will get back to where we were."

"We're at different places. You don't deserve this." 

"Ashlyn, I don't know what I need to say to convince you that you have nothing to feel bad about. Baby, I could've lost you. However long it takes for us to get back to normal, it's well worth the wait. I'm more than content. I'm happy with you."

"Alex, I'm so tired of feeling like I'm behind everybody and need to catch up. Every single person that knows me, knows me better than I know myself. It makes me wonder if there's a big secret that they don't want to tell me about, or if I've done some terrible thing to them and now their just being polite."

"Ash, no one is just being polite. Everyone loves you. You have nothing to worry about." Ali assured her.

"But I don't know that!" Ash was starting to get worked up. 

She felt overwhelmed. Things had gotten better, but for the most part she stayed nice and safe with Ali in their house. Now that she was in the real world, she was finding that she was more lost than ever.

Ali couldn't help it. Ashlyn's outburst broke her heart. Ash was completely halted in her frustration when she saw Ali starting to cry. 

"God, Alex. I'm sorry." She apologized. She wrapped her up in a hug and apologized again.

Ashlyn blew it. She was trying to do something nice for Ali. She was hoping to show her how grateful she was to have her, but instead she showed her how unhappy she was. Once again, Ali was paying for Ashlyn's suffering. Ashlyn was not ok with that.

"Please, don't cry. I didn't mean it. I'm just confused." Ash said, trying to explain away her confession.

After Ash said that, Ali pulled away from her and said, "Don't lie to me! We don't lie to each other."

"I'm sorry. Let's go to the bathroom and do what we did before." Ash said without thinking, trying to smooth things over.

Ali's face turned cold. "No, Ashlyn. I can't believe you would even say that. Take me back to the hotel."

Normally Ali would've loved to have taken Ashlyn up on her offer. She had definitely missed being intimate with her fiancé, but Ashlyn didn't ask her because she was ready to take that step. She asked her because she felt bad and wanted to get out of trouble.

Ali had been sensitive to Ashlyn's feelings since the accident in regards to sex. Ashlyn was not showing her the same respect.

Ashlyn stood up and offered her hand to help Ali up. Ali didn't take it. She also left her flowers at the table. Ashlyn thought about grabbing them, but she figured Ali wouldn't want them anyway. 

On the walk home Ashlyn asked, "Can I hold your hand?"

"I'd rather you not." Ali answered. "I need space."

Ashlyn walked a few feet behind Ali until they got to their room. Once Ash saw that Ali was able to get in she announced, "I'm gonna take a walk." 

She paused and then added, "I'm really sorry, Alex."


	10. Letting Go

Ali heard a knock on the hotel room door and hoped it was her fiancé. She hurried to open the door. She was disappointed to see Tobin standing there with a mangled bouquet of flowers.

"These are yours." Tobin said and thrust the flowers towards her. "I figured you would want to keep Ashlyn's first attempt at being romantic and thoughtful since her accident." 

Tobin's words had an edge to them. She didn't sound like Ali was used to hearing. 

"Thanks." Ali said, feeling guilty. "Is Ashlyn out there?" Ali asked and stuck her head out the door to see if she could find her fiancé.

"No. She's staying in my bed tonight."

"Oh." Ali answered. She was truly disappointed. She didn't know what to say. She knew she had been too hard on Ashlyn, but she felt so hurt by her words. She didn't know if she could make it a whole night without her.

"She's with Whit. She'll be ok." Tobin said. She was starting to have some pity for her friend.

"We haven't been apart since I found her after the accident." Ali replied. "She doesn't want to come back?"

"She thinks you could use a break." 

"A break?" 

Those words killed Ali. Ashlyn was feeling like a burden to her. She thought she was doing her a favor by staying away.

"I need to talk to her." Ali said. She made her way for the door, but Tobin stopped her.

"Ali, she seriously doesn't want to talk to you. She thinks it's for your own good that she stays away." Tobin explained.

"Were those her exact words? She thinks it's better for me if she stays away?" 

"Yeah." Tobin answered. She was just trying to be a good friend, but this was hard.

"I have to talk to her." Ali said again and went to her purse to get her phone.

"Ali, maybe you should call Whitney and not Ashlyn." Tobin said. 

Ali stopped what she was doing and gave Tobin her attention. "What do you know?"

...

2 HOURS EARLIER

"I'm gonna take a walk." Ashlyn said. 

She paused and then added, "I'm really sorry, Alex."

Ashlyn left Ali and thought about taking a walk outside of the hotel, but her experience with walks lately had not been positive. She walked around the hotel and ended up at the pool where she found a depressed Tobin.

"Hey." Ash greeted. "Can I sit here?" 

Tobin nodded and Ash sat in the lounge chair next to her friend.

"What happened to your date?" Tobin asked.

"I messed it all up." 

"Hmm...sounds like something I'd do." Tobin said with a sad chuckle.

"I guess tonight didn't really work out for either of us." Ash stated. "Ali wouldn't even hold my hand on the way home. She left the flowers at the restaurant and said she wanted space." 

Ashlyn was realizing that she not only felt guilty, but she was also feeling hurt. Ali had basically rejected her attempt at being romantic and taking care of her.

"Dude, sorry." Tobin replied. 

"I feel like it's not fair to Ali for me to stick around." Ash finally confessed her deepest heartache.

"Ash, she loves you." Tobin didn't really know what to say to make her friend feel better.

"Tobin, I feel like I'm just floating. Like if my life was a house, Ali would be my foundation. But it's like all of the bricks that make up the house are my memories and life experiences and now that they're gone, I'm just floating trying to connect with my foundation and figure out what the house is supposed to look like." 

"You'll rebuild it brick by brick." Tobin said, trying to be encouraging.

"But I'm out of bricks." Ash said sadly. "I've been thinking about this, ya know? What is it that makes a person who they are? It's the person they've become based on what they believe and what they've gone through. Every relationship, every hardship and victory, all those things...they all form us. I just feel like I'm nobody. I'm an empty shell...An empty floating shell."

"Ash, I'm sorry. I guess it's really true. Our lives are all about the people in it. But you've still got those people, Ash. Even if you have to start over with new bricks, you're not floating alone." Tobin reasoned.

"Not floating alone." Ash said with a sad smile. "Are you floating with me?"

"Definitely." Tobin smiled and stuck her fist out for a quick bump.

"How about you? What's up with you and your woman?" Ash asked. She didn't want all the attention. She knew her friend was suffering too.

"She's not my woman. She's not even close to my woman. I think the best thing for me is to avoid her for a little while." 

"Do you think she'll be ok with that?" 

"She probably won't even notice." Tobin said sadly.

"Hey, you wanna go for a walk with me?" Ash asked. She figured her friend could use a change of scenery. 

"Sure." Tobin agreed easily and jumped up. She helped Ash out of her chair and the two left the hotel and ventured into the night.

They walked to the restaurant and dug through the dumpster in the back and found Ali's flowers. They were smashed and mangled. They reminded Ash of how her and her friend's hearts were feeling at the moment. 

"I think I need to do what you're doing?" Ash said during their walk back.

"What's that?" Tobin asked.

"I need to stay away, for Ali's sake. What do you think about switching rooms tonight?" Ash asked.

"I think that's fine with me, but Ali's gonna hate it." 

"She needs me to be away more than I do. Make sure she doesn't try to talk to me." Ash said. She stopped walking and felt herself falling apart. "I'm no help to her if I rely on her for everything. She needs her own life, ya know? One that isn't consumed with worry about me and basing her decisions on whether or not I'm emotionally stable enough to handle something."

"Ash, she tries to take care of you because she loves you. It's not a bad thing." Tobin said.

"That's not the kind of relationship she deserves." Ash took a slow calming breath. "Anyway, so you'll switch places with me tonight and stay with Ali?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yeah, whatever you want."

...

"Tobin, I'm not going to let her stay overnight without me." Ali said.

"It's not your decision." Tobin said matter of factly. "She has decided that this is what she needs, and that this is what you need."

"Tobin, she's sick. She's confused. She needs me."

"Yes, she does need you. She needs you to give her a little credit and treat her like an adult." Tobin said.

Ali had never heard Tobin speak like this to anyone. She could only think that maybe she had a good reason for her strong stand against Ali calling Ashlyn. She put her phone down and asked, "So, we're roommates tonight? Is that the plan?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"It's alright. I just want Ashlyn to be ok."

...

"So, uhh I'm gonna bail." Tobin said as she finished packing her bag.

"We leave after breakfast." Ali said as she checked her phone for the millionth time that morning. She had hoped to hear from Ashlyn.

"I'm gonna sneak out. If anyone asks, just tell them I had to leave early." Tobin said sadly.

"Tobin...I'm so sorry. I completely forgot about you and Alex. Are you ok?" 

"No. But it's not gonna help to stick around here and pretend everything is fine." Tobin said and grabbed the rest of her stuff. "Hey, tell Ash goodbye for me. Tell her she can call me if she ever needs a friend."

...

Ali walked into the dining area alone. Tobin had left and she hadn't spoken to Ashlyn since the night before when she rejected her attempt to hold her hand. She felt miserable. She scanned the room for her fiancé and got a sick feeling in her stomach when she saw Whitney meet her gaze and stand up. 

As Whit approached her she worried that Ashlyn had left with Tobin. She felt like a fool.

"Hey." Whit said to Ali.

Ali got right to the point. "Where's Ashlyn?" 

"She said she wasn't hungry. She's up in my room." Whit said. She pulled her key card out of her pocket and handed it to Ali. "Room 1206. Fix this."

"Thank you." Ali said with tears rising up. "Thank you so much." Ali hugged Whit and made a run for it. She was paranoid that Ash might still try to leave.

Ali knocked, but couldn't wait for an answer. She let herself in and found Ashlyn face down and asleep on Tobin's bed. Ali let out a sigh of relief.

She sat down next to Ash and carefully put a hand on her back. It felt comforting to be able to touch her fiancé again. Everything felt colder without her. She knew Ashlyn must've had a tough night, too. She moved down and laid next to Ashlyn. 

She fell asleep crying against the back of Ashlyn's shoulder. 

...

Ashlyn heard a loud knock on the door. She felt a weight on her shoulder as she got up to answer. She groggily opened the door for Whitney and let her in. On her way back to bed, she saw Ali.

"When did she get here?" She asked.

"She's been here for awhile. I guess you were still asleep." Whit explained.

"I guess so." Ash answered distantly. She was too busy staring at Ali and wishing she could hold her.

"Look, you should wake her up. You need to get your stuff. The bus is leaving for the airport in twenty minutes." 

"Yeah, ok." Ash replied. 

Ash sat down on the bed and shook Ali gently. "Ali, you gotta get up. We need to leave soon."

Ali squirmed a little and opened her eyes. She saw Ashlyn looking down at her and she smiled. She thought that maybe everything would be ok.

"We gotta pack up our stuff." Ash said. She helped her fiancé up and gathered what few possessions she had from the night before.

The two of them walked together to their room. Ali had already taken care of both of her and Ashlyn's packing, so they were able to actually sit down and talk.

"Soooo...Ash," Ali said slowly. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you last night. I know you were trying to do a nice thing for me. I feel horrible about how things ended up." Ali apologized.

Ashlyn sat down on the floor between the two beds in the room and kept her head down, with her eyes towards the floor.

"It's not your fault. It's me. I said the wrong things. I did everything wrong." Ash admitted.

"Ash, Baby, can you look at me?" 

Ashlyn slowly brought her gaze up to Ali and waited for her reply. She had done a lot of thinking after talking to Tobin. Whitney encouraged her to stay the course and trust that things would turn out the way they should, but she felt she was holding Ali back.

"Ali, I'm really struggling with whether or not we should go on like this. I know I love you. There's no question about that, but I feel like you are having to go through too much for me." Ash said. She lowered her head back down and waited for Ali's response. She knew it was going to be hard no matter what.

"What are you saying? Are you saying you want to break up?" Ali asked.

She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Could Ashlyn possibly let her go?


	11. Going Home

"Ashlyn, answer me. Are you dumping me?" Ali asked again. She held her breath and waited for an answer.

"Can we not talk about this right now? We have a bus trip and a flight in like ten minutes." Ash answered.

"We are not leaving until you tell me what's going on!" Ali demanded. "If you really expect me to wait until we get home to find out if your breaking up with me, then you're crazy. That's the cruelest thing anyone could ever do!" Ali said in what could only be described as a crying scream.

"Ali, come on. It's not a simple answer. We don't have time to get into it." Ash replied. She needed her fiancé to settle down before they had to leave.

"We can take a later flight. I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." Ali said.

"Alex..." Ash started and then paused. She knew there would be no turning back if she kept going.

"Look...How are YOU doing?" Ash asked.

"What?" Ali asked. She was surprised by Ashlyn's weird change of subject.

"Just tell me, Alex. How are you? Are you excited about the World Cup coming up? Are you worried that you might not make the roster? How's your conditioning?" Ash asked. "How are YOU doing?"

"What are you talking about? I don't understand the question." Ali asked. Ali thought either Ashlyn had gone crazy or she was trying to push her over the edge.

"I'm talking about the fact that your life has stopped. All you worry about is me. It took me and your dad to talk you into even coming to this camp. You've completely given up on being happy and doing things for your own benefit." Ash said. She took a deep breath and said, "I can't be the one who does that to you."

"Ashlyn, you are more important to me than all of those things."

"But it's not right for me to stand by and let that happen." Ash replied.

"Ash, when you love someone they come first. Nothing else matters. It's not a bad thing for me to put you before soccer and everything else. It's love." Ali explained. "That's what love does."

"And now it's my turn to put you first." Ash replied.

"So, you're gonna break up with me, because you think that's what's best? You're gonna break my heart and KILL me, because you're looking out for my best interest?" Ali said sarcastically. 

"I never said I was breaking up with you!" Ash replied emphatically. She felt like Ali wasn't listening to her.

"Then what is this all about?"

"It's about you giving up your life to try and protect me from mine." Ash answered.

"Ashlyn, I don't understand what you're saying." Ali said completely confused.

"I need to find out who I am. And you need to let me. I feel like I can't love you right until I know how we got here. How I got here."

"What do you need me to do?" Ali asked. She was still confused but she was relieved that Ash wasn't going to leave her.

"I need you to let me go."

...

On the trip home Ashlyn wore sunglasses and headphones to make sure no one bothered her. She told Ali to tell everyone she was sleeping. She couldn't handle the barrage of questions and good intentions of her teammates. All of their efforts only made her feel worse. 

After their talk, Ali agreed to do everything she could to help Ashlyn without giving up on her own dreams and happiness. Once their taxi dropped them off at their house, the couple quietly unpacked and got ready for bed. 

"So, am I sleeping in the guest room tonight?" Ali asked timidly.

"Alex, I told you we're not breaking up. Why would you sleep in the guest room?" Ash said.

"I don't know. I'm just trying to do what you asked."

Ash had asked her to loosen up and to trust that she could handle whatever was ahead. Ali had become too protective of Ashlyn. She had completely abandoned her own life to become Ashlyn's watchdog. Ash asked Ali to let her get hurt, if necessary. She asked her to trust that she was strong enough to take it.

"Ali, get over here." 

Ali walked the few steps between her and Ashlyn. She let Ash hold her. 

Ashlyn was starting to feel like a person again. She was starting to feel like she had something to offer her fiancé. Ash held Ali in all of her confusion and fear of things to come. 

...

"Ash, are you sure you wanna do this?" Ali asked. She was helping Ashlyn pack a suitcase.

"I know this is something I have to do." Ash answered.

"Baby, please let me go with you. I can stay away at a hotel and only see you at night. Just don't go alone. Please." Ali begged.

"Alex, I already told you that I need to do this alone. I'll call you everyday. Don't worry."

"Ash, trust me on this. If you're gonna go, let me go with you." Ali insisted.

"No, Ali. We agreed that you would let go and let me face the truth about who I am, no matter how hard it is."

"But you can still do that with me there." Ali reasoned.

"No, Alex." Ash said and kissed her fiancé's forehead before carrying her bag to the front door. "Are you going to drive me or do I have to call a cab?"

Ali felt sick. She knew she had to respect Ashlyn's wishes but she also knew what her fiancé was going to encounter. 

"Ash, listen to me. Even if you had your memory and everything was fine, I would still want to go with you. This isn't about treating you like you're sick and in need of protection, it's about me wanting to be there for the woman I love." Ali took Ashlyn by both hands and pulled her into her. "Please, don't go alone!"

Ashlyn couldn't help but feel bad for Ali. Her resolve melted with each passing second.

"You'll stay at a hotel?" Ash asked softly.

"If that's what you want." Ali answered.

Ash gave into Ali's pleading and invited her to come along. Ali had a bag stashed in the trunk of her car, just in case she would be able to change her fiancé's mind. Her 'just in case' preparations had paid off. They were able to leave right away and not be late.

Ashlyn was on her way to meet her family.

...

Ashlyn's taxi dropped her off at an apartment by the beach. Ali and her had flown to Florida and stayed the night at a hotel together. Though Ali hated it, Ashlyn left her in their room and ventured off on her own.

She approached the door she was looking for and knocked gently. She hoped that this would be the least difficult visit on her trip. When she had knocked and no one answered she decided to hit the door a little harder. 

No one came. She exhaled loudly and turned to leave in defeat. She slowly reached for her phone to call Ali and asked her what she should do. She got as far as dialing the number when she heard the door finally open.

She hung up.

"Ashlyn?" The man was definitely surprised to see her.

"Hey, um, Chris?" Ash asked. She wasn't sure if this was her brother or not. He looked a lot like the picture her fiancé had shown her, but she didn't want to make a mistake.

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked.

"Are you Chris?" Ash asked. She wasn't going to say a word until she knew for sure.

Chris sadly nodded. It was as if he just remembered something. He had done all he could to push out of his mind the fact that his little sister was hurting and struggling with her memory.

"Can I come in?" Ash asked. Her courage was quickly fading. She wondered if Ali was right. Maybe she wasn't capable of dealing with this after all. 

"Yeah. Uh, sorry it's a mess." Chris apologized and opened the door widely for her to walk in.

"My house would look worse than this if it wasn't for Ali." Ash said, trying to make him feel better. Her comment did the opposite, though. It made him feel guilty for not checking on her in person.

"Do you want something to drink?" 

"What do you have?" Ash asked. She didn't really want anything, but thought it might be good to give herself a few more moments to collect her thoughts. 

"Uh...beer and water." He answered. He was a typical bachelor. Once again, Ash was reminded of how lucky she was to have Ali. 

"Water is fine." 

Chris cleaned off a spot on his couch and motioned for Ash to sit. He left to get her beverage and Ashlyn scanned the place for a picture or any other evidence that he cared about her. 

She found none.

Chris handed her the drink and asked, "You sure you don't want a beer?" He had his own in his hand. Judging by the empty bottles on the floor and coffee table it was his drink of choice.

Ash smiled nervously and said, "Yeah, I can't mix alcohol with my medicine." She set the glass of water down on the coffee table.

"Oh." Chris said quietly, filled with guilt. "So, uh, what brings here? Where's Ali?"

"I needed to talk to you alone." Ash said, answering both of his questions.

"Ok." 

"I guess the biggest one is, um..." Ash swallowed hard and felt her face warm up with anxiety. She didn't know if she was really ready to hear the answers she was searching for.

She should have brought Ali.

"I was wondering..." Ash continued. "Why didn't you come and check on me in person? I was all alone."

"Ali was there." Chris said, trying to defend his actions, knowing that he was in the wrong. He was hoping to make both of them feel better about what he had done.

"So, you felt like you didn't need to come?" Ash asked. She was borderline confused and hurt.

"Ash, you don't remember me. If you did you would know that it's better for me to stay away."

Her brother's words echoed in her mind as she remembered what she had said to Ali. She really wished Ali had come along. 

She nodded and lied, "I understand. It's ok." She stood up, never having drank any of the water her brother had given her, and made her way towards the door.

"Wait, Ashlyn! You don't have to go." Chris exclaimed.

Ashlyn felt stupid for coming. She didn't know what she expected, but it wasn't to have her own words repeated back to her. She didn't expect to find out she was completely wrong about what she had told Ali. For some reason, with her brother so close and willing to answer her questions, all she could think about was her fiancé and making things right.

Ashlyn stopped with her hand resting on the handle of the front door. She didn't know what to do. She had come all this way, and Ali was at a hotel that she didn't have a ride to. She would have to wait for a taxi to come. 

Maybe she should stay.

She turned around and looked steadily into her brother's eyes. She searched for any resemblance of love. She thought she could see a fragment of it.

She walked back to the spot on the couch that wasn't covered in dirty clothes and pizza boxes and sat down.

"Look, Ash, I'm really sorry. I screwed up. I should've come the minute Ali called me." Chris said.

"Why did you think it was better not too?" 

"I was scared that you might be dead....at least when she first called and said you were missing. I was worried that I lost the only person I really ever cared about and the only person who cared about me. Then when I found out you were ok, I was happy. But Ali said you forgot everything. And I realized the only person who loves me, doesn't love me anymore. It was stupid. I should've just manned up and visited you." He explained.

"Yeah, you should have." Ash answered. 

She was trying to sort through everything her brother had said. She didn't know where to go from here. Should she ask about the fact that he thought their parents didn't love him, or about how he didn't love their parents? Should she ask about what had happened to cause him to feel that way? Should she just drop it?

"Ashlyn, I'm really sorry. I was so worried about losing you and then Ali told me that even though you survived your accident, I still lost you." Chris said. He took a drink of his beer and struggled to say his next thought. "Ash, you're the only one who understands what we went through as kids. Even though we didn't talk a lot over the years, we always had that bond. Now, you're different. I feel like I've lost a part of who I am. I've lost the only person who knows me."

Ashlyn knew what it felt like to lose yourself. She swallowed hard to hold back her emotions. She didn't want to break down in front of her brother.

"I don't know what to say." She finally answered.

The siblings sat in an awkward silence for an extended amount of time. It wasn't a few minutes. It may have been fifteen, twenty, maybe thirty minutes. Ashlyn felt like it was even longer. 

There was an unmistakeable distance between them, and she didn't know if it was normal or something new. 

"I guess I should go now." Ash announced. She was more confused than ever.

"Ok." This time Chris didn't try to argue. The lengthy silence between the two had made it clear that even though they had a lot more to say, the talking was over.

Chris halfheartedly waved to his sister as she walked out. He watched her sit on the curb and make a phone call. It was clear she didn't have a ride back to where ever she came from. He could've offered to drive her, but he thought that would've made things more awkward. 

Ali was right.

He was never good at dealing with difficult things.

It took Ali about fifteen minutes to get to her. She hated that Ash was hurting, but was thankful she called her to come help. Chris and Ali shared an unseen look between them before Ali scooped Ashlyn up in her arms and held her while she fell apart. Ashlyn was oblivious to the fact that Chris was watching her.

Ali led her to the taxi and they made their way back to their hotel room.

...

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ali asked. She held Ashlyn in their bed. Ash pressed her face hard against Ali's chest and closed her eyes tightly. She wanted to be back home in their house, away from her forgotten life.

"Can we talk later?" Ash asked shyly. 

"Of course." Ali said and placed a protective kiss on the top of her fiancé's head.

Her heart ached for Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn ended up falling asleep in Ali's arms. She was emotionally exhausted from the short visit with her brother. Ali was thankful for the little bit of peace Ashlyn was able to get while she slept. 

When Ash woke up she was starving. She accepted Ali's offer to take her out for something to eat. Ali decided that she could give Ash some history and answers in a more safe way, just by showing her some of the places the two of them had visited in the past.

"We like to come here for breakfast." Ali said as the waitress showed them to a table. "We usually come in the early afternoon. We also like to sleep in when we're here." Ali said with a grin.

Ali sat next to Ash, instead of sitting across from her. Ash put her arm through Ali's and leaned her head on her shoulder as they looked through the menu together. Ashlyn stayed pretty quiet while Ali went through the things they had ordered in the past. 

After they had eaten their dinner consisting of breakfast foods, Ali took Ashlyn to a nearby pier for a sunset walk. 

"This is one of the first places you brought me on our first visit to meet your family." Ali explained. The two were walking side by side. Ali's arm held Ash tightly around the waist, while Ashlyn wrapped an arm around Ali's shoulders.

"It beautiful." Ash said. She scanned the horizon and watched the waves gently crash against the beach sand.

Ali started to chuckle. "You said the same thing when you first brought me here, only you used it as an opportunity to be a charmer." 

"What do you mean?" 

"If I'm remembering correctly you said something along the lines of 'The beauty of the sun and sea are no match for thee.'" Ali said in a slightly mocking voice.

Ashlyn erupted in laughter. "I did not say that!" She argued.

"Baby, I promise you did."

Even though the following day would be filled with great difficulty as Ash planned to visit her parents, for this one brief moment Ashlyn felt nothing but absolute joy with Ali.

"That's such a cheesy line, Babe. Why did you ever agree to marry me?" Ash asked.

Ali squished Ashlyn's cheeks together with both hands and said, "How could I say no to this cute face?" 

She kissed Ash's lips playfully and then felt Ashlyn's grip around her waist, pulling her in close. Ashlyn wasn't feeling very playful. She kissed Ali deeply. Ali felt dizzy from the passion.

"Ali, I love you. I'm sorry for..." Ash hesitated to find the right word. "...everything."

"Baby, it means so much to me that you're letting me share this with you. It's not your fault that it's been hard lately." Ali answered.

"I don't know if it means much but I feel like things are getting better." Ash replied.

"Really?" 

"Yeah. At least for me and you. I'm figuring out that it's ok for us to help each other out, and I don't have to keep stuff from you." Ash said.

Ali's smile reached her eyes and she said, "I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that! I love you, Ash. I always will and I will always be here for you. No matter what."

"Thanks. I love you, too. I can't wait to marry you." Ash replied. 

Thankfully things were looking up for Ashlyn and Ali's relationship. Ash would soon need her future wife's support more than ever.

Tomorrow would be a day Ashlyn will never forget.


	12. The Chair

Ali woke up to the sensation of Ashlyn placing kisses all over her face. When she opened her eyes she saw her fiancé on all fours, with her hands on either side of her head. 

"Morn'n, Babe." Ash said with a huge grin on her face.

"Good morning." Ali answered in a husky morning voice.

"I got us breakfast." Ash said proudly. She quickly pecked her fiancé's lips before rolling off of Ali, and excitedly hopping out of bed.

Ash grabbed two to-go boxes and two cups of juice. 

"I went to that place you showed me yesterday. I hope it's ok. I just ordered what you got last night." Ash said.

"Baby, that's sweet. Thank you." Ali said. She informed her fiancé that she needed a quick bathroom break before they partook of breakfast together.

Once Ali's bladder was empty, she joined Ashlyn for breakfast in bed and went over the day's planned events together. Their day was jam packed with discovering memories; some good, some bad.

...

"Baby, that is where you proposed to me." Ali said and pointed to an intimate spot on the beach. "Right by those rocks."

Ash studied the area, hoping to remember something. She felt like a horrible person, not being able to remember one of the most important moments in her life. 

Ali watched her hopefully. She wanted her to remember. She thought it would be romantic. Unfortunately, Ashlyn looked as confused as ever.

"Sorry." Ash apologized. She knew what Ali was thinking. 

"It's not your fault. It was a slim to none chance that you'd remember." Ali said, trying to cover the sadness in her voice. Ashlyn picked up on it.

"I'm really sorry, Alex. I hate disappointing you."

"You don't disappoint me. You have amnesia. 'Not remembering' is part of the deal." Ali said with a small smile. 

Even though she really was disappointed, it meant the world to her that Ashlyn was trying so hard. Having her trust and willingness to work through the difficulties ahead together, meant everything to her.

"This was never part of the deal." Ash replied, referring to the hardships her accident had caused. "When you agreed to marry me you probably never envisioned this."

"No, I definitely didn't. But I did envision spending all of my days with the person that I love more than life, itself. I would say 'yes' to you everyday, if you asked. Circumstances may have changed since then, Ash. But my commitment and excitement about marrying you is as strong as ever." Ali promised.

"Aw," Ash said, "You're the best." She pulled Ali into a hug.

Ali replied, "I really am, aren't I?" 

Ali's squealed when she felt her fiancé pick her up off the ground. 

"Ashlyn, don't you dare!" Ali warned. Ash was carrying her towards the water. Ali tried to protest some more but it was too little, too late. Ash had completely submerged her into the water.

Ashlyn left Ali in the water and ran up the shoreline. Ali wasn't going to let her get away with her shenanigans. She sprinted towards her and tackled her down to the wet sand.

The couple rolled around on the ground, trying to pin the other down. Their laughter and wrestling wore them out. They ended up both surrendering to each other and lying flat on their backs to catch their breath. 

Ashlyn was able to see the rocks Ali had pointed at earlier. She stared at them, longing to get a glimpse of her and Ali's past. She slowly stood to her feet and offered a hand to help Ali up. Ash led Ali to the rocks, their hands never leaving one another.  
They found one of the bigger rocks to sit on and quietly watched the waves roll into the shore. 

"When I was a kid I used to come here. It was always so peaceful." Ash said, mindlessly.

Ali caught what her fiancé had missed. "What did you say?" She asked, just to make sure she hadn't imagined it.

"I said I used to come here when I needed peace." Ash answered.

"Baby, did you hear yourself?" Ali asked with a big smile and tears welling up in her eyes. "You just remembered something."

Ashlyn was genuinely surprised. The memory had just come out. She didn't even think about it. "I did, didn't I?" Ash said, her eyes wide.

"You did!" Ali said and lunged to hug her fiancé. She pulled away, only to make enough room to give her a kiss.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Alex." Ash said quietly.

Ashlyn never imagined that such a small memory could mean so much.

...

 

"Are you ready for this?" Ali asked. "We don't have to do this today."

"This is why we're here." Ash said. She knew her fiancé was nervous. They both knew this would be the hardest stop on their trip.

"Baby, you've already had a big day. You remembered something from when you were little. Maybe that's enough for now." 

"Alex, I have to do this." Ash answered. She knew she would regret it later if she chickened out. "Besides, you're with me. Nothing bad can happen to me when I'm with you." She said with a smile.

"I hope that's true." Ali said. Her chest felt like it was going to explode from the rapid beating of her heart. Her anxiety was rising by the second.

The women held hands and made their way to the front porch. Ashlyn paused, pressed down on her hair to make sure it was in place, and took a deep breath. After exhaling slowly she knocked cautiously on the door in front of her.

Ali's eyes never left Ashlyn's face. She wanted to tell her that she shouldn't waste her time or energy worrying about what her parents thought of her. She could save a bus load of children from burning alive and they would still find something to criticize her about.

Ashlyn tried knocking again, but no one appeared to be home. Ali was relieved. Maybe Ash would be able to skip this painful experience, after all. 

Ash let go of Ali's hand and walked around the house looking for something she might remember. Ali wanted them to get the heck out of there, but Ashlyn was too desperate to find out who she was and what made her that way, that she couldn't be stopped.

"Baby, maybe we should come back later." Ali suggested. She had caught up with Ashlyn who was inspecting a fence that blocked off the back yard of the property.

"I think I can climb this." Ash said. She was completely consumed with the possibility of uncovering her past.

"Ashlyn, I'm pretty sure that's illegal. Let's just go." 

"I used to live here. This is my home. I won't get in trouble. You can wait in the car, if you want. If the cops come just tell them that my parents live here." Ashlyn instructed.

"I'm not waiting in the car alone." Ali grabbed Ashlyn's arm and held on tight. Ashlyn switched gears from reckless and curious to wanting to make Ali feel safe. 

"Babe, it's ok. We'll only take a few minutes." Ash promised.

Ashlyn laced her own fingers together and got down on one knee next to the fence. It was clear that she wanted Ali to step on her hands and climb over the fence. 

Ali didn't want to. She knew anything beyond this point could only bring trouble. But she also knew that if she didn't let Ash have her way, then Ashlyn would have to face it on her own. That simply wasn't an option.

Ali stepped onto Ashlyn's hands and let her hoist her up over the fence. Ashlyn jumped and grabbed the top of the fence with both hands. She pulled herself up and hopped over to the other side.

Ashlyn immediately went straight to an old weathered dog house. She knelt down in front of it and tried to remember what the dog that used to live in it looked like. Frustration filled her as her memory came up with nothing. She felt Ali's hand on her shoulder and stood up. She didn't want to break down over a dog house. Maybe the dog wasn't around when she was little. Maybe there wasn't a dog for her to remember.

She scanned the yard and didn't see anything that stood out to her until her eyes landed on a storm cellar door. Though it didn't offer any familiarity to her, she still felt she needed to explore what was behind it.

"Baby, we should go." Ali said. She saw where Ash was headed.

"It's fine. I told you." Ash answered, completely distracted by her curiosity.

"Ashlyn, I'm serious. Let's get out of here."

Ashlyn didn't answer. She was so bewitched by the door. It was white, matching the rest of the house, but the paint was chipped and peeling. The latch was rusted, and though their was a lock, Ashlyn knew she'd be able to get in. 

Ashlyn broke the latch off and slowly opened the door.

"Ashlyn, please..." Ali begged.

Ash slowly took a step inside and used her phone as a flashlight to see into the darkness below. Inside she found old tools, and a whole lot of junk. There was a small dirty teddy bear propped up against a box in the corner. She carefully picked it up and had a wave of sadness wash over her.

"I think this was mine." She said. She caught herself getting emotional over a stuffed toy that may, or may not, belong to her.

"Ash, we need to go."

"Not yet." Ashlyn answered determinedly. "There's still more here. I know there's something here."

Ashlyn knew that the small, dark space underneath the house was creepy and scary. She thought of Ali, and for her sake, suggested that they keep looking somewhere else. 

Ashlyn jiggled the knob on the back door and found that, unlike the front door, it was unlocked. Ash took advantage of the opportunity, and went inside.

Ali knew there was no point in trying to convince Ashlyn to leave. She hooked her arm in Ashlyn's and held on tight with both hands to Ash's bicep.

The back door led right into the kitchen. Ashlyn ran her fingers over the edge of an old wooden chair and froze and then Ali felt her tremble.

"You were right." Ash said. "We shouldn't have come."

Ashlyn began to slowly back up towards the door, when she heard a noise. 

There was someone else in the house.


	13. House Not A Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Trigger Warning for mention of abuse (I don't think its too graphic, but please be careful.)
> 
> 2\. Warning for strong language.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Ashlyn and Ali had been caught.

As soon as Ashlyn heard the older woman's voice she felt a flash of pain on her cheek. She barely heard Ali say, "We were just about to leave." 

After that the voices around Ashlyn became muffled and indistinguishable. Ashlyn brought her right hand up to her face and felt her fingers become wet. She brought her hand back down and saw blood.

It was Ali's voice that brought her back to the present. She heard her scream, "You don't deserve her!"

Ashlyn looked back down at her fingers that only moments ago were red with blood, and found that they were now clean. After she heard her mother call Ali a horrible name, she snapped out of her memory fog just in time to see her fiancé lunging toward the older woman. Ashlyn grabbed Ali by the waist and pulled her back. Ash's touch brought Ali back to a place of sanity. Ali had let her anger get the better of her.

"Ash, let's go." Ali said with a shaky voice.

"Hold on." Ash answered. "I just have one question." Ash said. She moved in front of Ali so that she was between the women. "Do you wish you would've done things differently?"

Ali was surprised that out of all of the things Ashlyn could have asked, that was what she chose.

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn's mother asked.

"Do you wish we could've gotten along?" Ashlyn clarified. "If you could change how we treated each other, would you?"

"Ashlyn, there is something I regret. I regret that you were ever born." 

"Ashlyn is the best thing that you've ever done in your life!" Ali defended.

Ashlyn glanced at the chair that she first saw as they entered the house. It reminded her of some terrible things that had happened to her there. 

"Mom..." Ash said. She hadn't called her mother that since she was a kid. "We have a chance to start over." Ash said. 

She felt like a small, vulnerable child in need of her mother's love and protection. She wanted to have a chance at knowing her mother's love, and maybe forgetting the past meant that they had a chance at a future together.

"Ashlyn, you and I have been through too much." Her mother said. Ashlyn thought she heard a twinge of regret.

Ali wanted more than anything to leave. Her future mother-in-law didn't deserve any more chances.

"Mom, I know deep down you can't want things to be like this." Ash said. 

Ali felt that she should've been more clear to Ashlyn about her parents. She should've explained things in a little more detail. Then Ash would've known, there is no good to be found here.

Ashlyn thought she had a chance at getting through to her mother, but it was too late. The moment was interrupted by a slamming door.

"Who parked their car in front of our yard? This isn't a parking lot!" Ashlyn's father yelled at his wife. He turned the corner and found that more than just his wife had heard him.

Ali took Ash's hand and started to pull her back towards the door. Ali had heard enough stories to know that Ashlyn's father was a dangerous man.

"What are you doing here? You and your slut girlfriend are not welcome in this house!" Ashlyn's dad screamed.

Ali really hated that guy.

Ashlyn was no longer seeking reconciliation. No one talks about Ali that way.

"If you don't shut your mouth, I'll shut it for you!" Ash yelled.

Ali knew that this would not lead anywhere good. "Ash, it's time for us to go." 

"Your grandmother told me what happened to you." He said with a look of satisfaction on his face. "I've never been a big believer in karma, but maybe it's true after all." 

"Ashlyn..." Ali said. She had a firm hold of her hand and squeezed it tightly. She was terrified.

"Ashlyn..." Her father said in a whiny voice, mocking Ali. He laughed before saying, "You don't remember anything, do you? Because if you did, you would know better than to come here. You see, I told you the night that you left home, that I would kill you if you ever came back." 

That's all Ali needed to hear. She pulled her phone out and held it up so that the horrible man in front of her could see it. "I'm calling the police."

"You're the ones in my house." The man said. "You're the ones who aren't welcome here. I haven't done a thing."

"We were just leaving." Ali said. It suddenly occurred to her that the back door wasn't going to be an option for a quick get-away. They would have to jump over a fence to get to their vehicle.

Ali was planning their escape with her phone already dialed to 911. All she had to do was press send to make the call.

Ashlyn had other plans. It was clear that any hope of having a civilized conversation had been lost. She was ready to hold her father accountable.

"What did you do to Chris and I?" She asked. 

"You really are brain damaged, aren't you? Maybe I should call the authorities and have them put you in a straight jacket and lock you up." He said with a smile. He was truly amused by his daughter's injury. As far as he was concerned, Ashlyn deserved it. "God doesn't approve of your whorish ways."

"You don't know anything about God." Ali said. She knew that he was as far from God as a person can be. If anything, he was the devil.

"The two of you deserve whatever you get." He answered Ali. 

"We'll be just fine. Don't worry about us. But we'll be sure to wave when God sends you both to hell!" Ali said filled with rage.

Ashlyn was feeling a lot of things, but anger was the most dominant emotion. "You know what? I'm glad I got into that accident." Ash said. "It was a gift for me to be able to forget a sorry, sick piece of shit like you. Does it make you feel like a tough guy to beat up women and children?" Ash asked. She glanced at her mother who still has remnants of a bruise on her neck.

"Don't you talk to me like that! You've always had a smart mouth. If I cared about you I would do something about that filthy mouth of yours." He said.

Ashlyn felt a sharp pain in her head and saw a bright flash of light. Suddenly she was five years old and her father was standing over her in the bathroom. 

"We need to scrub the filth off of you." He said. She was small and naked in the bathtub and he scrubbed her skin raw.

The flashback was quick, but it gave her enough information to realize that she didn't want to be his victim anymore. "How about if I take care of your filthy mouth? Maybe I need to scrub your skin until it bleeds. That's what it takes, right?" Ash asked rhetorically. 

She was ready to snap. 

Ashlyn's mother sounded desperate when she said, "Remember what your parents said." She was talking to her husband, who looked like he was going to murder someone.

Once he heard what his wife had said, he turned around and walked away. There was something more going on than Ali or Ashlyn knew. Ali didn't care what it was, she was just glad to see that the devil was retreating. There may still be hope left that they would make it out of the house in one piece.

Ali had listened for his footsteps. When she was convinced that he had gone upstairs and was far enough away, she said, "We're leaving." 

Ali didn't wait for an answer from her fiancé. She dragged her through the house to the front door, and didn't stop until they were both inside their rental car.

Ali locked the doors and drove away.

...

"We are never going back there again!" Ali declared as they pulled into the hotel parking lot. 

"I might wanna go back tomorrow." Ash replied. She still had too many questions that needed answered.

"Ashlyn, it's not safe. We can talk to your brother or your grandparents. But we have to stay away from that house." Ali said.

"What do you know about that house?" 

"I know that for you it was a horrible place. They treated you like a piece of garbage. The last fight that you got into was when you stood up for your mother. You got in the way of his fist. He screamed at you, and your mother blamed you for the abuse, instead of defending you. You tried to protect her and she chose him over you. Ashlyn, it's better for the things that happened in that house to stay buried. Neither of your parents deserve you."

Ashlyn didn't give a response to Ali. She didn't know how to feel. She came to Florida to find out the truth, but perhaps the truth was better off left forgotten.

The two women walked in silence to their room. Ali kept a protective hand on Ashlyn's back as they made their way through the halls of the hotel. As soon as they opened the door, Ashlyn went to the bathroom to take a shower.

She felt dirty.

...

"Baby, are ok?" Ali asked. Ashlyn had been in the bathroom for over an hour. Ali knew that she deserved a little privacy after the day they had, but she couldn't help but worry.

Ali heard Ashlyn clear her throat before she answered, "I'm ok."

Ali could tell by Ashlyn's small sounding voice that she wasn't ok.

"Baby, can I come in?" Ali asked. She knew that the door was unlocked, but she still wanted to make sure Ashlyn felt comfortable before she entered.

"Yeah." 

Ali slowly opened the door and found her future wife, naked and sitting in the bathtub. 

"Ash, you're shivering." Ali pulled a towel off a nearby shelf and wrapped it around her, before helping her stand up. 

"When I was little my father used to scrub me to get all the filth off of me." Ashlyn explained blankly. Her voice was void of any emotion and her teeth were chattering from the cold. "I also remembered that they would have us sit on a chair in the kitchen and lay our hands on the table. He said if we moved them he would hurt us more."

Ali wasn't sure what Ashlyn was saying about her hands, but she wasn't going to press for more details. Her fiancé was probably in shock.

Ash held her hands out and turned them so that her palms were facing Ali. She stared at the tops of her hands and could hear the sound of the wooden spoon smashing them against the table of her childhood home. She spread her fingers out and then brought them into a fist. 

She wanted to fight back.

"I think we need to talk to my brother next." Ash said. Ali rubbed her towel covered body to produce heat to warm her up. "I didn't know what to say the last time we talked. Now I have more of an idea."

"We can do that." Ali said. She resisted the urge to cradle Ashlyn in her arms and hold her until the day's events were a distant memory. She didn't want to treat Ashlyn like a powerless child.

She wanted to be strong for her fiancé, but she knew she needed to help her be strong for herself.

...

"Tell me a happy memory, Alex." Ash quietly asked after they had both been trying to fall asleep for a while. The day had worn them out, but it also made it difficult for them to find enough peace to go to sleep.

"Ok. Let me think." Ali answered. Both women laid on their sides. Ashlyn's front against Ali's back, Ash holding onto Ali extra tight. "When you first moved out to Germany, we would spend our days off together. I remember one particular day, when it was extra cold and snowy out. We lived about three hours away from each other and the roads were bad. And I didn't want my Florida girl driving in the snow, so I decided to come to you." 

Ali smiled as she remembered the story. She continued. "Long story short, we stayed inside for two days straight. The only time we left your bedroom was to get something to eat." If Ashlyn would've been able to see Ali's face, she would've watched it turn bright red from the memory.

"That's definitely a happy memory." Ash said. "We have a lot of those together, don't we?"

"Yes, we do." Ali answered. "For every bad memory you have because of your parents, we have a million more good ones together."

"I can believe that." Ash said with a sleepy smile. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too."

After a few minutes of silence, Ali was certain Ash had fallen asleep, so she was surprised to hear her say, "I really love you a lot, Alex." 

Ali rolled towards Ashlyn and settled on her back. Ash was still on her side looking down at her beautiful fiancé. Ashlyn put one hand on Ali's waist and let the tips of her fingers find the underneath side of the waist band of her panties. She had no idea that she was driving Ali crazy.

The last time they had made love was before the accident. Ashlyn had asked that they take it slow. Ali, of course, respected her wishes. Ashlyn's well-being was far more important than sex. But in this moment, it seemed that Ashlyn might finally be ready. 

Ali wasn't going to take any chances, though. She willed herself to stay still and not let her body respond naturally to Ashlyn's touch.

Ashlyn lowered her head down to meet Ali's lips with her own. It didn't take long for Ali to find out that Ashlyn was indeed ready.

They shared more than just their bodies that night. They shared every part of themselves that they could give. They let each other be vulnerable and felt nothing but safety in one another's embrace.


	14. Sibling Rivalry

Ali breathed in her fiancé's scent when she woke up. Her head was resting on Ashlyn's bare chest as Ash held her securely in place. The memory of the night before flooded her thoughts. She couldn't hold back a sleepy grin. 

Ali decided she wasn't going to risk waking Ashlyn up. She wanted to hang on to this moment for as long as possible. She tried to fall back to sleep but she was feeling pure bliss from the night before. She was absolutely giddy.

Ali knew that Ashlyn had taken a huge step to returning to her completely. It wasn't that she doubted Ashlyn's love for her, but she did miss the familiarity between the two of them. It seemed that Ashlyn was finally comfortable with being completely open and vulnerable with her.

Ali couldn't contain her affection. She didn't mean to, but she did end up waking up her beloved. She had been thinking about the previous night and started placing gentle kisses on Ashlyn's skin.

"Mmm," Ash hummed. "That tickles."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't want to wake you." Ali said and moved further up the bed. Instead of Ash's chest, she decided to lay her head on an actual pillow. This way she could see Ashlyn's face.

"What?" Ash asked. She was confused by Ali's face. She looked different somehow.

"Nothing. I'm just happy." 

"You're glowing." Ash said. "Is that the right word?" She asked. She didn't know how else to describe it.

"I'm just so happy."

"I'm happy you're happy." Ash replied. She was still groggy from sleep.

"Can I take you out today?" Ali asked.

"You can take me wherever you want." Ash answered. She thought that was kinda what they had done since arriving in Florida. Ali was showing her around and revealing as many memories to her as she could.

"Baby, I mean, like on a date."

"Oh..." Ash was thankful for the explanation because she had completely missed what her fiancé meant. "Yeah, sure."

"Great! I'll pick you up at 8." 

"You'll pick me up? We're staying in the same room. Picking me up is like...turning around and saying, 'Hey, let's go.'" Ash laughed.

"I said I'm picking you up. That means I'm picking you up. No making fun of me." Ali said.

"Whatever you say, Babe."

"That's more like it." Ali said and gave her fiancé a quick peck to seal the deal.

...

"Thanks for meeting with us, Chris." Ali said as Ashlyn's brother met them for lunch. 

He was twenty minutes late, and made Ash question if he was gonna bail on her. Ali knew that it was a real possibility, but she had made it clear to him that his sister needed him. He promised he would be there for her.

"Glad to be here." Chris replied. He sat down in the empty chair across from Ashlyn. 

He was nervous. If he had felt more comfortable, he would've remembered to hug the women, but he knew what the conversation was going to be about and it threw him off his game.

He gave his attention to his sister and said, "Hey, Ash. You doing ok?" Ali had filled him in on their visit to his parents' house. He hated the Ash had to go through that without him.

"Yeah, I'm good." Ash answered unconvincingly. Her newfound confidence and progress with Ali had distracted her from the difficulties she had faced the day before. Her brother's present concern brought her back to reality.

"I don't believe you." He answered. 

The two shared a sadness that no one else could truly understand.

Ali watched as the weight of hurt increased between the siblings. She knew they needed a little help to move on from it enough to get more answers.

"So Chris, your mom said something that made us wonder if there was something else going on that we didn't know." Ali said. 

"Really? What's did she say?" Chris asked.

"Your dad was really upset and arguing with Ashlyn. Your mom told him to remember what his parents had said. He immediately dropped the subject and left." Ali explained.

"Really?" Chris replied. "I have no idea what that's about. I guess you're gonna have to talk to grandma and grandpa." 

"You left me." Ash said out of nowhere. "You left me there alone." 

"Ash, I..." Chris was lost for words. His guilt was something he lived with. He had stuffed it down as far as he could, but Ashlyn's statement brought back to the surface.

"I don't blame you." Ash said grievously. "I still don't know everything that went on there, but I'm glad you got out." 

Chris mindlessly scratched at the table cloth in front of him and replied, "Ash, I should've taken you with me. You had soccer and school. I didn't know what was best for you. Soccer was your way out, but I will always wish I had done things differently." 

"I get it." Ash said. She had no hard feelings for him once she saw how upset he was.

Ali reached over towards Ashlyn and let her hand rest on her thigh. She gave it a little squeeze for support. Ali's touch was a reminder that Ashlyn wasn't alone anymore.

"Ash," Chris said. "When we were kids we used to hide in the storm cellar..." Ali's eyes widened as Chris continued. She remembered how Ashlyn seemed drawn to it the day before. 

Chris continued, "I used to tell you stories about whatever I could think of to get your mind off of the fear." 

Ashlyn picked up Ali's hand and held it. She did it more for Ali's sake than her own. Ali was on the edge of her seat. She looked like she was going to cry.

"What kind of stories?" Ash asked.

Chris smiled slightly and said, "We were superheroes. We would travel the world looking for people to save." Chris continued to smile, but his eyes started watering as he thought back. "I remember one time you asked me why we couldn't save ourselves. You told me that one day you would save me." Chris put his head down. He didn't feel like reminiscing anymore. "You wanted to save me. You didn't see a future unless I was with you...and then I left you."

Ali wiped at her eyes and saw her future brother-in-law do the same. Ash remained stoic and still.

Chris looked up into his baby sister's eyes and said, "Please forgive me, Ash. I knew he was bad, but I never thought he would..." Chris' words trailed off. 

It suddenly dawned on him that Ash didn't remember everything, and that that was a true blessing. He couldn't let his own desire for forgiveness bring Ashlyn more hurt. He decided he would keep his confession to himself and keep things as unspecific as possible.

"Hey!" Chris said to change subjects. "When are you going to see grandma and grandpa? I can go with you." 

Ashlyn was thoroughly excited to spend time with her big brother. His offer made her forget his unfinished apology.

...

"Ashlyn, my sweet girl!" Ashlyn's grandmother swallowed her up in a hug the moment she saw her. "Ali has been keeping us updated on how you're doing, but I have been worried to death about you."

"Sorry." Ash said somewhat breathlessly. She was surprised the old woman had the strength to squeeze her so tightly.

"And beautiful Ali..." Grandma said. She let go of Ash and hugged Ali, too. "And my handsome boy." She moved on to Chris who could never deny his grandmother a hug. He wasn't as affectionate as some people, but he always made an exception for her.

"Hi, Grandma." Chris said. "Ash has some questions for you."

"Of course, whatever you need. Come in." Grandma answered.

Grandma Harris spent the first fifteen minutes of their visit feeding them baked goods and making them drink her famous lemonade. Ali adored the elderly woman and wished that they could visit her more often. 

Ashlyn's grandparents were to frail to travel, but they made sure to stay in touch with Ali about Ashlyn. They even spoke to Ashlyn a few times on the phone. They didn't want to push her or stress her out. At first, Ash didn't want to talk to anyone but Ali. She had come a long way since those early days of confusion and fear.

"My sweet Ashlyn, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. Your grandfather and I have been praying for you every morning and every night." Grandma said. 

"Thank you." Ash said timidly. She was still trying to take everything in. She didn't remember much about her grandparents. She felt unfamiliar about the elderly woman who was being very familiar with her.

Ali noticed Ashlyn's hesitancy right away. She decided to help get things moving. "Baby, why don't you tell your grandma what your mom said. She might know what that's about." 

Grandma Harris had reached across the table and taken Ashlyn's hand. Ash had been staring blankly at their hands for a few moments. Ali's voice gave her something else to focus on. 

"Oh yeah. Um..." Ash started. "My dad was arguing with me and then my mom said that you told him something. Whatever it was made him stop and leave."

Ashlyn's grandmother looked just as confused as Ash and Ali were when they had first heard it.

"I don't know what that could be about." She answered. "Maybe your grandfather said something. He has always been very protective of you two."

Ashlyn considered her grandmother's statement. It was nice to know that her family wasn't all dysfunction and sadness.

"Baby," Ali said quietly and leaned in towards Ash. "Is there anything else you want to ask?" 

Ashlyn was having a difficult time collecting her thoughts. She was sitting across from a sweet, wonderful woman who hadn't stopped taking care of them since they arrived. It was surprising to her. She was still trying to put all of the pieces together, but maybe she didn't have such a bad life growing up, after all.

Ash finally answered her fiancé. "Um, I don't know." She said. Her face made it clear that she was confused.

Ali brought Ashlyn's hand up to her lips and kissed it. She offered an encouraging smile and said, "Do y'all remember when we visited two years ago for Christmas?" 

She was asking Chris and Grandma. She knew Ash didn't remember.

Grandma's face broke into a smile. "Of course, dear. You kids' visits are my favorite." She said and smiled at Chris to let him know she included him in that sentiment too.

"I don't remember." Ash said softly. 

Ali knew that already. She had mentioned the memory not to upset her fiancé, but to start the group reminiscing about joyful times when they were together. She knew Ash loved to hear about happy memories.

"I know, Sweetheart." Ali said and gave Ash's hand a little squeeze. "That's why I brought it up. I think you should know that you still owe your brother payback."

"Payback?" Ash asked. She wondered what Chris could've done, and why Ali would bring it up.

"Yeah. He poured an entire bucket of cold water on your head when you were asleep." 

Ashlyn's face completely changed. She looked at her brother with a look of revenge. She was already plotting how she would avenge her loss of sleep. 

"Is that true, Chris?" Ash asked with a bit of a smirk on her face.

"Uhhhh, ummm..."He replied.

"Ok. I see how it is." She said and leaned forward towards where he was seated at the table. "I will get justice. You better watch your back."

"I'm not scared of you!" Chris said defensively. "Bring it on. I will destroy you!"

Ali and Grandma shared a smile, knowing that the Harris kids' sibling rivalry was just what they both needed. The rest of their time together was filled with prank war stories and fun memories of the two of them with their grandparents.

Ashlyn's smile never left her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update will be Ash and Ali's big date. 
> 
> I've also got a Miss You More update coming soon. :)


	15. Date Night

Ashlyn heard a knock on the door and quickly jumped up from her spot on the edge of the bed to answer it. She didn't need to look through the peephole. She knew who it was.

She took a deep breath and tried to settle the butterflies flying around in her stomach. Her favorite person in the entire world was standing on the other side of the door.

Ashlyn heard three more knocks, slightly louder than the ones she had heard before. She took another breath and was about to give herself a pep talk when she heard Ali's voice.

"Ash, let me in." 

Ashlyn hurriedly opened the door. "Sorry. I was nervous."

"Nervous?" Ali laughed. "You are the cutest." She gave Ash a quick kiss and then revealed the flowers she had hidden behind her back. "These are for you."

"Thanks." Ash said. She blushed as she took the flowers. She tried to cover her face by smelling the flowers, but Ali wasn't fooled.

She had Ashlyn right where she wanted her.

...

"Ya know, usually it's the other way around." Ali said.

She was driving their rental car, while Ashlyn was taking in the surroundings, trying to figure out what Ali had planned. 

"What do you mean?" Ash asked, sounding a little distracted. 

She hadn't let go of Ali's hand since they left the hotel, but her head was turned away and her focus was on the lit up buildings of the city Ali was driving through. The setting was very different than the beachside outings they had had thus far.

Ali thought Ashlyn's curiosity was endearing. She loved the fact that Ash was so excited.

"Usually I'm the one wondering what the night has in store." Ali answered Ashlyn.

Ash turned her head and gave Ali her full attention. "Really?"

"Yeah. You are one of the most romantic and thoughtful people ever." Ali explained. 

"I am?" Ash seemed thoroughly surprised by this notion. "Hmm..." 

It suddenly hit her that she hadn't been very romantic and thoughtful lately. She aimed to change that as soon as possible. She felt Ali deserved more from her than a forgetful tourist trying to figure out who she was. Ali had been patient and understanding, but she deserved so much more.

...

"Where the heck are we?" Ash asked. 

Ali had driven through downtown streets for almost a half hour. She pulled into the parking lot of a small hospital. Ali parked before she answered. 

"This happens to be one of my favorite all-time places."

"A hospital?" Ash asked, completely confused. She was expecting a hot date, not a trip to the ER.

"Baby, this is where you were born." Ali explained.

"Really?" Ash replied and examined the building more carefully now that it had a meaning behind it.

"Ash, I have to tell you something." Ali said. She sounded a little nervous, or guilty.

"O-kay..." Ash said slowly.

"Tomorrow is your birthday." 

"It is? I had no idea."

"Yeah. And your grandparents want to have a surprise party for you. I debated all day if I should tell you, or not. I figured I should at least tell you it's your birthday." 

"Wow..." Ash said. She couldn't find any other words to say. She was completely caught by surprise.

"Yeah. I know." Ali said. "I hope I didn't do the wrong thing."

"No, I'm glad you told me. I wouldn't have known how to handle a party." Ash answered.

Ali had suspected that a small detail like not knowing your date of birth might be hard on Ashlyn. She hadn't really thought about it until Ash's grandma brought it up earlier that day.

"Ash, I can always tell them that you're not up to it." Ali said. She wanted, more than anything, to protect Ashlyn. 

"No, it's ok. We can handle it." Ash said. "But I'm really glad you told me first."

"Good." Ali replied. "Sooooo..."

"Sooooo..." Ash repeated. 

"Let's get this party started." Ali said. She pulled Ash in for a kiss and said, "Happy day before your birthday, my love." 

The women stayed connected for a long moment before releasing one another. Ashlyn wanted to soak in as much of the kindness and affection as she could from her fiancé. She pressed their foreheads together and Ali watched a couple tear drops fall from Ashlyn's eyes. 

Ali knew that Ash was truly beginning to realize how greatly loved she was.

...

The couple had a late dinner at a small beachside restaurant. It was owned by a family who knew Ashlyn well when she was growing up. Ali had warned them ahead of time of Ashlyn's situation and asked that they let Ash be the one to initiate conversation and hugs. 

Ali informed Ash of the family's identity during dinner and Ashlyn was happy to talk with them for awhile. 

"We used to cheer for you at your games." An elderly woman revealed to Ashlyn. 

"Really?" Ash asked, completely surprised.

"We would sit next to your grandparents. Your grandmother always wore a shirt with your name on the back, and the front said 'I'm my granddaughter's biggest fan.' Your grandfather had a shirt that said, 'I taught my superstar all she knows.'"

Ali laughed and Ashlyn's eyes lit up. She had no idea she had so much support growing up.

"Your grandma used to bring us cookies and a thermos of hot chocolate. The entire team called her 'grandma.' You and your brother are her whole world." The woman said.

"She is pretty awesome." Ash said. The entire table nodded in agreement.

After a lot of laughter and story-telling, it was time for the couple to leave. Ash gave everyone a hug and thanked them for a great night. Ali did the same.

Once they had left the tiny restaurant, Ashlyn hugged Ali from behind. "Thank you, for that. I can't explain how much that meant me." 

Ali brought her hands up towards her chest to hold onto Ashlyn's arms. "I'm glad you liked it." Ali turned her head and caught Ashlyn's cheek with a kiss.

The cheek wasn't enough for her, though. Ali turned around in Ash's arms and embraced her fiancé around the waist. "Ashlyn, I love you so much. You need to know that although there isn't anyone in the universe that loves you as much as I do, there are a lot of people that love you a lot." 

"I'm starting to see that." 

"Baby, you're easy to love. You've made a big impact on a lot of people." Ali explained. 

She wanted Ash to know that she wasn't just 'lucky.' She deserved every ounce of love and goodness that existed in the world. She was one of a kind.

Ali and Ashlyn got held up by a few minutes of a passionate make-out session before heading to their last destination for the night.

"I have one more place to take you, if you're up to it." Ali said. The night had gotten away from them. It was almost midnight...almost officially Ashlyn's birthday.

"For sure. Let's do it." 

...

The last stop was at a surf shop. A young woman let them in and greeted them both with a hug.

"Thank you for meeting us so late." Ali said. Normally the woman would've been long gone by now.

"It's my pleasure. I'd do anything for you guys." She said.

Ali held onto Ashlyn's arm to make sure she felt comfortable. She didn't warn her first of this person's identity because she didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"Baby, this is Hannah. She's a pro surfer. The two of you used to surf together when you were kids. Her family owns this place." Ali explained to Ashlyn.

"Oh, wow." Ash said. She didn't really know what to say. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to act like a fan or a friend. She was quite impressed by the woman she had just met. 

Hannah smiled at her childhood friend and said, "Ali tells me it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Ash. I wish I could say I remembered without Ali reminding me, but I can't." 

"That's ok." Ash said. "I didn't remember it, either." She laughed.

"Well, now I don't feel so bad." Hannah joked. She cleared her throat and looked to Ali. "I've got everything ready if you two are ready."

"Yeah, we're ready." Ali answered.

Ash was completely in the dark about what was going on.

Hannah led them both to a room in the back. The walls were lined with surfboards, some finished and some not.

"This is your's right here." Hannah said and pointed out a custom made board specifically for Ashlyn. "It's all set up, just like you like it."

"Woah." Ash said. She gently brushed her hand over the top surface of the board and asked, "This is for me?" 

"Happy birthday, Ashlyn." Ali said. She had thought this would be the perfect gift for her fiancé. Ali figured the more Ash could get out into the water, the more she would start to really feel like herself.

...

After a great date night of fun and love, Ashlyn thanked Ali with more than just words. The two spent the early hours of the morning in one another's arms, making love and talking about their future together. 

Both of them were confident that nothing could ever separate their hearts. 

Love was real. 

And it belonged to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may, or may not, be the last one. I haven't decided yet.


	16. Not The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all convinced me. This won't be the end. Thanks for reading.

"Happy birthday, Baby." Ali mumbled into Ashlyn's messy hair. 

Ash was lying with her head on Ali's chest. Her hair tickled her fiancé's face. Ashlyn was barely awake. The two were recovering from a long night of intimacy together. 

Ashlyn was worn out.

"I don't wanna get up." Ash said sleepily. 

"Since it's your birthday, I'll let you sleep a little longer." Ali said. "But not too long. You have a surprise party to attend." Ali reminded Ashlyn of her grandparents' plan for the day.

"Ok." Ashlyn yawned and then placed a sleepy kiss on Ali's skin. 

She nuzzled in closer to Ali and fell back to sleep immediately.

Ali loved holding Ashlyn like this. Ash was always the one who used to hold her while they slept. She knew it was Ashlyn's nature to want to protect her and keep her safe. One way she usually did that was when they went to bed. She would hold Ali securely all night long. 

If it was possible, Ali was learning more about her fiancé because of the car crash and memory loss. The accident had forced Ashlyn into a very vulnerable state. The amnesia and accident were tragic events, but they had opened up a new side of Ashlyn. 

Ali felt blessed to be the one to see it.

...

"Happy birthday, my sweet granddaughter." Grandma Harris said. She pulled Ashlyn into a tight hug and kissed both her cheeks before letting go.

Ashlyn's grandma had met her and Ali at the door. She welcomed both women inside and revealed a 'Happy Birthday' banner for Ashlyn and a handful of family members.

Ashlyn's grandfather put down his unlit pipe and greeted Ash and Ali as they walked in.

"There's my girl." He said sweetly. His voice was shaky from old age and his hands were too. He took one of Ashlyn's hands in both of his, and brought it to his lips. He kissed it and said, "You're my special princess."

Ali teared up as she watched Ash's grandfather do what he had done every time they had visited in the past. When she was younger, Ashlyn's dad used to call her all sorts of horrible names and questioned her femininity. 

Grandpa Harris wanted to make a point to his granddaughter that she was special and beautiful. He always wanted her to know that there was nothing wrong with her. 

She was absolutely perfect.

"Thank you, Grandpa." Ash replied to his sweet statement. She imagined what it was like to hear that when she was a little girl. She knew that the man in front of her must be someone very important to her.

Ali introduced Ashlyn to her cousins and the aunts and uncles that were able to show up. They all adored her. Her parents weren't invited, for good reason. When Ashlyn's grandpa heard how Ashlyn was treated on her last visit home, he told his wife not to bother with their son and daughter-in-law anymore.

Ashlyn was his angel. She needed love, support and protection from her suffering, and her parents gave her nothing but more pain. He would've disowned his son, if his wife would've let him.

...

After most of the celebrating was done and most of the guests had left, Ashlyn joined her grandfather out on the front porch. He had stepped outside to smoke and Ash found him sitting in a weathered rocking chair.

She sat down on a nearby porch swing and the two enjoyed a comfortable silence together. Ash watched her grandpa puff away on his pipe and breathed in the familiar smell of his tobacco.

It made her smile.

"What's that grin for?" Grandpa Harris asked. He had noticed his favorite girl's face.

Ash still grinning answered, "Your pipe. The smell feels familiar. Not a lot of things feel familiar. It's nice."

Her grandfather smiled wide and took a few puffs before saying, "Your grandmother used to get mad at me for smoking around you. I tried to keep it from you and your brother, but there were many times when you would sneak out on the porch and climb up in my lap. I would alway set my pipe down when I was holding you, but the smell was always present. Your grandma always knew because your clothes would smell like me." He laughed a hearty laugh. "I told her, I could never deny my princess. If she wanted to sit with me, then she was gonna sit with me."

Grandpa Harris' face turned serious. Ashlyn didn't know why, but the reason was because he was thinking back about all the things he couldn't protect his special princess from.

Ashlyn watched as the man's eyes began to glisten. He cleared his throat and said, "Your grandmother and I are very..." He paused to find the right words. "well off." He took a puff and explained. "It's not in our nature to bribe people, but I need you to know something."

Ashlyn was intrigued by the turn of conversation. She didn't know what to expect from this man who seemed to be someone she knew she could trust.

"Most everything we have we are leaving to you and your brother. We have promised a good amount to our own children, as well. Most of them have made wise decisions and are in a good place financially on their own." The old man said.

Ash saw his face turn angry, "Except your parents." It wasn't their misuse of money that upset him, but their mistreatment of his grandchildren. "They don't deserve one penny of our money, but I made them a deal. I told them that they needed to make some changes in how they treat you and Christopher. I made it very clear that they won't see a penny of their inheritance if they hurt you." 

It all made sense now. When she and Ali had been at the old house, her mother reminded her father about what 'his parents had said' and he relented his angry attack on his daughter. It must've been all about the money.

"I can't make up for what you suffered." Grandpa said. "But at least I know you're safe now. That's worth all of the money in the world to me."

Ash didn't really know what to say. Every emotion seemed to be swirling together in a big ball inside her.

"Ashlyn." He said. He could see the inner conflict she was struggling with. "It's best for you to leave some things be. Remember the good and forget the bad. There's plenty of good to hold on to."

"Grandpa, if my parents are so bad, why aren't they in jail?" She asked. She didn't ask accusingly. She was only hoping for answers.

"They've been in and out of prison over the course of your childhood. Your grandmother and I would take you kids as much as we could. We had often discussed if we should've been more aggressive in keeping you full-time. That's what we wanted. But our health hasn't always been the best. We weren't sure if we could give you the home you deserved." 

At this moment, Ashlyn could see the heavy weight of regret resting on her grandfather's shoulders.

"You've helped me a lot." She said, trying to make him feel better.

"I could've done more." He simply answered. He wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. He turned his pipe upside down and tapped it against the ash tray on the table next to him. After emptying out the remains of the tobacco, he said, "We should probably go back in. Your Grandma will be missing us."

Ashlyn wanted to talk more to the old man, but nodded in agreement and stood up. She offered a hand to him and helped him up. She wanted to know more about her and her brother, but she was thankful for the answers she had gotten.

The two found Ali, Chris and Grandma Harris in the living room watching an episode of an old game show. Grandma must've been the one who picked out the channel, Ash figured.

Ali's face lit up when she saw Ash and tapped the empty space next to her to signal that she wanted her to join her on the couch. Ashlyn was more than happy to oblige. She was emotionally drained and could use one of her future wife's amazing hugs. 

She had learned a few things about Ali. 

First, she had learned that the two of them shared a very strong bond. With or without memories, Ali was, is, and always will be 'the one.' 

The second thing she had learned was that Ali's smile made her smile. 

The third thing was that Ali's presence made her feel safe. 

And finally, she had learned that she really wanted to marry Ali.

Ash sat down as close as she could to Ali and slouched down enough to rest her head comfortably on Ali's shoulder. Ali adjusted her own position and put her arm behind Ashlyn, so Ash was now resting on her chest. Ali was able to keep a strong arm around her as they quietly watched tv. 

Ali wanted to know about Ash's conversation with her grandfather, but somehow she knew what Ashlyn needed most was this peaceful moment together.

...

Ali had fallen asleep on the couch and somehow Ash had managed to sneak away. When she woke up she asked Chris where his sister went and he answered, "She's talking to Grandma." 

What Ali didn't know was that she had been talking to her grandmother for almost an hour about something extremely important that was of great interest to her. Unfortunately, Ali was going to have to wait to find out what it was.

...

Back at the hotel Ali was organizing all of Ashlyn's birthday gifts from her family. "Baby, you brought in a pretty good haul." Ali said.

Ash was resting on their bed and mindlessly flipping through the channels of the television. "Yeah. Not too shabby." Ash answered. She looked at her new surfboard that Ali had gotten her and asked, "Do you think we can go surfing in the morning?"

"We can do whatever you want." Ali said and headed over towards Ash to join her in bed.

Ashlyn smirked and wagged her eyebrows a few times before asking, in a mischievous tone, "WHATEVER I want?" 

Ali wasn't going to withhold anything from the birthday girl. She got right to the point and took off her shirt. "Does this answer your question?" 

The two spent the rest of their waking hours that night having a lot of fun with each other's bodies

...

The next morning Ali rented a board and the two of them went surfing. Ali wasn't a natural like Ashlyn. She was athletic and coordinated so she could hold her own, but it wasn't anything compared to her surfer girl fiancé who had grown up on the waves. 

Normally, when the two of them would surf together, Ash would hold back a little. She would tend to want to keep an eye on Ali. On this trip, Ash had no idea what Ali's surf level was. She really didn't even know if SHE could remember how to surf, but once they got into the water it was second nature. 

After a short time of surfing, Ali convinced Ash to keep going without her and swam back to the beach. Ali spent the rest of the time watching her fiancé surf her heart out. She marveled at her favorite person's skill on the waves. She also couldn't deny how sexy her fiancé looked in a bikini.

Once Ash had finished, the two of them shared a picnic together on the beach. After they were done eating, Ashlyn asked Ali to take a walk with her.

Hand-in-hand the two walked down the beach. "Hey, you remembered the way." Ali said. She had told Ash about the rocks where she had proposed and Ashlyn had taken her back to that spot. 

Ali's eyes automatically went to a familiar scene. Next to the rocks laid something that was barely sticking out of the sand. She walked straight to it. She didn't notice that Ashlyn had let go of her hand. 

Ali dug up the item and carefully observed it. A flash of memories hit her and she started to quietly cry. Ashlyn stayed silent and knelt down beside her.

"You don't remember..." Ali began to say. "...but when you proposed you buried a bottle like this one in the sand." Ali explained.

"Really?" Ash asked. She had no idea.

"I'm sorry I'm crying. I just...it's hard. It's hard knowing that we don't have those moments together anymore." Ali said. She wiped her eyes and set the bottle down.

"It's corked." Ash answered. That wasn't what Ali was expecting. "Maybe you should open it."

Ali thought that maybe her breakdown was too much. Maybe it was better for her to drop it, so she pulled the cork out of the bottle and looked inside. There was a rolled up piece of paper. She tipped the bottle over and let it fall out. She turned to Ashlyn to show her.

When she turned around she saw Ash on one knee. 

"What are you doing?" Ali asked. It was pretty obvious, but Ali was too emotional to see it.

"Read the paper." Ash said.

Ali wiped her eyes and began to read. In familiar writing the paper said...

"I could never forget you. The details may be fuzzy, but the truth is clear. You are the love of my life. You are the best and purest thing I've ever known. I promise to never leave you. To always love you. And to never forget you. For the second time I ask, WILL YOU MARRY ME?" 

Ashlyn held out a string to Ali. She held it from both ends and stretched it out it's full length. "I figured since I already gave a ring, I'd give you this." Ash said. She took Ali's hand and tied the string carefully around her finger just behind her engagement ring. 

Ash explained, "Loose ends, knotted together. Just like us." 

Ali held the bottle to her chest and began to cry. Ash was worried at first. She seemed to be crying a lot more than she thought she should be.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry." Ash apologized immediately. Ali tried to assure her that she had done everything perfectly, but her heart was swelling within her. She couldn't control her emotions and the lump in her throat made it difficult to speak.

Ali nodded her head side to side, to say that Ash hadn't done anything wrong. She lunged towards Ash and pressed her face in the crook of her neck. Ashlyn felt Ali's warm tears against her exposed skin, and began to regret putting Ali through this. 

She thought she had made a mistake. She was trying to be romantic and thoughtful. She had spent an hour talking to her grandmother to make sure it was ok. She planned everything with her. 

"Alex, please don't cry." Ash begged in a panicked voice. "Please. I'm sorry if I hurt you." 

"Ash..." Ali got out, but a wave of tears returned and she couldn't say another word.

"Please don't cry." Ash said, feeling like a failure. She wanted to make Ali feel loved, not hurt.

"Ashlyn, just wait." Ali wiped her eyes and put the bottle down. She knew she had to get it out of her hands if she was going to take control of her emotions. "I'm crying happy tears. You don't remember, but I've uncorked a bottle and read a marriage proposal from you before."

"You have?"

"When you first proposed. You had a rolled up piece of paper and my ring inside a bottle." Ali explained. "You may not have remembered, but you're still the same, beautiful, absolutely wonderful person you've always been." Ali smiled and wiped at her eyes again. She said in a shaky voice, "Our love remembers. It's like it's re-telling our story." At this realization, Ali broke down again. 

Now that Ashlyn knew her tears were of the happy sort, she felt much better. She didn't question it. 

She let Ali melt in her arms.

...

It took some time for Ali to return from her emotional journey. After she had calmed down, the women returned to their hotel room to shower and change. 

After a refreshing and sexy shower together, Ali was back to her old self again. Ashlyn suggested that they take a nap before doing anything else. As Ali settled into Ashlyn's side Ash suddenly remembered something.

"Hey!" Ash said with a jolt.

Her movement and volume startled Ali. She sat up and questioned, "What?"

"You never answered me." Ash said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you marry me?" 

"Of course...I mean..." Ali forced herself to get really serious and said, "Yes, Ashlyn Harris, I will marry you."

The two shared a kiss before Ali returned to rest in Ashlyn's arms. As Ali was falling asleep she heard....

"Geeze, I had to ask you three times to finally get an answer I can remember."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter.


	17. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. My other story has been hogging all the space in my brain. ;)

Ali watched as her fiancé picked at a non-existent thread on her sleeve. She could easily see that Ashlyn was thinking deeply about something. As much as she wanted to know what was on her mind, she wanted to give her space.

Ashlyn had a lot she was trying to figure out. She had made some great memories with her family recently, as well as found out some horrible things about her childhood. Ali thought they made a big breakthrough when Ash proposed to her for the second time. Even though Ash didn't remember the original proposal, the similarities between the first and second gave her hope. 

Ali figured Ashlyn's memory wasn't completely lost...it was just sorta hiding for a little while.

Ali tried not to be obvious, but she was basically staring at Ashlyn. She was studying the lines on her face. She was watching her hands anxiously pick and pull at the fabric of her shirt. When Ashlyn looked up at her she quickly looked away, hoping that she hadn't been caught.

"Alex?" Ash said.

Ali thought for certain her fiancé had noticed her staring. She hoped she hadn't creeped her out too much.

"Um...yeah." Ali replied.

Ashlyn's eyes dropped back down to her lap and she started picking at her sleeve again. "I was thinking that I want to go home." Ash said.

Ali lost her breath at the thought that Ash wanted to return to the house of horrors she grew up in. The last couple of days had been nothing short of amazing. She thought she had her old and happy Ashlyn back again. 

"Baby, I..." Ali wanted to say she didn't think it was a good idea, but she stopped herself. She wanted more than anything to help Ashlyn in whatever process was necessary for her to get better. "...Whatever you want."

Ashlyn heard the hesitation in Ali's voice. She stilled her nervous hands and gave Ali her full attention. "You don't feel like it's a good idea?" Ash asked. She valued Ali's opinion, and trusted her more than she trusted herself.

"I think that we can do whatever you want." Ali said, dodging the question.

"I'm just really tired." Ash said. "My Grandpa told me to try and leave behind the sad stuff. I know that I will probably one day have to face it, but I just want to go home now." Ash explained. Her voice trembled as if she was on the verge of tears.

"Ash are you ok?" Ali walked the distance between them and sat next to her fiancé on their bed. She let Ash lean against her. 

"I just want to go home, Alex."

Ali hadn't realized what Ash was saying until that moment. And she asked, "What home do you mean?"

"Our home." Ash said. "I want to go home to our house. I wanna get away from here."

Ali's anxiety settled and her heart rate calmed. Ashlyn was done with reliving her past. At least for now. Ali was nothing but happy to move on.

"Ok. We can leave today, if you want." Ali said. She felt Ashlyn's body relax against her. 

Ali was hopeful that things were starting to get back to normal.

...

"Are you sure you're ready to leave?" Ali asked.

The two of them were at the airport, sitting at their gate. They were waiting to board the plane.

"I think it's a little late to ask that, Babe." Ash answered with a hint of mocking.

"Ash, I'm serious." Ali replied and firmly grasped her fiancé's leg. "I want to make sure you're really ok with leaving." 

"Alex, I know it was super dramatic and a big deal when we left to come here, but I'm over it. Spending this time with you and my family has made me realize that you're the one thing that's constant in my life. You're the one that I need to explore if I want to find myself. It might sound dumb, and maybe it doesn't make any sense, but I've found out more about myself through you than anything else. And now...I just want to go back to OUR life together." Ash replied.

Ali's emotions were swooning after Ashlyn's confession. Her Ashlyn was sounding more and more like her old self. Once again, hope had filled her heart that they might actually have a chance at having their 'happily ever after' they had planned.

...

While waiting at the gate, Ashlyn complained of having a headache. Ali gave her some pain meds and let her use her shoulder as a pillow. 

Ali felt powerless as she watched Ashlyn grimace in pain and cover her eyes from the light. She had thought Ash had moved on from having these intense headaches. Ashlyn did end up falling asleep, but she seemed restless. Ali wanted to wake her up, but thought she might wake up and still have a headache. She felt that if Ash could sleep through the headache then maybe it would go away by the time she woke up. She wanted to give her as much time as possible to get rid of it.

...

Ashlyn saw a flash of light that blinded her from seeing her surroundings. Once the light faded the edges of everything seemed blurred. She looked for Ali and saw her speaking with a woman who was about their age, and looked vaguely familiar. She forced a smile on her face and joined Ali's side. 

Ash reached for Ali's hand, but felt Ali pull away from her. Ashlyn's gaze studied her empty hand. She watched it turn to ash and blow away in a sudden breeze. She caught Ali's eye and saw guilt. She wanted to say something but it was too late. The rest of her body had disintegrated into the air and she was no more. 

She was completely lost in the wind.

...

Ali felt Ashlyn jerk next to her. She watched as she placed her hands in front of her and examined them carefully. 

"Are you ok?" Ali asked. She put an arm around Ashlyn's shoulder's and waited for an answer.

"I...I don't know." Ash answered honestly. 

"Did you have a bad dream?" Ali asked. She pulled Ash tightly into her side.

"I don't know." Ash replied. She turned toward Ali as if she wanted to say more, but she didn't. 

Ali couldn't help but notice her fiancé's face reflected some kind of pain. "Ash, what is it? What's bothering you?" 

"It's nothing." Ash replied. She felt that it must've been a dream. 

It had to be. 

How else do you explain her flesh wasting away and burning up without a flame? She thought she was either dreaming or going crazy. 

Either way, she wasn't going to mention it to Ali.

Ali was suspicious. She knew there had to be more, but once again she didn't want to push her fiancé into something that could hurt her. Ali let it go and didn't bring it up again that day.

...

Almost a whole week had passed after the couple had returned home before Ali decided she needed to push Ashlyn for answers.

Her fiancé was distant and seemed sad. Every time she tried to be affectionate, Ash would return it, but Ali could tell her heart wasn't in it. Ashlyn was hurting, and Ali couldn't stand to let it go on another day.

"Sweetheart." Ali said softly as she approached Ashlyn. 

Ash was looking through an old photo album hoping to recognize more pieces to her life's puzzle. Ali sat down next to her on their living room couch and took Ashlyn by the hand. It was Ali's touch that got Ashlyn's attention.

"Hmm?" Ash hummed a response. She had no idea what Ali had just said.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"Oh...uh, yeah. Sure." 

"Ash, I can tell that something's bothering you. I've given you your space, but I don't think that's helping. Will you please talk to me?" Ali begged.

Ashlyn closed the book of pictures and set it down on the coffee table in front of them. She silently debated her response. 

She couldn't argue with Ali. 

The space between them wasn't doing her any good.

"I'm not sure if it's anything." Ashlyn starts. "I had a weird dream that felt real, but I know it wasn't real." 

"What was it?" Ali asked. She could see how nervous her fiancé was. She looked as if she was afraid to tell her. "Ash, you can tell me anything."

Ashlyn lowered her head and found a spot on the floor to focus on. "I dreamt that you were ashamed of me. And when I tried to hold your hand, you pulled away. Then I turned to ashes and disappeared." Ashlyn said, embarrassed that a dream had hurt her so much and for so long.

"Ashlyn, I'm not ashamed of you." Ali replied honestly.

"I know." Ash answered. "At least...I think I know."

"Baby, I love you with all of my heart. I'm proud to have you by my side." 

"I know." Ash said, but didn't sound convinced.

"Ash..." Ali took Ashlyn's face in both hands and made sure that their eyes connected before saying, "You can trust me. I'm so proud of you."

Ashlyn nodded slightly and leaned into Ali until her head was resting in Ali's chest. All Ali could do was hold her. She was telling the truth, but she could tell that Ashlyn was still feeling hurt. 

She didn't know how to fix this.

...

That night Ali kept an eye on her fiancé. Every hug. Every kiss. Every conversation felt like Ashlyn was just going through the motions.

It was after they had both went to bed that Ashlyn let her guard down. It had been almost an hour after Ali had turned off her bedside light and kissed Ashlyn's cheek to say goodnight, when she noticed that Ashlyn had pulled away from her. 

Ash was balled up in the fetal position, with her knees tucked tight into her torso. Ali rolled toward her and placed one hand on Ashlyn's hip. Ash tried to steady herself at Ali's touch, but it was no use. All of the will power and concentration in the world couldn't bring stillness to Ashlyn's trembling.

"Ash, please don't pull away from me." Ali whispered into the darkness of the room.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I don't know why I can't shake this empty feeling."

"Empty feeling?" Ali repeated. She rolled away from Ashlyn and said, "I think I know what this is about..."


	18. Full

"When we first started dating, I was a very private person." Ali said. She hesitated for a slight moment and then corrected herself. "It wasn't just when we first started dating. It lasted a while." 

Ashlyn turned toward Ali and when she realized it was too dark to really see anything she turned away from her again, but this time only to turn on her bedside lamp. She rolled back over and gestured for Ali to continue.

"It was really hard on you." Ali said with guilt evident in her voice.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"You're not a super private person. You're wonderfully open and brave." Ali explained.

"You're those things, too."

"I wish that were true, Ash..." Ali wanted to cry just thinking about this topic. She knew talking about it would be a hundred times harder. 

"Ashlyn, there were times when fans, or even friends, would ask me about you, or when they would approach us..." Ali cast her eyes away from Ashlyn and said, "I was so stupid. I worried too much about what other people thought, and I ended up really hurting you."

"I don't understand what this has to do with feeling empty." Ash said.

"We had gone to Florida to visit your grandparents." Ali recalled. "It was a big deal. We had gotten back together after I stupidly broke up with you because of the distance. Remember how I told you about that?" Ali stopped her story to make sure Ash was following along.

"Yeah. You left me and broke my heart." Ash said. Her voice wasn't accusing. She was only repeating Ali's words back to her from when she first explained the situation to her.

"Yeah." Ali said sadly. She gave Ash her full attention and continued. "We had flown from Germany all the way to Florida. For us it was our first real trip after we got back together...Well, when we were on the beach someone recognized you. She approached us and I freaked out. I pushed your hand away and introduced myself as your friend from soccer. You later revealed to me that you had my engagement ring in your pocket and were planning to propose that night. My stupid insecurities got in the way of a perfect evening you had spent months planning. Instead of getting engaged we fought."

"That sucks." Ash commented. There was no sugar coating it, Ali messed up big time. "But I still don't understand what that has to do with feeling empty."

"You took my stupidity hard." Ali explained. She felt a weight of guilt press down on her chest. "You told me that hiding wasn't good enough. You said that me trying to keep you a secret was destroying who you were. After a few awkward days with your family you confessed that you were losing yourself because of my insecurities...You said you felt empty."/p>

"Oh." Ash replied. She never could've guessed that Ali would be the reason for her to feel empty.

"You hate me!" Ali said dramatically. She rolled until she was at the edge of the bed and hung her head over the side until it was almost touching the floor.

"I don't hate you." Ash said, trying to make her feel better. 

Ashlyn smiled to herself and moved to lay across the width of the bed so that she could join Ali over the edge. It gave her a headache, but Ash hung her head over the side and settled in right next to Ali and said, "I don't hate you. I happen to love you. And I want to marry you." 

"Ash, I'm so ashamed. Why couldn't you have just forgotten about that?" Ali asked in a sad joking way.

"Sorry, Babe." Ash smiled. "But it's totally your fault. You're doing such a good job of taking care of me, that it was only a matter of time until I remembered."

"Ashlyn, I never want to be the reason for you to feel empty or sad. You are filled with so much life and love. You should never be hidden." Ali said.

Ashlyn was touched by her fiancé's words, but her actions didn't show it. She left Ali hanging off the bed all by herself.

"Aaaaash!" Ali whined. "Don't leave me. Come back."

"You come up here."

"Why?"

"Because you're not a bat. Humans aren't supposed to hang upside down. The blood rushing to my head was giving me a headache." Ash explained.

The feeling of guilt returned to Ali. "Baby, I'm so sorry! It's all my fault."

"Relax, woman!" Ash instructed. "Come to me, my bride." Ash declared and opened her arms wide to receive her betrothed.

"Is it correct to call me your bride if we aren't married yet?" Ali questioned.

"Shush it and get over here." Ashlyn said and pulled Ali towards her by grabbing her sides. Ashlyn slid both hands up slightly and poked Ali at just the right spot to get the intended response.

Ali burst out in laughter.

"Stop! I'm gonna pee my pants!" 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Ashlyn faked innocence.

"You know that's where I'm ticklish!" Ali accused.

"Do I? Are you sure about that?" 

Even with Ashlyn's fingers in Ali's most ticklish spots she suddenly became serious. Ash was caught off guard by it and thought maybe she had hurt her.

"I'm sorry. Did I poke too hard?" Ash apologized in concern.

"Baby, you remember where I'm ticklish." Ali said soberly. "Did you remember or did you just guess?" Ali asked hopefully.

"I, um...I don't know. I just did what felt right, I guess.

"What else do you remember?" Ali asked with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

Ashlyn got serious and propped herself up on one arm and looked down into Ali's eyes. 

"I remember that your brown eyes almost turn gold when the sun hits them at just the right angle." Ash said and leaned down to kiss Ali's lips. "I remember the way your forehead wrinkles when you're worried about me." 

Ash gave Ali another kiss before continuing. "I remember your laugh. Sometimes I hear it ringing through the house, even when you're not here. My heart leaps in my chest every time I see your unforgettable smile." 

"Yeah..." Ash said. "I remember you. I remember you more than I remember myself. And even if I didn't remember any of that, you're here with me to remind me."

"Baby..." Ali lost it. She couldn't say another word. She pulled Ashlyn down and met her lips with her own. 

Once they had both caught their breath, Ali asked, "How can you be empty, when you fill me up with so much love and happiness? You're not empty." 

Ashlyn was sincerely touched by Ali's heartfelt words. She kissed her one last time before asking with a smirk...

"Are you saying I'm 'full of it.'"


	19. Worst & Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of abuse and a quick description of death of an animal.

"What's the worst thing I've ever done?" Ash asked her fiancé. 

Ali mindlessly played with Ashlyn's hair as the two of them recovered from a morning of spontaneous wake-up sex. Ashlyn's head was resting squarely on Ali's chest. She drew patterns on Ali's stomach and waited for an answer.

"The worst thing you've ever done?" Ali said out loud as she tried to come up with an answer for her favorite amnesia patient. "Baby, I can't think of a single thing."

Ashlyn sat up and gave her fiancé a disgruntled look. "Come on, Al. Don't pretend like I'm perfect just to make me feel good. Everybody has something they're not proud of." Ash replied. "What's the worst thing I've ever done?"

"Ash, I don't know. I can't think of anything that bad. You're a good person and you try to treat others with respect and kindness." Ali answered. She took Ashlyn's face in both of her hands and gave her a quick kiss on the lips to punctuate her statement.

"Alex, cut the crap. I love you and I appreciate you trying to spare my feelings, or whatever it is you're trying to do, but someone with my history has to have some kind of skeletons hiding somewhere." 

"Ashlyn, you're a wonderful person. I don't know what to tell you."

"Ahh!" Ash groaned, completely frustrated. She rolled away from Ali and hopped off their bed.

"Where are you going?" Ali whined as she watched Ashlyn's naked backside walk away from her.

"I'm over your lies!" Ash joked and threw Ali's discarded pajama bottoms at her. "You have the amount of time it takes for me to take a shower to come up with an answer." She ordered.

...

"Come sit with me." Ali said. She led Ashlyn by the hand to their living room and sat down, pulling Ash into her lap.

She gently wiped away a few stray hairs from Ashlyn's forehead and said, "I thought of some proof that you're a horrible person." Ali smirked.

Ali was trying to appear causal and lighthearted, but she was actually quite nervous. She didn't want to share anything with her fiancé that would hurt her. But Ashlyn was right when she said that someone with her difficult past must have some regrets. It was true that Ashlyn was a wonderful person, but it took a lot of soul searching, hard work, and growing up to make her who she was now. 

"You killed a bird." Ali said quickly and with little emotion. 

She watched her fiancé's eyes go wide in shock and heard her say in what sounded like a whimper more than anything else, "I killed a bird?"

"You didn't mean to." Ali said, trying to lessen the blow.

"Why would I hurt a bird?" Ash asked with a voice filled with guilt.

"You had a rough day." Ali answered, trying to be as unspecific as possible.

"Alex, tell me!" 

Ali sighed and told the story Ashlyn had told her years ago. "When you told me the story, you said that you were sitting on the ground in your backyard. Your father had just gotten done disciplining you. He locked you in the cellar underneath your house for a few hours and then..." Ali's words stumbled as she tried to continue. There was no more trying to act casual and lighthearted now. "...he hurt you pretty bad with his belt."

Ali glanced at Ashlyn and saw her jaw tighten, but she remained stoic. 

Ali continued, "You told me that you could still feel the heat of pain from a large welt over your cheek and eye when you saw a bird approach you. You were angry and you were so young. You didn't know how to handle your suffering." 

Ash didn't say a word. She waited for Ali to finish.

"You took a brick and threw it at the bird. You said you were just trying to scare it and relieve some pent up aggression, but you ended up hitting it. The brick crushed it's head." 

Ash's stoicism faded and Ali watched tears well up in her eyes. She hung her head in guilty shame and let the tears drop onto her shirt.

"Ash, you were a kid." Ali said, as she tightened her embrace. "Your suffering was too much for you to manage alone." 

"What happened to the bird?" Ash asked. "What did I do? Did i try to help it?"

"Yes. You told me that all of your anger disappeared the moment you saw what you had accidentally done." Ali answered, emphasizing the word 'accidentally.' "You cried over the death of the innocent victim....those were your exact words." 

Ali used her finger to lift Ashlyn's chin up enough for her to catch her eyes and said, "You told me that you realized that you were like that bird. Innocent and dying." Ali couldn't hold in her own tears any longer. She let Ashlyn wipe her eyes dry and continued, "That horrible mistake led you to understand more about yourself and how you wanted to stop the abusive cycle in your house. You were only twelve years old, but on that day you vowed that you would never use your anger or hurt as an excuse to hurt others."

"Did I keep that promise?" Ash asked in a sad but hopeful voice.

"Yes, Baby. You kept that promise." 

If possible, Ashlyn sank even deeper into Ali's embrace and let her regret settle deep in her soul.

She made another vow to herself. 

She vowed to remember the price of actions caused by careless violence. She never wanted to have to live with that high cost of regret again. And she never wanted to make someone else have to pay it either.

...

"What's the best think I've ever done?" Ash asked. 

Ali had taken her for a walk to feed the birds in a nearby park. She wanted to give her some happier bird memories.

"That ones easy." Ali smiled. 

"You mean you don't need an hour to think about it?" Ash joked. She poked her fiancé's side to get a laugh from her.

Ali playfully slapped her hand away and smiled. She kissed Ashlyn and then got really serious. She slipped her arms around Ashlyn's waist and waited for Ash to do what came naturally, which was to pull her into a warm hug. Ali rested the side of her head on Ashlyn's shoulder and let her lips graze her neck. 

Ali placed a light and loving kiss on her fiancé's skin before saying, "The best thing you've ever done was to forgive me." Ali's words were honest and heartfelt. 

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"I hurt you and I didn't deserve another chance, but you chose to forgive me. You believed in us at our most difficult time. That's the best think you've ever done...at least to me, anyways." Ali explained.

"I like that." Ash said. She smashed their lips together and slightly lifted Ali up to get a better angle. 

In the following days, Ashlyn thought a lot about her and Ali's 'worst and best' conversation. She thought so much about it, Ali noticed her losing sleep at night.

Ali couldn't help but worry. "Baby, what's bothering you?" Ali asked.

"Huh?" Ash responded. Ali could plainly see she was still distracted by her thoughts.

"Ash, talk to me. What are you thinking about?" 

"I'm thinking about what you said." Ash confessed.

"Baby, I'm sorry if I hurt you or confused you." Ali apologized. She was worried something like this would happen.

"No, it's not that." Ash answered. She smiled sadly at Ali and continued. "I've just been thinking about how you said I wasn't able to manage my suffering. And about how I acted out of anger."

"Ash, don't be too hard on yourself. You were just a kid." Ali replied. She wanted to bring her fiancé as much comfort as she could.

"I've just been thinking about my dad. Maybe he doesn't know how to manage his suffering. Maybe I need to forgive him like I forgave you." Ash shared.

"Ashlyn..." Ali whispered out. She was afraid. She was absolutely terrified. What was Ashlyn planning? "Baby, he's dangerous. It's not the same thing."

"Maybe he just needs someone to give him a chance. Maybe he just needs someone to believe that there's still good in him." Ash said.

"There isn't any good in him. Ash, you saw how he treated you when we visited. There is an endless list of things that he has done. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven." Ali replied. 

She needed Ashlyn to see that her father was pure evil.

"Alex, no one deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is given...not earned." 

Ali knew that technically Ashlyn was absolutely right, but she couldn't stand the thought of her fiancé letting her future father-in-law off the hook. 

"Ash, I think it's wonderful that you want to forgive him and believe good things about him, but I think you need to wait until you have a better understanding about how he treated you and your brother. Is it even possible to forgive someone for things you don't remember?" Ali said.

"I don't know." Ash answered. She realized she didn't know much. She thought she had figured things out. She thought she had come to a huge realization about what's important in life. 

Learning from your mistakes and forgiving others for theirs. 

Now, after talking to Ali, she felt like a fool.

Ali heard the defeat in Ashlyn's voice and couldn't help but feel guilty. Was it her anger towards Ashlyn's father that made her want to discourage Ashlyn from forgiving him? Was that a good enough reason?

"Ash, I think if your heart is telling you to forgive him then you should. But please be careful. If you can forgive him and let go of the hurt he caused that's really good, right?" Ali didn't sound very convincing.

"But?..." Ash knew there was more that her fiancé wanted to say.

"I think you should let go of the hurt if you can, BUT..." Ali swallowed hard before finishing, "Don't let him hurt you anymore. Don't trust him to change. He will hurt you again. He will absolutely disappoint you." Ali said. 

She didn't want to tell Ashlyn what to do, especially concerning her complicated family, but she couldn't bare to watch the woman she loved set herself up for more pain caused by a man who has made it clear that he didn't care about his daughter.

"Hmm..." Ashlyn sadly hummed in understanding and then said, "Maybe you're right."

This might have been the first time Ali felt horrible about being right. She felt a twinge of guilt for discouraging Ashlyn, but her fiancé's innocence and ignorance of what her father was really like was hindering her judgement. 

Ali couldn't shake the thought that she had done the wrong thing. 

She wondered if she was actually hurting Ashlyn by trying to protect her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Should Ali encourage Ashlyn to forgive?


	20. Spilled Milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains strong language and a flashback of abusive behavior.

"Baby, I don't have to go. I can cancel." Ali said as she hesitated to pack the last items into her carry-on bag.

"Alex, I'll be fine. You have to work. You can't babysit me forever." Ashlyn answered. She threw a pair of Ali's panties at her in an attempt to 'help' her pack.

"Baby, are you sick? You sound sick. Your voice sounds tired." Ali said and left her suitcase to get a thermometer.

Ashlyn stopped her on her way to the medicine cabinet. "Alex, stop!" Ash said and grabbed her by the shoulders. "You're not getting out of this trip. I promise you, I will be fine."

Ali sighed and stopped resisting. She stepped into Ashlyn and shared a tender kiss. Ali embraced her fiancé and tried to take in her scent. She didn't want to forget anything.

"Ash, I don't want to go. The last time I left you got hurt." Ali confessed. She felt ashamed that she left in the first place and had held on to the guilt of Ashlyn's suffering.

"Ali, it's not your fault that I got into an accident. I probably would've anyway, whether you were home or not. I'll be fine...I promise."

...

Ashlyn scanned the aisle looking for exactly what she needed. She cleared her throat and used her sleeve to wipe her runny nose. She was reading the box of some cold medication when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

She put the box back in its place and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, dude." It was Tobin.

"What's up?" Ash asked. It wasn't a normal thing for Tobin to call out of nowhere. Usually she would text and then call, if necessary.

"Are you sick?" Tobin asked.

Ash smiled slightly and answered, "Did Alex tell you to call me?"

"Maybe." Tobin replied. "But for real, are you sick? You sound sick."

"I'm fine, thanks. But I'm kinda in the middle of something. Can I call you back?"

"For sure. Talk to ya later."

Both women hung up and Ash shook her head at her fiancé's endless attempts to take care of her. She wasn't complaining, but she wished Ali would relax for her own good. In her opinion, Ali needed to stop worrying so much and just enjoy life. She was tired of feeling like a burden.

Once she had purchased her medicine, along with a bottle of chocolate milk, she returned to her and Ali's house.

The house felt empty and way too quiet. Ali had only been gone for a few hours and she was already starting to miss her. Of course she wasn't going to tell Ali that. She didn't want to give her another reason to worry about her.

Ash pulled a glass from the cupboard and set it down on the counter. She struggled to open the child-proof packaging of her medicine and searched for a bright colored crazy straw her fiancé had bought just for her. Ash told her that everything tastes better through a crazy straw. She figured it might even make her cold medication taste good too.

Ash tapped the bottle lightly against her hand until two pills fell into her palm. She tossed the medicine in her mouth and took a long sip from the straw. At that moment her throat convulsed and an awkward cough escaped her lips. The pills slipped halfway down her throat and caused her to cough more due to her near choking on them.

The unexpected ruckus caused her to drop her glass, straw and all, onto the floor. It shattered as soon as it hit the tile flooring and spilled chocolate milk all over the place.

At the sound of the breaking glass, Ashlyn froze. Her head began to hurt. She closed her eyes tightly and saw a bright light followed by a flashback. The memory was fuzzy, but the emotion attached to it was clear.

Ashlyn was terrified.

...

Ali sat across from a Nike executive and discussed the following day's photo shoot agenda. She watched their waiter place a glass of water in front of each of them. The waiter pulled out two straws from his apron and set them down on the table.

Ali smiled as she stared at the straws. She thought of her almost thirty year old fiancé and her child-like love for crazy straws. Her smile quickly fell as she thought about Ashlyn at home all alone.

She felt in her gut that something was wrong.

...

_"What the hell is the matter with you?! You're such a fuck up. You can't even manage to hold on to a glass of milk. I should've known you were too stupid to even do that right!" Ashlyn's father screamed._

_Ashlyn was five years old and her father had sent her to the kitchen to get her own drink. She hadn't eaten all day and her mother wasn't home. When she asked her father for something to eat, he told her to leave him alone and get it herself._

_He had yelled at her and broken her spirit. By the time she got to the kitchen she was shaking and in tears. She wasn't allowed to cook anything. She did the best thing she knew to do, which was to help herself to a glass of milk._

_Her nervous little fingers and hands weren't steady enough to hold the cold beverage. She had filled it too high, and even though she was trying to be careful she dropped it._

_Her brother rushed to her side with a towel to help clean it up. He was trying to lessen the blow of their father's anger. He was trying to protect his sister._

_Ashlyn felt her father's boot hit her in the shoulder. It bounced up and grazed her face. Her father had searched for something nearby to throw at her but couldn't find anything convenient. So he took off his boot and launched it at her. Chris watched his sister try hard to cover her face. She was ashamed of her tears. His own anger boiled over. He picked up the boot and threw it back at his father._

Ashlyn jolted out of her memory as her father lunged toward her and her brother.

She was completely breathless. She felt her heartbeat quicken in her chest and reminded herself that her brother was ok. She had just seen him when her and Ali visited Florida. And he was ok.

She grabbed a handful of paper towels and knelt down next to the broken glass and spilled chocolate milk. She covered the milk with the towels in her hand and cried.

...

"Do you mind if I use the restroom?" Ali asked.

The man sitting across from her nodded and she made sure to slip her phone into her pocket as she excused herself.

Ali sent a quick text and went to the bathroom to wash her hands. She almost immediately received a response.

It was from Tobin.

"I checked on her. You're right she does sound sick. She told me to call her back later."

"I knew it." Ali said to herself.

She tapped her fingers on the counter and debated whether to call Ashlyn. She knew Ash was probably getting tired of her being overprotective, but she couldn't help it. Right now Ashlyn needed to be protected.

Ali thought back about the day that she was finally reunited with her fiancé after she had gone missing. She remembered how small and lost Ashlyn looked in her hospital bed.

She had to call Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn carefully put the broken glass into the trash and washed her hands of the remains of chocolate milk. She decided she was done for the day. She was feeling sick. She didn't want to admit it, but her body was feeling weak, and now her mind and spirit were feeling weak too.

She stretched out onto her and Ali's bed and wished that she wasn't alone. She buried herself underneath their oversized comforter and heard her father's voice screaming at her. His words replayed over and over again in her mind. She felt worthless and alone.

...

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up." Ali said to herself as she waited for her fiancé to answer her call.

She had called three times in a row and each time she waited through four rings until it went to voicemail.

On the fourth call she decided to leave a message.

"Hey baby. So I'm over here thinking about you and missing you. I just wanted to hear your voice. I know what you're thinking." Ali said with a smile. "You're thinking that I worry too much. Well...that's probably true but you're the most important and the most wonderful person to me. OH!..."

Ali interrupted her own thought to scold her fiancé. "By the way, Tobin said you're sick. I hate being away from you when you're sick. When I get home, whether you like it or not, I'm gonna take care of you. Get ready for chicken soup and gatorade...."

Ali sighed and got serious. "Baby, I love you. Even though I'm not there, you're not alone. Every part of me, besides my body, is with you right now. I love you. Please call me when you can." Ali was about to hang up when she decided to add one more thing, "Sorry for this crazy message. I guess this is the sort of thing you need to expect from someone who is absolutely madly and crazy in love with you. See you soon, baby."

Ali hung up....

And then called her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on the next chapter of Miss You More. It is taking forever, but it has A LOT in it. I think it will be worth the wait. Thanks for your patience.


	21. I Got You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait...

"Alex..."

Ali heard a quiet whisper in the dream world she was navigating through.

"Alexxxxx...."

The whisper got louder and the voice sounded familiar.

"Ali!"

Ali felt her body shake and then woke up to an attractive blonde standing over her.

"Hi." Ashlyn said once she finally saw her fiancé's eyes open.

"Hi." Ali replied roughly. She cleared her throat and tried again, "Hi, baby."

"I made you breakfast." Ash announced.

She left the room quickly to get the tray of food. She returned with heart-shaped pancakes, bacon, toast, freshly squeezed orange juice, coffee, and a vase with a single red rose.

Ash carefully carried it to Ali and placed it on her lap. She pulled a red envelope from her back pocket and propped it up against the vase.

"Happy Valentine's Day." Ash said sweetly. "I couldn't remember what kind of valentine I am, so I'm going for all the cliches today."

Ali was touched by her fiancé's effort and pulled her in for a quick kiss. "Baby, you're too sweet. Thank you."

Ali tried to balance the tray on her lap with one hand as she stretched toward her nightstand with the other. Ash stopped her before she could open the drawer she was reaching for.

"Wait. Open up your card first." Ash instructed.

"Baby, I wanna give you your gift." Ali protested.

"Just wait. Open up your card."

"Fine. But only because you're so cute." Ali replied.

She carefully opened the red envelope and laughed at the front of the card.

"I didn't know if you like funny cards or sappy ones. I thought the moose trumped everything." Ash said with a smile. The moose she was referring to was wearing lipstick and lingerie.

"It's awesome. I love it." Ali said. She opened the card and read the poem Ashlyn had written for her.

"Roses are red.  
Violets are blue.  
Poems are dumb.  
But I love you."

Ali laughed so hard she snorted. "That was amazing." Ali said between laughs.

"Thank you. I made it up myself." Ash bragged.

"Wow. Impressive." Ali replied in fake awe.

"Yeah, I know." Ash said.

She gave Ali a kiss on the cheek and then sat next to her. Ali watched her fiancé eat a piece of her bacon. She wanted to cry. It wasn't about the bacon, or even the sweet gesture of making breakfast and writing a terrible poem. It was about Ashlyn feeling comfortable and familiar enough to spoil her and then steal her food. It was totally something her fiancé would've done before she got amnesia.

Whether Ashlyn knew it or not, she was remembering.

...

"I love my new watch!" Ash said for the twentieth time since Ali had given it to her.

"I'm glad you do, baby." Ali replied. She sauntered over to her fiancé and asked, "Zip me up?" Ali turned around and moved her hair out of the way to give access the zipper of her dress.

Ash zipped her up and kept her hand on the zipper. She exhaled loudly and said, "I wish we had more time." She stepped into her fiancé from behind and placed a soft kiss on her neck, before stepping away.

Ash watched her fiancé's skin erupt in goose bumps from the contact. Her valentine was on edge and she knew it. She leaned in again and whispered into her ear, "We gotta go."

Ashlyn's hot breath did not help matters any for Ali. She wished they had more time. She would've tore off her dress and pushed Ashlyn against the wall.

Ashlyn knew what she was doing and she made no apologies for it. She held out her hand and waited for Ali to take it. She was ready to have some fun with her sexually frustrated valentine.

...

"Ash, you hate dancing." Ali said as Ashlyn pulled her in close. Her hands were placed on the small of Ali's back, and there was no space left between their bodies.

"Really?" Ash asked. "I've got some moves in me. I can feel it."

"You can feel it?" Ali said with a laugh. She wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck and said, "Show me what you've got, dance machine."

"Well, this is a slow dance, so...I have to pull it back a little. I don't wanna bust a move all over this place and make everyone feel bad." Ash answered with a smirk.

"Ohhhh, I love you so much." Ali said in a singsong voice. She was over the moon in love with her goofy valentine.

"Ya do, huh? Well, it just so happens I have a crush on you." Ash said playfully.

"Really?"

"Oh, yes. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I think I might be WAY out of my league here." Ash said. She meant every word. "Hey, I wanted to give you something." Ash added and stopped dancing.

Ashlyn jogged over to their table, leaving Ali on the dance floor. She pulled a velvet box out of the pocket of her jacket that was draped over her chair, and rushed back to her fiancé.

"Here." Ash said and handed the box to Ali.

"Ash, you've already done so much."

"I wrote you a poem." Ash said with a chuckle. "You deserve more than a terrible poem. Open it."

Ali did as she was told. She found a diamond necklace inside the box. "Ashlyn..." She said breathlessly.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful." Ali answered. She handed it to Ashlyn, pulled all her hair over one of her shoulders, and turned around so Ash could fasten it around her neck for her.

"It's, um, the same cut as your engagement ring." Ash explained. "I took a picture of it one day while you were asleep and had the jeweler make sure it was a good match."

"Wow, sneaky." Ali said. She was thoroughly impressed.

"I wanted to be thoughtful." Ash said.

"You are very thoughtful. Thank you." Ali said.

Ashlyn got serious and said, "I hate that I don't remember things. I wanted to do something nice for you that would make you feel loved, and like everything was normal again. But I didn't know how do that." Ashlyn's eyes began to water. "I don't know what 'normal' is."

"Ash, THIS is normal. You and me having a great time and being totally in love is normal." Ali explained.

"I hate that I can't remember, Alex. Why won't it just come back?" Ash said in frustration. "You deserve someone who remembers."

"Whether you remember or not, you're way more than I could ever deserve. Look at everything you've done for me today. You have thought about nothing but making sure that I feel loved today. And that's exactly how I feel." Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn and kissed her hard. "Baby, you're my dream come true."

"Sure. You're dream is to be engaged to a forgetful idiot." Ash said sarcastically.

"Ashlyn, stop. Don't say that! This morning when you woke me up, I was in the middle of a dream about you and me. And it had nothing to do with you remembering everything." Ali said.

She took Ashlyn's face in both of her hands and said, "It was about us being together. That's my dream. Me and you...forever. That's it. I don't need you to remember everything. I just need YOU."

Ashlyn lowered her head and rested her forehead on Ali's. She closed her eyes and said, "You have me. You have ALL of me."

"That's all I ever want." Ali said through happy tears.

"I love you, Alex. I'm sorry I'm messed up. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this." Ashlyn's eyes were filled with tears now also, but her tears weren't because of happiness.

"Ash, it's ok. You're being too hard on yourself."

"What's my favorite color?" Ash asked randomly.

Ali was caught off guard and replied, "What?"

"What's my favorite food? Or restaurant? Do I have a lucky shirt? Who was my childhood best friend? Did I even have any friends?" The more questions she asked, the more upset she got.

Ali wrapped her up in a hug and felt Ashlyn tremble in her embrace. "Baby, calm down. I can answer all of your questions."

Ash pulled away, wiped her eyes and said, "That's not the point!"

"Ashlyn..." Ali began to say. She tried to reason with her fiancé but was cut short.

"Can we please go home?" Ash asked sounding completely defeated. "I'm sorry I ruined everything."

Ali didn't know what she could possibly say to make things better. Everything that day had felt perfect to her. Ashlyn just couldn't see it. She nodded and walked toward their table to collect their things and go home.

Ashlyn wanted to kick herself. She thought to herself that she should've held in her feelings. She should've let Ali believe that everything was fine. Instead she ruined a perfectly good Valentine's Day for her fiancé.

...

Ali was at a loss for words. Neither one of them had said much since leaving the restaurant. She thought everything was going well. She had no idea that Ashlyn was suffering underneath the cheesy poetry and romantic gestures.

Ali took her time getting undressed. She searched her brain for an answer...a reason to give to Ashlyn to convince her that everything was ok.

She wanted to show her that even in the midst of struggle and brokenness, things can still be wonderful and beautiful. Ashlyn was still wonderful and beautiful to her.

Ali didn't know it but she had an audience.

On the way to their small house, Ashlyn had changed her mind about being upset. She regretted that she had said anything. Above anything else, including her own feelings, she wanted Ali to be happy. Ali didn't look happy anymore. Ashlyn had been watching her closely ever since they had gotten home.

Just like Ali, she was searching for the right words to say.

"Alex, I'm sorry." Ashlyn said. Her voice got her fiancé's attention. Ali turned toward her. Her face was red from just being washed. Her eyes were sad.

"Ash, you don't have anything to be sorry for." Ali answered.

She made her way over to her fiancé and hugged her. She didn't know what else to say, all she knew was that she needed to hold Ashlyn. And she needed Ashlyn to hold her.

Ashlyn placed a gentle kiss on Ali's head and said, "I hate seeing you unhappy."

"Ash, I'm only unhappy because you're unhappy. I hate that you're hurting."

Ash felt like her thoughts were all jumbled together. She gently shook her head to try and clear it. Ali watched her fiancé's eyes drift off. Her focus was somewhere else.

Somewhere far away.

...

_"I just want you to be happy." Ashlyn's words seemed to echo in her mind. Through a fuzzy haze she heard a reply._

_"I just want you to go."_

_Ali made it clear when Ash first got to the hospital that she wanted to be alone. At first Ashlyn had refused to leave._

_"Alex, why are you pushing me away?" Ashlyn asked. Her heart was broken._

_"Why are you here? I didn't ask you to come." Ali responded angrily._

_"Because I know you're hurting. I wanted to help." Ash explained. She had watched her best friend tear her ACL and MCL on national tv. She had watched Ali's hopes of going to the Olympics disappear._

_"You don't belong here. You don't understand. How could you help me? Your not the one who was a guaranteed pick for a roster spot to the Olympics. You don't know how it feels." Ali replied._

_Ali's words felt like a knife through Ashlyn's heart. She was well aware of her place in the US soccer world. Goalkeeper #4 didn't get to go to the important tournaments._

_Ashlyn was at home in Florida when she saw her best friend get injured in a reckless foul. She didn't think. She just packed a bag and flew to Canada to see her. She never expected Ali to treat her like an unwelcome nuisance._

_"I'm sorry," Ashlyn answered sadly. "I didn't realize I wasn't qualified to be your friend. I guess I have to be better at soccer before I'm useful to you."_

_Ashlyn was hurt and ticked off. She had just dropped everything to be there for her friend._

_Ali knew she had messed up, but her injury was at the forefront of her mind. She was a discouraged mess and she would've loved for Ashlyn to ignore her plea to leave and to hold her instead._

_Unfortunately, that wasn't how Ashlyn worked. Ali was the only one she was careful and reserved with. Ashlyn had fallen in love with her and didn't want to overstep her role in their 'friendship.'_

_Ashlyn didn't notice the regret written all over Ali's face. She turned her back to Ali and began to walk away. She stopped when she heard Ali say in a small and scared voice, "Ash..."_

_Ashlyn turned around to face Ali. She didn't say a word. She waited for Ali to continue, but Ali didn't know what to say. She settled for the truth._

_"I'm scared."_

_Ashlyn returned to Ali's bedside and gave her friend a hug. She whispered, "I know. So am I."_

_Ashlyn couldn't explain a rational reason for her fear, except that she was worried about her friend. She kissed Ali's cheek and said, "I promise I will help you however I can. I promise you I will be here for you."_

_"Ash, I'm sorry about what I said. I feel horrible." Ali apologized. Ashlyn watched something change in her friend's eyes. It was as if someone flipped a switch and now Ali was seeing things differently._

_Ali looked at her with longing._

_Ash pulled herself away a little to give some distance between them, but Ali reflexively pulled her back in. She grabbed Ash's head with both of her hands and pulled her in for a kiss._

_Ash pulled away immediately. "Ali, no...we can't."_

_Ali knew what she wanted. She wanted Ashlyn._

_"Ash, I'm sorry if this isn't what you want. I just...I think I love you."_

_"Alex, you're drugged up and have just experienced something traumatic. This isn't what you want."_

_"How do you know what I want?" Ali asked in an accusing tone. "I know what I want, and what I want is you."_

_"You just told me I don't belong here and that you want me to leave." Ashlyn replied. "That doesn't sound like someone who wants me because they love me."_

_Ashlyn took a step backwards toward the door. She was terrified that if she gave in to Ali's request that she would end up losing her forever. She figured Ali would change her mind once she was thinking clearly and then everything would be ruined between them._

_"Ash, I'm sorry about that. Please don't go!" Ali begged._

_Ash didn't know what to do. Her legs refused to move any further from the love of her life. Her body was rebelling against her mind. Or was it her heart?_

_"Ashlyn, give me another chance."_

_"Ali, I just want you to be happy. I hate seeing you unhappy." Ash said softly and returned to Ali's side._

_"Ashlyn, you make me happy." Ali said honestly. She cautiously raised her hand toward Ashlyn's cheek and caressed it._

_"Alex..."_

_Ashlyn felt her heart beating hard against her chest. She was about to take the biggest risk of her life. She leaned in and kissed Ali._

_..._

"Ash, are you ok?" Ali asked and squeezed her fiancé tighter to try and pull her out of her daze.

"I don't know. I think I just remembered something." Ash answered.

"What was it?"

"You got hurt and I visited you...you kissed me...and then I kissed you." Ash explained.

Ash watched as a smile slowly found its way to Ali's face. "You remembered our first kiss." Ali said. "It was pretty great."

"It was terrifying." Ash replied. She still felt like she was in the moment. Her heart was racing and she felt excitement mixed with a giant fear that she was going to lose everything.

"It was wonderful." Ali replied with a grin. "That was the day I found out that you loved me back."

"How did you know?" Ash asked.

"Baby, a 'friend' doesn't fly to Canada to check on you when they could just wait a couple days and see you closer to home." Ali smiled and continued. "I was horrible to you, and you didn't yell at me, or leave. I mean after all you went through to be there...only love does that."

"You had me figured out, huh?" Ash asked shyly.

"I was hopeful."

"Man, I hate that I wasn't the one to make the first move." Ash laughed.

"You made the first move. You flew to Canada. I just closed the last few inches between us and sealed the deal with a kiss. You win, baby." Ali declared.

Ash laughed and then got serious. "I did win." She reached for Ali's face and added, "I got you."


	22. Anchor (Part One)

"You look a lot less freaked out than the last time I saw you." Tobin said with a smile.

She had kept in contact with her friend since the last camp. They spoke regularly and she was thankful to know that her dear friend wouldn't see her as a stranger anymore.

"Thanks...I think." Ash replied while scratching her head. The two of them were standing in the lobby of a fancy hotel. The team had just arrived in Portugal.

"Sooooo..." Ash said, changing the subject. "What's up with you and your woman?"

"She's not my woman. She's someone else's woman, in fact." Tobin answered.

Ashlyn noticed a deep sadness in her friend's eyes that she had never seen before. At least she couldn't remember ever seeing before.

Tobin mumbled under her breath, "Not everyone gets the fairy tale story like you and YOUR woman."

Ashlyn couldn't help but let her eyes wander to find her fiancé in the crowd. Ali was at her normal place, taking care of the details to help Ashlyn. She was checking them in and getting room assignments for both her and Ash. Ash felt an unintentional smile curl on her lips.

Once she realized she was smiling like a dope she tried to look serious, and gave her attention back to Tobin. "Ya know, our story hasn't been perfect. And even if it has been perfect, I can't remember it." Ash said.

"Dang...sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Tobin apologized. She added sadly, "I always say the wrong thing."

Ashlyn empathized with Tobin. She often put her foot in her mouth too, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

"Dude, don't worry about it. What I have with Ali is pretty epic." Ash replied, putting her friend at ease. "So what's the deal with you and your woman? You giving up, or are you gonna fight for her?" Ash asked.

"I don't have anything to fight for. She's not interested. She doesn't want me." Tobin answered. She meant every word.

"Man, I must be remembering you wrong."

"What do you mean?" Tobin asked.

"I don't know, I just got the feeling that you were the kind of person that liked adventures and taking risks. I mean, I don't have a lot of memories, but what little I've talked to you and remember, I kinda had a picture of you. Now, I'm thinking maybe I was wrong." Ash replied, not meaning to think out loud.

Ashlyn immediately saw Tobin's countenance fill up with despair. Now she felt like the one who needed to apologize. "Tob, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that!" Ash said, rushing her words as quickly as possible to try and make things right.

"It's ok. We're even now." Tobin answered. She let out a loud sigh and said, "I'm gonna get going. See ya around, dude."

Ash watched her old friend walk away and wished Ali was there to smooth things over for her. She never meant to cause Tobin any sort of regret or pain.

Thankfully Ali returned soon after Tobin left. Surprisingly she had a bit of good news to share.

"Guess what. We're in the same room again!" Ali announced. Her smile was about as wide as her face.

"I thought they don't usually do that." Ash said filled with surprise.

"They don't, but I guess they thought you might still need a little extra help. I'm so glad! I'm not gonna question it. Let's just go with it." Ali said.

"Yeah, of course." Ash replied.

She was still in a bit of shock. She had anticipated having to be apart from Ali. She was dreading the separation. Though she was a million times better than she was at their last camp, she was still relying on Ali a lot.

Ali was her anchor.

...

_"Sorry, Ash..."_

_"Man, that sucks. Sorry, dude."_

_"So sorry..."_

_All Ash was hearing were her teammates condolences. It was the last camp leading into the Olympics and her shoulder was injured. She needed surgery. There was no way she was going to make the roster. Once again, she wasn't good enough._

_Everyone seemed genuinely upset for her. Ever since she had seen the final roster selection she had grown somber. Everyone felt she had a good chance at being Hope's backup for the big international tournament. It would've been a dream come true._

_Ali was in Germany, continuing her recovery from her injury. She had tore her ACL and MCL in qualifiers. After a long hard 11 months she was almost at a 100%. The team had flown her out for a couple of days to evaluate her progress and then sent her back to Germany._

_Ashlyn wished she could be with Ali right now. They had started dating after she got injured and had become an even stronger support system for each other. Ash had been a constant encouragement when Ali felt like giving up and slowing down in her rigorous and painful recovery._

_Ali was Ashlyn's biggest cheerleader and honestly believed that she deserved to make the roster. If Ali believed it, Ashlyn could too._

_It was the last practice of the camp before the team had to leave for the Olympics. It was a light practice, but Ashlyn seemed overwhelmed._

_Everyone noticed._

_Finally Pia, the coach, came alongside her and gave her a careful hug. She knew Ash was in some physical pain because of her shoulder injury._

_The team watched as Ash and Pia had a quick, but heartfelt, chat in the middle of the field. Once Pia had left, Ashlyn looked for a specific teammate. She felt she had something she needed to say._

_Ash jogged to one of the goals, nudged Hope with a light hip check and said, "Good luck, Solo. Bring back gold."_

_"Thanks, Ash. I wish you could come. Sorry about your injury. I know it must hurt like hell for you to have even said anything." Hope said._

_"Yeah." Ash answered shortly. Her eyes found the ground and she stared sadly at the grass._

_"Hey..." Hope said to get Ash's attention. "It's only a matter of time for you. Don't be too down on yourself."_

_"No, it's not that. I mean, maybe it's part of that, but I really thought Ali was gonna be on the roster. She's worked so hard. She deserves it." Ash explained the real reason she felt devastated._

_"You're one of a kind, Harris."_

_That night Ashlyn made a decision. She decided she had to be with Ali. The distance was too painful. She needed to be near her girlfriend._

_"Ash, you are not putting off your surgery to see me!" Ali said. Her girlfriend had called her up and informed her of her plan. "You need to get the surgery as soon as possible."_

_"But Alex, I want to be with you." Ash pleaded._

_"Baby, I know. And I want to be with you. But your health is more important."_

_"Okay..." Ash whined sadly._

_Ash's sadness broke Ali's heart._

_The next day Ali was on a flight headed to Florida._

_When it came time for Ashlyn's surgery she was nervous. Every possible scenario played through her mind. The scariest one of all was that she wouldn't be able to fully recover and would have to give up the game she loved._

_Ali was on the other side of that scenario in her own career. She was a constant reminder to Ashlyn that with hard work and determination she could make it back._

_Ali could only stay a few days, but once Ash had finished the first phase of treatment and physical therapy, she moved to Germany to be closer to Ali while she finished up her recovery._

...

"You ready?" Ali asked. She tossed a bottle of sunscreen to Ashlyn and finished putting on her shoes.

They were able to go to bed early the night before in preparation for their first full day of practice with the team before the Algarve. Ali wanted to make sure they were both well rested and ready to give their best. However, her fiancé looked worn out.

"You ok?" Ali asked. She sat down next to Ash and took back the sunscreen from Ash's hands. She popped the top and squeezed a little bit onto her fingers. As Ali gently rubbed in the lotion onto Ashlyn's cheeks she listened to her answer.

"I didn't sleep well. I was thinking about stuff." Ashlyn said. She watched as Ali's eyes worriedly lifted to meet her own.

"What were you thinking about? Are you ok?"

Ali's voice was filled with equal parts of concern and worry.

"I'm fine. I just remembered something and it kept me up, I guess."

"What did you remember?" Ali asked cautiously.

Whenever Ash remembered something, Ali's hope would rise that things would one day be completely restored. However, there was always a chance that her fiancé would remember something painful. Ali had to approach each situation carefully.

"I remembered me and you not making the roster for the last Olympics." Ash answered.

"Oh." Ali replied quietly. Ash thought she had hurt her fiancé by bringing up a painful memory.

"Alex, I'm sorry if I made you sad." Ash apologized right away.

Ali was sad, but Ashlyn's concern was heartwarming. "Baby, you don't have to apologize for talking about something from our past. It was a hard time, but the fact that you are starting to remember makes me so happy." Ali said.

"I remember finding out before you that you didn't make the roster. I wanted to be the one to tell you, so I called you right away."

"It was better that I heard it from you." Ali said with a sad smile.

"I cried after we hung up." Ash confessed. "I could tell you were trying to be brave and not cry while I was on the phone with you."

"Yeah, that's about right." Ali confirmed.

"Well, I tried to hold it together for you, but I totally lost it after you hung up. You worked so hard. You deserved to be there more than anyone."

"I don't know if I deserved it more than anyone." Ali interrupted her fiancé. "I know a certain keeper who has overcome more than anyone else I've ever known."

Ash smirked and said, "Hope?"

Ali bursted out in laughter. She playfully slapped Ash's arm and said, "You're such a dork!"

Somewhere between Ali trying to put Ash in a headlock and Ashlyn picking Ali up off the bed, they heard a knock on their door. Alex Morgan's voice was heard on the other side of the closed door.

"Stop having sex and open the door!"

Ali hurried to answer the door. She wanted to set the record straight. She would be devastated if her friend really believed she had overheard them having sex.

After a lot of teasing, Alex accepted Ali's explanation and the three women left for practice.

...

"Babe..." Ash whispered from behind Ali as the team filed onto the bus. Ash gently squeezed Ali's hip and quietly explained her plan. "I'm gonna sit by Alex."

"What?!" Ali said in confusion. They always sat next to each other. She tried to turn around, but her fiancé wouldn't let her.

"Act natural. I don't want to attract any attention." Ash said and patted Ali's butt to encourage her to keep moving forward.

Ali shuffled forward. She could tell by Ashlyn's tone that everything was fine between them. She wasn't worried that Ash was upset or trying to avoid her, but it was obvious that she was up to something.

Ashlyn had a plan.


	23. Anchor (Part Two)

Ashlyn slid into the seat next to Alex. The star forward was taken by surprise by her travel mate for the trip. 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked. Ash and Ali ALWAYS sat together.

Ash nodded and used her hand to signal for her to come in close. She acted as if she had a secret to tell. “I’m sitting next to you.”

Alex pulled back for a moment in confusion and then moved back in close to Ashlyn and whispered, “Why?”

Ashlyn leaned forward towards the back of the seat in front of them and then scanned the bus in both directions. Once she confirmed that the coast was clear, she leaned back and whispered into Alex Morgan’s ear. 

“My fiance has bad gas.”

Alex burst out in laughter and said, “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I have to admit it’s good to see you're back to your old tricks again.” 

Ashlyn’s demeanor had changed dramatically since the last time Alex saw her. At the last camp, Ash was a mess. She was overwhelmed and scared. Alex remembered thinking that Ashlyn was like a completely different person. She seemed to be back to her old self again.

“So, for real?” Alex asked. “What’s going on?”

“For real?” Ash asked, daring Alex to push her to tell her the truth.

“Uhhh, yeah.” Alex answered dramatically. 

“Welllll,” Ash replied, matching Alex’s tone. “I’m worried about my friend.”

Alex took in a sharp breath. She wondered if she was completely transparent and her forgetful friend could see right through her.

“What are you talking about?” Alex asked. She hoped she was wrong. She hoped Ashlyn was talking about someone else.

Ashlyn leaned in like she had done earlier, but this time it wasn’t a joke. She whispered, “I can see it in the eyes.”

“What can you see?” Alex asked quietly. She was hanging on Ashlyn’s every word. She didn’t want to be exposed, but at the same time she wondered if Ash could help fix her.

“I can see the pain.” Ash answered. She cleared her throat and said in all seriousness, “No matter how big of a smile a person can have on their face, their real heart’s condition is revealed in their eyes.”

Alex’s eyes showed the pain that she thought Ashlyn was talking about as she began to tear up. “What should I do?” Alex asked. 

She needed an answer. The last few months had been hell. She felt alone and broken. 

Something was missing in her life.

“You need to go switch seats with my fiance.” Ash answered and nodded towards Ali. 

Alex scrunched her face as she put together what Ashlyn was trying to say. “You want me to sit by Tobin?”

“She needs you. You’re her best friend, right?” Ashlyn asked. She patted Alex’s thigh and said, “I can see it in her eyes, man. She’s hurting.”

“TOBIN is hurting?” Alex thought out loud. She meant to say it only to herself, but she said it loud enough for Ashlyn to hear it. Ash watched as her friend put it all together. “I hurt Tobin.” Alex emphasized the word “I.” She had finally figured it out. 

Through a trembling voice she admitted, “I miss her.”

Ashlyn knew she didn’t need to say another word. She would never betray her friend’s trust and tell Alex Tobin’s secret, but she couldn’t stand by and watch both of her teammates and friends continue to suffer. 

She hoped she had said enough to get things moving in the right direction.

...

“You told her what?!” Ali asked in a huff. She knew Ashlyn had taken matters into her own hands to help their friends, but she didn’t think it necessary for her to use her as an embarrassing excuse.

“Babe, calm down. She knew I was joking.” Ash patronized her fiance and grabbed ahold of Ali’s shoulder. “Besides, it got her to loosen up a little bit.

“I just don’t understand why I have to be the butt of all your jokes.” Ali complained.

“Alex, you are NOT the butt of the joke. Your butt is super hot. It is definitely not a joking matter.” Ash gave her fiance’s super hot butt a few friendly taps and then cracked up.

Ali used her super hot butt and thigh muscles to lunge toward her future wife and tackle her onto the bed that they had been sharing. Ali had Ashlyn pinned on the mattress. She then continued to launch a full-on tickle attack on Ashlyn. Ash reached for a pillow and swatted at her face a few times before Ali finally relented.

“You are too much.” Ali said. She was straddling her fiance. She slowly lowered down to kiss her lips. 

Ash felt Ali smile as their lips met. “You are too beautiful.” Ash replied breathlessly. She was still finding her breath from the laughter. 

Ali gave her fiance one more kiss and then rolled off of her. She rested her head against Ash’s shoulder and softly said, “I feel like you’re coming back to me.”

Ashlyn leaned down and kissed the top of Ali’s head. She squeezed her fiance and said, “You never lost me.”

“You know what I mean!” Ali replied and playfully hit Ash’s stomach with her hand. 

Ash got serious. She did know what Ali meant, but she needed Ali to understand her side of things too. “Al, no matter what, you have been all that I have. Even when I was confused and didn’t have a clue who I was or what was going on, I felt something for you. When I was alone at the hospital I felt broken. When I saw you, it felt like you were what I had been missing. I remember feeling like I was suffocating. Then I saw you...” Ash paused when she felt tears from Ali wet her shoulder. 

Ash cleared her throat and finished her thought. “I remember when I first saw you...It was like I could finally breathe again.”

Ali was about to make a move to heat things up and show Ashlyn how much her words meant to her, when they heard a knock on the door. “Are you kidding me?” Ali mumbled to whoever was on the other side of the door and dared to interrupt her and Ashlyn’s private time together. 

Ali rolled off of the bed and reluctantly left to answer the door.

Ali opened the door and without a word stuck her arm out towards the inside of the room to welcome Tobin in.

“Dude!” Tobin said and brushed right past Ali as if she wasn’t even there. “What did you tell Alex?’

Ashlyn straightened up and tried to make herself presentable for her friend. When she was alone with Ali she felt relaxed and didn’t feel the need to be anything but herself. Tobin’s anxious greeting made her nervous.

“Well, hello to you too, Tobin.” Ali said sarcastically. She closed the door and moved to the far side of the bed where Ash was still sitting. She sat down next to her to offer support, in case Tobin put Ashlyn in an uncomfortable spot.

“What did you say to her?” Tobin begged for an explanation. Both Ashlyn and Ali caught on to the desperation in her voice.

“I just told her that I thought you might be hurting.” Ash explained.

Ali tried to lighten the mood and added, “She also told her I have gas, if that makes you feel any better.”

Tobin didn’t acknowledge or respond in any way to Ali’s comment. She wasn’t in a joking mood. “She’s asking too many questions.” Tobin said. “You had no right to say anything. It isn’t your business. I was handling it.”

“You were not handling it.” Ash replied. “She needs you. She misses you.”

Tobin looked up from staring at her nervous hands in her lap and asked, “Did she say that? She told you she missed me?”

“Yes.” Ashlyn answered. “Those were her exact words.”

Tobin let out a long shaky breath. Her emotions were in conflict. “What should I do?” Tobin asked. Her eyes were fixed on her old college teammate. Ali felt like her presence was completely unnecessary. She didn’t feel unimportant or upset. She was proud. Ashlyn was becoming her own person. She was no longer a broken person barely making it. Tobin was in need of advice and felt that Ashlyn was the only one capable of helping her.

Ali watched the two women go back and forth devising a plan of how to win back Alex’s friendship, and hopefully steer their relationship in the right direction to ultimately win Alex’s heart.

...

“You’ve got game, Ash.” Ali whispered to Ashlyn as they watched Tobin approach Alex with a plate of chocolate cake. 

“You say that like it’s a surprise.” Ash whispered back.

Ali found Ashlyn’s confidence sexy and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before saying, “I always knew it. I’m just glad you know it now too.” She leaned into her fiance and they both gave their attention back to their friend. 

“Shhh.” Ash said. “Here’s the big line.”

Tobin was a ball of nerves on the inside, but on the outside she looked cool and calm. She smoothly approached Alex’s place at the table and set down the small dessert plate next to Alex’s dinner.

“Missing something?” Tobin asked.

After Ashlyn’s conversation with both of them, those words meant much more than Alex’s need and love for chocolate. Alex was beginning to understand that she had a love and need for Tobin. 

Tobin was the ‘thing’ she was missing.

Ash and Ali watched as their two friends started an awkward conversation that soon turned into a rekindling of sorts. Tobin sat down and made sure she was a safe distance away from Alex. She didn’t want to come on too strong and scare her off. Alex, on the other hand, kept subconsciously moving closer and closer to her to close the gap between them.

Ash held in a chuckle as Ali gave her a play by play of what they both could clearly see was happening. 

“Look Baby, she’s leaning in.” Ali would say or, “She’s totally staring at her lips.” She continued on and on until the team was instructed to clean up and get ready for a meeting.

The team played Iceland in the morning, and Ashlyn was given the start.


	24. Anchor (Part Three)

“How ya feeling?” Ali asked. She was literally hovering over Ashlyn as she sat in front of her locker taping up her hands.

“Fine.” Ash answered shortly. She was trying to focus.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ash...”

“Alex, stop worrying so much. The doctor released me to full contact. Our coaches say I’m mentally and physically where I need to be to play. The team supports me. The only person who doesn’t believe in me is you.” Ash said with a bit of bite in her tone.

Ash stood up and nudged Ali with her shoulder as she walked past her. Ali was worrying too much and Ashlyn felt she mentally couldn’t handle her fiance’s doubt. She felt she had to separate herself from Ali’s well-meaning negativity if she had a chance to be successful.

“Ash, wait...” Ali quickly followed after her. She didn’t want to make a scene but it was better if it happened inside the locker room rather than outside on the pitch, where fans were excitedly waiting to get a glimpse of their favorite players. 

Ali chased her very frustrated fiance into the tunnel leading to the field. She grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face her. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. I’m being overprotective. I know that. Please don’t be mad.”

“Ali, I need your support more than anyone else’s.” Ash answered. 

Ali noticed Ashlyn had softened up following her apology. “I know Baby, and you have it. I promise you. I know you can do this. I’m sorry if my worrying made you feel anything but supported.” Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and said, “I will always be your biggest fan and believe you are capable of anything.”

“You promise you won’t act psycho every time I make a save?” Ash asked with a smile.

Ali laughed and answered, “I promise.” She stretched on the tips of her toes and puckered her lips and waited for Ashlyn to close the small gap between them. She knew Ashlyn’s big softy heart wouldn’t allow Ash to leave her hanging. Ash slightly leaned down and met Ali’s lips with her own to complete their kiss.

Ali stepped in close to Ash and pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Ash. I’m sorry I’m so worried.” Her voice was soft and soothing. Ash turned her head enough to kiss Ali’s forehead. “I keep having my own kind of flashbacks, where I see you back in the hospital. You were so scared...and that scared me. I’m afraid, Ash.” Ali squeezed her fiance tighter and said, “I’m afraid I’m gonna lose you.”

After hearing Ali’s explanation, Ashlyn couldn’t be mad at her for worrying. It made perfect sense. “Alex, I’m sorry. I haven’t really been very thoughtful lately.”

Ash’s words threw Ali off. She had no idea what she was referring to.

“I should’ve considered your feelings throughout this whole thing. I’ve been so selfish.” Ash explained.

Ali gave her fiance a little push and said, “You are not selfish! Are you being serious?”

“Think about it, Alex. I never asked you how you were doing. It’s always about me.”

“That’s not true.” Ali argued. “I promise you. You have been wonderful. I promise.”

Ashlyn swallowed hard and put her head down for a few seconds before raising it and saying, “If you want me to NOT play today I can tell the coaching staff that I don’t want to play. Hope is more than ready to step in.” Ash tried not to sound devastated, but she couldn’t hide anything from Ali.

Ali answered, “Baby, I don’t want you to do that. We have to move on and handle the scary things. I want things to be normal. Even though I am freaking out a little, I don’t want to hold you back. You need this. WE need this.”

Ash felt like she was trapped between having to choose to do something that was going to be difficult either way. On one hand, it was good for her to play because it meant taking another step towards normal. On the other hand, she knew that playing was going to cause Ali to feel unsure and anxious. She didn’t want to cause Ali to feel anything but love and safety.

“Hey!” Ali said and snapped her fingers in front of her fiance’s face. “Did you hear a word I just said?” She asked with a smile. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking. I want to make sure this is worth it. I don’t like that you feel bad about it.” Ash replied.

Ali took Ash by the shoulders and gave her a little shake before saying, “You’d be crazy not to take this opportunity to show everyone what you’re made of. You got this, Baby. I’m gonna be pissed if you don’t go for it. So...” Ali paused for a moment and said, “Don’t use me as an excuse. You’re sweet and you’re wonderful and I love you...and now it’s time for you to kick some butt!”

Ali noticed a camera crew coming around the corner and took a step back. She smiled and encouraged Ash to follow her back to the locker room to finish getting ready for the game. 

Ashlyn followed happily without question.

...

Ashlyn was a little rusty at first, but it didn’t take long for her instincts and training to take over. Her movements, timing, and leading of the defense felt natural and easy. She felt comfortable doing what she had trained for so many years to do. It was second nature to her.

There were a few scary moments for Ali. She had made sure to watch Ashlyn a few extra seconds after a diving save to make sure that she was ok. Ash caught on to what Ali was doing and made sure to get up as quickly as possible whenever she went down to cut down on her fiance’s stress level. 

As the game continued Ali began to relax. It looked like everything was going to be fine.

Everything was going to be fine...

...or not.

Ash watched as Ali went down hard after she was tackled from behind. Ali rolled on the ground clutching her leg in pain. 

Ashlyn ran to her. 

There were several players standing and kneeling around her. Ashlyn pushed her way through the concerned group and knelt down next to her fiance. She put one hand on Ali’s stomach and another on her face. 

She was trying to comfort her.

Once the initial pain and shock of the knock settled, Ali realized she was ok. She was able to catch her breath and focus on her surroundings. When she came to her senses she saw her fiance being excessively affectionate for a game that was being played in front of a crowd and possibly being recorded. 

Without thinking, she pushed Ashlyn away. Ali will never forget the look of hurt on Ashlyn’s face as she stepped back and watched from a distance while the trainers made sure she was healthy enough to continue.

Ali had to close her eyes to keep from crying. Her hamstring hurt and felt tight, but it was Ashlyn that made her feel terrible.

During the remainder of the game Ali tried to find little moments where she could give Ashlyn an encouraging word or a smile to try to smooth things over. Ashlyn maintained a level of professionalism, but it was clear to Ali that she was upset.

After an easy victory for the US and a lot of interviews and autographs, the team was ready to return to their hotel. Ali watched for every opportunity to smile apologetically to Ash as they changed. She wished her fiance could read her mind. Neither of them dared to say a word in front of the team. The bus ride back to the hotel was quiet for them. Ashlyn put on sunglasses and wore her headphones. She made it clear that she didn’t want to talk. As far as the rest of the team was concerned, Ashlyn made it look like she slept the whole trip.

Ali waited for the door of their room to completely close before she said, “Ash, I’m so sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

“I thought you said you weren’t ashamed of me.” Ash replied. She wasn’t angry. She was heartbroken.

“Ashlyn, I’m not. I swear!” Ali replied, urgently needing her fiance to understand. “Baby, that’s not what that was.”

“That’s what it felt like.” Ashlyn said sadly. She turned her back to Ali and stared out the window of their room. 

Ali was at a loss for words. 

How do you explain to the woman you love that the world is unfair and that a simple expression of affection can bring on a flood of judgment and drama that neither one of them would want? In a way Ali felt that reminding Ashlyn of reality was a cruel action. Because of Ashlyn’s lost memory she was still innocent in some ways. 

“Can I please try to explain?” Ali asked. 

Ash remained with her back towards her and answered softly, “Sure.”

Ali took that as an invitation to cross the distance between them. She approached Ash slowly and felt her fiance tremble when she placed her hand on the small of her back. 

Ashlyn couldn’t control her body when she felt Ali’s touch. Ali responded by hugging her from behind to try to stop her shaking. Ash was a few moments away from falling apart, and Ali knew it.

“Baby, can we sit down?” Ali asked. She heard Ashlyn respond with a faint “ok.”

After the two of them had settled into a comfortable position on their bed, Ali started. 

“Ash, we’ve always tried to keep things professional when we’re on the field. You must not remember how cruel people can be.” Ali paused and cleared her throat. “We have some great fans and some not-so-great fans.”

Ashlyn listened carefully to Ali’s words.

“We’ve had some sad and hurtful things directed towards us in the past. You usually get upset and defend me or us, and then I get upset because you made it an even bigger spectacle than it was to begin with. After a lot of thought and discussion, we both decided that it would be better to keep our private life private.”

Ali knew exactly what Ash was thinking because she was thinking it the first time they had this discussion. She answered Ashlyn before she even had a chance to question her. 

“Keeping things private is not the same as hiding, or pretending. We can be ourselves, but we just don’t make a spectacle of our relationship. What we have is not for the entertainment or criticism of others.” Ali said. She squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and asked, “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ash answered. She hoped that her insecurities were unfounded. 

Ali let out a sad laugh and said, “We always said that when we get married we would be more open. We wouldn’t care so much about being careful. We would post a wedding picture and be done with it.”

“We can still do that.” Ash said, sensing Ali’s sadness. 

Ali was tired of being careful and always worrying about what others would think of them. As scary as it was going to be to make the official announcement of their love and marriage, it would also be a huge relief. Ever since Ashlyn’s accident, she no longer knew how long it was going to be until they would finally be free from having to worry about all that.

Ashlyn leaned back and pulled Ali down with her. Both of them laid comfortably in their bed and Ash said, “I think it’s time for us to set a date.”

“What do you mean?” Ali asked.

“You know what I mean.” Ash answered confidently.

Ali thought to herself that maybe Ash really could read her mind. “Are you sure you’re ready for that? I don’t want to rush you.” She asked.

Ash turned her head to the side letting her lips barely touch Ali’s ear and said, “I don’t have to remember everything to know that we are meant to be together. I know what we have is real. There’s no reason for us to put it off. I would marry you tomorrow if I could.” 

“Aw, Ash...” Ali felt the honesty of Ashlyn’s words. They meant the world to her.

“Hey!” Ash interrupted Ali’s thoughts of adoration and said, “How’s your leg feeling?”

Ash sat up, causing Ali to have to sit up too. Ali was in mid-pout when she heard her fiance offer, “Do you want me to massage it for you?”

Ali looked at her fiance seductively and said, “You can rub me anywhere you want.”

And that’s exactly what Ashlyn did...


	25. Burning (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. I hope it was worth the wait.

Ashlyn, Ali, and Chris pulled up to the Harris siblings' old house. A recent accident or act of arson had left it a heap of ashes and charred remnants of their past. Ali held tight to her fiance’s hand as they left the car to approach the remains. 

 

All that was left of the house was a shell of scorched memories. As Chris led the women through the remains, he would often stop and point at a pile of melted plastic or blackened wood and explain what the item used to be before the fire ruined it. Even in the midst of the destruction the house still felt haunted to Ashlyn. 

 

“Any more information from the police?” Ali asked her future brother-in-law.

 

“Not much. They haven’t found any human remains yet, but there are parts of the house that could be covering them.” Chris answered. 

 

Ashlyn stayed quiet for most of the tour. She felt a different sort of heaviness than her brother. He had memory after awful memory flooding his mind, while she was trying to find some sort of flash of her past to remember. 

 

“How long do they think it will take to get things figured out?” Ali asked.

 

“It’s hard to say. We may never know.” Chris replied.

 

Ali and Chris heard Ashlyn mumble sarcastically under her breath, “Sounds about right.”

 

She was overwhelmed with the scene she was trying to take in. Whatever toys, or other pieces of her childhood that were left in that house, had been destroyed. She knew that there were a lot of horrible things that happened to her, but she was starting to make her peace with them. 

 

She felt that she needed to know. She needed to remember. Now that everything was gone, she felt that she had lost a piece of who she was.

 

And now it was too late to find it.

 

...

 

TWO DAYS PRIOR...

 

“How’s the wedding planning going?” Ash asked. Her fiance had been making phone calls all afternoon.

 

Ashlyn wasn’t really doing much to help. Ali told her she didn’t help a lot for the first wedding they planned, and she didn’t really expect any different for this next one.

 

“It would probably be going a lot better if I wasn’t doing this by myself!” Ali answered in frustration.

 

“Babe, you are not allowed to complain. I offered to help you. You’re a perfectionist and want everything a certain way.” Ash replied. 

 

She had made it clear to Ali that she wanted to be as much of a help as she possibly could be. At first, Ali was on board. She was glad that Ash had picked up the slack. Before Ashlyn’s accident when they had first set a date and planned the wedding, Ash did her best to stay out of the preparations. She didn’t care about the details, she only cared about getting married. 

 

Ali thought that the new and improved Ashlyn would make things easier for her, but it only made it harder. Everything had to be agreed on by both of them, instead of just Ali picking out everything exactly how she wanted it. Ash still didn’t care, so once they figured out that it was harder on Ali, she gave her fiance full control.

 

Along with full control she made Ali promise not to get upset with her if she wasn’t that involved. Therefore, Ali wasn’t allowed to complain.

 

“Baby, I’m not complaining.” She answered. She was definitely complaining. “I’m simply stating a fact.” 

 

Ashlyn stood behind her future wife as she sat at her desk looking over all of the arrangements. Ash began to massage her shoulders and said, “Is there something you want me to do? I’d be glad to help.”

 

“No, it’s ok. I just wish we were married and on our honeymoon already.” Ali answered.

 

Ash smiled as she thought about a naked Ali on a Caribbean beach somewhere. Ash began to daydream about the fun she was going to have with her future wife’s beautiful body. “Hey, why don’t we just elope?” Ashlyn asked. “We can forget about all this drama and be on a beach drinking drinks with a little umbrella in them by tomorrow night.”

 

Ali turned her head and grabbed one of Ashlyn’s hands. She brought it to her lips and placed a soft kiss on it and said, “You are so cute. But you’re not getting a honeymoon without a proper wedding.”

 

Ash sighed loudly in frustration and then she had an idea. “Babe, you’ll get your wedding, but I think we might need to plan and prepare for our honeymoon now.”

 

“Baby, I already booked the hotel and plane tickets. It’s already taken care of.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Ash replied. “I want everything to be perfect. We need to practice our honeymoon moves.” She couldn’t keep a straight face. She was certain her fiance wouldn’t go for her attempt to get her into bed.

 

Fortunately for Ashlyn, Ali was full of surprises.

 

...

 

After several practice runs of preparation for their upcoming honeymoon, Ashlyn’s phone rang. With Ali nuzzled into her side she stretched to her bedside table and answered her cell. 

 

Ali could feel her fiance’s chest still as she held her breath.

 

“Baby, what is it?” Ali whispered. 

 

When Ash didn’t respond Ali raised her head up and propped herself up on her arm. She asked again, “Baby, what is it?”

 

“My parents...” Ash softly said. Ali could see she was in shock.

 

“Ash...” Ali whispered in the calmest tone she could muster. She placed a hand on Ashlyn’s stomach to try and convey her support. “What happened?”

 

“They might be dead.” Ash answered. “That was my brother. He said their house burnt down. The firefighters didn’t find any survivors.”

 

“Ash, I’m sorry.” Ali didn’t know what to say. Anything involving Ashlyn’s parents was always complicated. “How do you feel? What are you thinking?”

 

“Chris needs me to go with him to the house.” Ashlyn replied. Her voice was void of any emotion.

 

“Baby, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

 

Ali’s disapproval of the idea brought Ashlyn back from her shocked state.

 

“Why?” Ash asked.

 

“Because it’s a horrible place. Remember what it was like the last time we visited?” Ali asked. She couldn’t handle the thought of returning to a place that brought so much horror and pain to her fiance. Their last visit didn’t only affect Ashlyn, it also scared her death.

 

“Alex, my brother needs me.” Ash answered. To Ashlyn nothing else mattered. 

 

“Ashlyn, it’s different for you. It’s not fair that he’s asking this of you.” 

 

“He’s my brother. He can ask me to do anything.”

 

Ali sat up and turned away from her fiance. She didn’t want Ashlyn to see her face when she said, “He’s your brother who constantly let you down and always only thinks about himself.” Ali turned around and faced Ashlyn. “And he’s doing it now! Ashlyn, you’re not ready to face that house again. You’re safe here with me. Please, just stay here.” Ali resorted to begging. She was desperate to get Ashlyn to stay far away from her childhood house.

 

“You don’t understand what we went through. I’m all he has. He told me that I’m the only one who knows him. I’m the only one who really loves him.” Ashlyn explained passionately. “I’m not going to let him down.”

 

“Ash...” Ali started but then hesitated. 

 

She wanted to tell Ashlyn that her memory loss took away whatever childhood traumatic connection she had with her brother. She wanted to tell her that she owed him nothing. Ali wanted to protect Ashlyn above all else. In Ali’s experience Chris was never one to reach out to his little sister when she needed help. Ali had witnessed him let Ashlyn down over and over again. 

 

She still hadn’t forgiven him for how he acted after Ashlyn’s accident. His excuse was that his presence would have only made things worse, but Ali couldn’t understand how a big brother could let his baby sister suffer alone. 

 

“Ash, I STRONGLY encourage you NOT to go.” Ali said. 

 

Ashlyn didn’t like the tone that Ali was taking with her. Ali was telling her what to do and she didn’t think that was appropriate. “I already told you that I’m going. That's it. There’s no more discussion.”

 

...

 

The next morning Ashlyn woke up on the couch. Ali and her had gotten into a fight about her brother and Ash couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t know enough background about her own life to properly argue with Ali about her opinion. She ended up getting frustrated and leaving Ali to sleep alone in their bed.

 

Ash stretched her stiff back and groaned in discomfort as she made her way to the coffee maker. After filling her mug she took a seat at the table where her fiance had been waiting for over an hour. Without a word, Ali slid a piece of paper across the table. 

 

“What’s this?” Ash asked as she looked it over.

 

“That’s our ticket to Florida.” Ali answered.

 

Ash lifted her gaze from the paper to her fiance. Ali’s eyes were filled with remorse and forgiveness. The argument was over. The flight to Florida was Ali’s peace offering. Ash nodded slightly to acknowledge that she understood Ali’s intentions and that she forgave her. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Ash said. “I don’t even know why...I mean, maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s no reason left for me to care about Chris or my family, but I can’t accept that. I can’t do it, Alex. I can’t give up on my brother. He’s all I have left of a life I can’t remember.”

 

“Ash, I’m the one who should be sorry. Of course you should go. I’m going with you. Whatever we find there, we’ll find it together.” Ali promised.

 

...

 

PRESENT DAY...

 

Chris kicked in a door that was blocked by fallen debris. “Remember this place, Ash?” Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand, anticipating what was coming. “This was your room.” Chris explained. “But you spent most nights with me in my room.” 

 

Chris’ confession softened Ali’s heart towards him. There was a reason Ashlyn would sneak into her brother’s room at night. He made her feel safe. Whatever it was that happened between those days of Chris protecting his sister and the recent days of him avoiding her during her suffering, Ali knew it must’ve been a nightmare.

 

Ali’s death grip on Ashlyn’s hand was tightening as she thought about what her fiance had endured in the room they were visiting. It wasn’t until she felt Ashlyn shake that she loosened her hold. Ali gave her fiance her full attention and noticed that her eyes were glazed over and she was no longer present with them. 

 

She held Ash by the waist with both of her arms and waited out the memory that Ashlyn was reliving.

 

...

 

_“Shhhh. Ash, you have to stop crying. He’ll hear.” Chris held his little sister as they hid underneath her bed. Ashlyn’s lip was still bleeding from her father’s angry slap. Her six year old face was covered in tears._

 

_“Be brave, Ash. One day you’ll be out of here. One day you’ll be free.” Chris encouraged. He rocked her gently back and forth until her cries quieted and she fell asleep. Once Ashlyn was at peace, Chris could find rest._

 

...

 

Ali watched as a single tear spilled from one of Ashlyn’s eyes. Ash reached out toward her brother and hugged him. He held her as she began to sob. 

 

He refused to move until she had finished crying. 

 

 

 


	26. Burning (Part Two)

Ali watched as her future brother-in-law comforted her fiance. She wished that Ashlyn didn’t have to go through her suffering, but she was grateful for Chris’ support. He understood better than anyone what was experienced in that house. She waited until the siblings loosened their tight embrace before she placed a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. 

“Baby, maybe we should take a short break.” Ali suggested. She wanted to be done with the whole thing, but knew her fiance would want to follow Chris’ lead.

Ashlyn looked to her brother for an answer. He nodded and said, “That’s a good idea.” He would have wanted to push through and get it over with but he could see that Ashlyn was distressed.

He added, “We can hang out at my apartment for a while if you want. I stocked up on food and drinks for you guys.”

Ashlyn smiled at her brother’s attempt to be a good host. The last time she visited him he had a messy house and only beer and water in the fridge. She appreciated his thoughtful gesture.

...

Chris drove the couple to his apartment and rushed to Ashlyn’s car door to open it for her. Once he had closed the door behind her he quickened his pace to beat them to his apartment door. Ashlyn and Ali followed behind. 

Ash whispered to Ali and asked, “Does he usually open my door for me?” Ashlyn suspected that he was on his best behavior.

“No.” Ali answered. “But I think it’s really sweet.” She added.

Chris opened his front door wide for the women and waited for them to enter his bachelor pad. 

“Wow.” Ash said. “This place looks a lot different from the last time I was here.”

“Uh, yeah. I wasn’t at my best the last time you were here. Sorry about that.” Chris apologized.

Ash laughed and answered, “I wasn’t at my best either.” 

Chris agreed and with a big grin said, “Look at the two of us. One of us can’t remember and the other can’t forget. We need to get siblings therapy, or something.”

“Is that even a thing?” Ash asked.

“I don’t think they call it that. But there was an incident when we were younger. The police and child’s service people actually ordered that mom and dad take us to get therapy.” Chris said. 

He made the comment as if it wasn’t a big deal. Ali was mortified. Ashlyn had never told her about that detail from her past before. She wondered what could have happened that would warrant that kind of requirement from the police. She also wondered why the siblings were left in a house where they were in danger if the authorities knew they needed help.

Ashlyn followed her brother’s lead and treated the comment as no big deal. She figured she could ask Ali about it later. She had no idea that Ali was just as clueless about it as she was. 

Chris was a gracious host. He even had a veggie and cheese tray for them to snack on. Everything he served was obviously store bought and packaged, but Ali thought it was a really sweet effort. 

Chris handed Ashlyn and Ali a plate with a sandwich and potato chips on it. He refilled their glasses with sweet tea and sat next to them on his futon couch. 

“Grandma made the tea.” Chris confessed. “But I made the ice.” He joked.

“Very impressive.” Ali replied. She forgot how charming he could be when he tried. He reminded her of her fiance in that way. 

“Hey, sis.” Chris said. Ash was busy making a tower out of cubes of cheese on her plate. “Remember when me and you used to make microwave cheese sandwiches?” 

Ash and Chris were severely neglected when they were younger. Their parents didn’t always concern themselves with whether or not they were getting fed. The refrigerator wasn’t normally stocked. They would search the kitchen for anything edible. Sometimes they would have to get really creative. They found a favorite meal in microwaving a piece of cheese on a slice of bread. 

“You always let it cook until it got crunchy.” Chris explained. Ali looked at her fiance in disgust. Chris just laughed.

“I did?” Ash asked. She had no idea. She started to laugh when she saw Ali’s face.  
  

Ali spoke up, “Honestly, I believe it. She always likes the burnt edges on the different things I bake. I make sure to save the corner pieces of things like lasagna and brownies for her.”

Ashlyn grinned at the thought of Ali’s thoughtfulness. She was ready to marry her and eat the burnt edges of Ali’s cooking for the rest of her life. 

...

The three returned to the house and looked around as much as they could. There were still some portions that were taped off for investigation. They were given strict orders not to go near those areas. Their second trip was a lot easier than the first. There wasn’t much left of the remains of the house to look at. Ashlyn’s fiance was relieved that there weren’t any more meltdowns.

Ali invited Chris to hang out with them in their hotel room for the rest of the night. The two women were leaving in the morning and she wanted to give the siblings a chance to spend some more time together.

Ali’s plan didn’t go as she had expected. Ashlyn fell asleep soon after they had arrived. The stress of the day had taken an emotional and physical toll on her. With Ashlyn’s head in her lap, Ali spent the rest of the night talking quietly with her fiance’s brother.

“I’m glad we came down.” Ali said, referring to their trip to Florida. “I think it’s good for Ash to spend time with you.”

Chris was happy to hear that he might actually be good for something. He answered, “I’m glad you came, too. I’ve been really worried about her.” He nodded toward his sister and continued. “I know I haven’t been the best brother over the years, but I always figured she had you. She was way better off without me once you came around.”

“I don’t understand that logic.” Ali replied honestly. “Ash will always need you.”

“I wanted her to have a fresh start. She needed to get as far away from here and from me as possible.”

Ali shook her head side to side and said, “I still don’t get it. You were the best thing she ever had growing up. Why would you think it was better for her to lose you?” Ali didn’t mean to change the mood in the room, but she did. Her tone was accusing and protective.

“She didn’t lose me!” Chris said defensively and a little too loudly. They both watched Ashlyn shift and worried that they had woken her up. Ali stroked her cheek until she settled back down.

“She didn’t lose me.” Chris said again, but this time it was in a much calmer and quieter tone. “I couldn’t hold her back. She thought she had to choose between me and UNC. I couldn’t let her do that.”

It was clear to Chris that Ali didn’t know what he was talking about. He explained further. “I knew that she was loyal to me at her own expense. She would stay back with me, even if it meant giving up on her future. I pulled away, but it was because I loved her, not because I didn’t want to be part of her life.”

“So, what about after college?” Ali asked. Her tone was no longer aggressive. “She said you just disappeared for a while. You didn’t return her calls or tell anyone where you were. She felt like you abandoned her.”

Chris began to fidget. He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. Ali had seen Ashlyn do the same thing hundreds of times. He answered her, “I..umm...I felt so alone when Ash left for college. I ended up struggling with alcohol and living a life I wasn’t proud of. I was too ashamed. I wanted more than anything for my sister to succeed and have a normal life, but it ended up emphasizing how much of a failure I turned out to be. I went through some dark years. I made horrible decisions and I didn’t want Ash to know. I didn’t want her to be ashamed of me.”

Ali could tell that he was telling the truth. All this time she thought he was being selfish, but he wasn’t. He was humbled by his sister’s success to the point of feeling unworthy to be her brother. 

He was ashamed.

Now it was Ali’s turn to feel ashamed. She had judged him harshly and he deserved better. 

“Chris, we all have things we struggle with. No matter what, Ash will accept you. She needs you. You don’t have to be perfect to be important. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel bad. I filter everything based on if it hurts Ash, or not. I didn’t give you a chance to explain your side. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t feel too bad. I was a coward. I should’ve tried harder.” Chris replied. “After seeing her that first time you visited after her accident, I looked at my life and realized that I needed to change things. I don’t want to let her down anymore.”

“I’m glad you’re back in both of our lives.” Ali said. She waved her arm in the air to signal that she wanted him to come to her so she could give him a hug. 

Their loose embrace jostled Ashlyn enough to wake her up. She slightly opened one eye and said tiredly, with a hint of sarcasm, “Jeeze you guys, get a room.”

Ali and Chris couldn’t help but laugh.

...

It wasn’t until the engaged couple was on a plane flying home that Ashlyn remembered about a detail she wanted to ask her fiance about.

“Hey Alex, I completely forgot.”

Ali let out a quiet chuckle as her soon to be wife abruptly jolted in her seat. The two of them had settled into their seats and Ali was almost asleep when she heard Ashlyn’s outburst.

“What did you forget, baby?” Ali asked. She pushed the sleep mask from her eyes until it rested on her forehead. 

“I wanted to ask you about what my brother said about us having to get therapy together. What was that about?” Ash asked. She gave Ali her full attention, ready to find out more about her forgotten life.

When Ali didn’t answer Ashlyn got worried. 

Ali watched Ash’s eyes fill will fear. Ashlyn assumed there must be some terrible story behind the answer to her question. She assumed Ali was stalling because she didn’t want to hurt her. Her real reason was that she didn’t know the answer.

Ali reached for Ashlyn’s hand and tried to calm her fears. “Baby, I know what you’re thinking. You think I don’t want to tell you what happened. The truth is, I wish I could tell you. You never told me about that part of your life.” Ali explained.

“I didn’t?” Ash asked. She closed her eyes and slammed her head back into her seat. She turned away from Ali and pressed her forehead against the window next to her. This time it wasn’t fear filling her eyes. It was tears.

“Ash?” Ali said and put her hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Baby, please don’t be upset.” Ali moved her hand to Ashlyn’s back and rubbed it gently.

Ashlyn chewed on her lower lip and tried to will her tears away. She failed. Ash turned back towards Ali and cried into her shoulder. Ali held her until she was calm enough to share what was hurting her.

“I’m never going to remember it all, am I?” Ash said. 

“Don’t say that, Ashlyn. It will come back. Little by little.” Ali answered.

“It’s too much, Alex. I’ve lost too much. All I ever get are little flashes of my past. It’s gone. It’s lost...” Ashlyn said. She looked scared and worn out. 

Ali heard Ashlyn’s muffled voice say against her chest, “I’m lost.”

“Ashlyn, look at me.” Ali said. She guided Ashlyn’s chin upward with her finger to get Ash to look into her eyes. “You’re not lost. You’re right here. As long as we’re together, you won’t be lost.” Ali met Ash’s lips with her own. She kissed Ashlyn one more time before saying, “I know it must be frustrating. I’m so sorry, baby. But don’t give up. You’re making so much progress. You’re not lost. Even if you never get your full memory back, I need you to know that this is where you belong.” 

Ali gave her fiance a squeeze and added, “You fit perfectly in my arms...And I’m never letting go.”


	27. Save The Day (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Warning: This chapter is kind of intense. It includes some difficult details about abuse. It isn't descriptive about the violence. It's more about the aftermath.
> 
> 2\. This chapter goes back and forth from present day to flashbacks. I hope it's not too confusing. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

The Krieger-Harris wedding was less than a month away and Ali was busier than every making plans. She had an early appointment with their wedding planner and left her fiance asleep in their bed. When she returned home, Ashlyn was gone.

 

What Ali didn’t know was that Ashlyn had received a phone call from her brother thirty minutes prior to her return. The news that Chris had shared with his sister prompted her to leave the house. Ashlyn had left Ali a note and put in on the fridge to inform her of why she had to leave, but the magnet holding it up fell on the floor and with it the small piece of paper. 

 

“Ash!” Ali yelled as she pushed their front door open. Her arms were full of bundles of flowers she wanted to show her fiance. She needed to make a decision on the floral arrangements for the wedding.

 

“Ashlyn, come and help me!” She yelled towards their bedroom. She ended up dropping the flowers off onto their kitchen counter and huffed her way towards the room where she assumed her fiance was still sleeping.

 

When she discovered that their bed was empty, she pulled out her cell phone and tried calling Ashlyn. She rolled her eyes when she heard her forgetful fiance’s phone ringing from under their bed.

 

“Ashlyn Michelle, why can’t you ever keep track of your stuff?” She asked rhetorically. 

 

Ali knelt down and reached under the bed until her hand found Ashlyn’s cell. She scrolled through the text messages to see if she could find a clue to where Ash might be. The last text Ash received was from her, which didn’t help at all. Ali naturally checked the call log and found that Ashlyn’s brother had called. Chris was working to repair his relationship with his sister lately, but he wasn’t usually someone who would call unless there was a serious issue. 

 

Ali immediately pressed ‘call back’ and waited for her future brother-in-law to pick up. She hoped he would have some answers for her.

 

...

 

_ Ashlyn was five years old when she realized her father didn’t love her. That was the same day she found out her mother would always side with her father over her and Chris. _

 

_ “Why doesn’t daddy love us?” Little Ashlyn asked.  _

 

_ She had finally come out from hiding under her bed when she heard the front door slam. She knew that her dad had left because the house was no longer filled with his angry screaming. _

 

_ “It’s complicated.” Her mother answered. She had tear stained cheeks and felt guilty about the life she was forcing her children to endure. _

 

_ Ashlyn was too young to understand that her mother wanted to do better. All she could understand was that she didn’t. _

 

...

 

“Chris, have you heard from Ashlyn?” Ali asked frantically. 

 

“I spoke to her earlier, but I haven’t heard from her since then.” He answered.

 

“I mean, do you know where she is?”

 

Chris cleared his throat as he picked up on the tone that Ali was using. “I told her to stay there.”

 

“Why would you have to tell her that? Where is she?” Ali asked.

 

“Umm...I told her that our parents’ remains were found in their house. She insisted on coming to visit me. I told her to stay with you. I tried to convince her that I was fine. Maybe I didn’t do a good enough job.” Chris explained. 

 

“I can’t believe she wouldn’t have tried to tell me.” Ali said, thinking out loud. She shook her head and thanked Chris for the new information. She asked him to let her know when her fiance arrived in Florida so she didn’t have to worry all night.

 

...

 

_ Ashlyn cowered in the corner of her parents’ bedroom. She had fallen from a tree and split her head open. She cried out for her mother. When her mother arrived she was scolded for getting blood on her new outfit. Her hair had a patch of dark partially dried sticky blood on it. Her mother stripped her naked and made her sit in the corner until her father came home.  _

 

_ “I can’t look at you. You’re filthy. Wait until your father gets home. You’re going to have to deal with him.” Ashlyn’s mother said hatefully as she left the room.  _

 

_ Ashlyn was seven years old and already knew what it felt like to be ashamed of her existence. She sobbed until her brother came and covered her up with a blanket. He carried her to his room and snuck in a bowl of water and a wash cloth. He cleaned her wound and held her safely until she fell asleep. Once she was calm and sleeping he tucked her in and stayed up all night keeping watch for his father’s return.  _

 

_ Both parents drank that night until they passed out. By morning they had forgotten about the whole incident. However, Chris didn’t sleep all night just to make sure that his sister was safe. _

 

...

 

Ashlyn had been gone for almost ten hours. Neither Ali nor Chris had heard from her. 

 

“How could she do this to me again?” Ali said. She had called Chris for the fourteenth time that day. “She knows how much I worried about her the last time she disappeared. How could she knowingly put me through this again?”

 

“Maybe I should fly out there.” Chris said. Ali was in denial. He felt that something must be seriously wrong. He didn’t think his sister was being unthoughtful, he thought she must be in trouble.

 

“You need to stay there!” Ali snapped. “She’s gonna be there any minute. You need to be there to take care of her.”

 

Chris exhaled loudly and said what needed to be said. “Ali, I don’t think she’s coming. I don’t know where she is, but I think we need to get the police involved in looking for her.”

 

“Chris, don’t say that. She’s on her way to Florida. That’s where she is. She left me to go to you.” Ali said desperately. She had to believe Ashlyn was ok. 

 

She couldn’t live with any other option.

 

...

 

_ “Once upon a time there were two superheroes.” Chris said. He had begun every story he told his sister with the same opening line.  _

 

_ Chris held his four year old sister in his lap as they hid in the storm cellar waiting for the present family storm to pass.  _

 

_ “Me and you.” Ash said, cutting her brother’s story off to make sure he knew that the superheroes were the two of them. _

 

_ “Yes, once upon a time there were two superheroes named, Ashlyn and Christopher.” _

 

_ “We fly around!” Ash declared proudly. She stuck out both arms and imagined herself soaring through the clouds.  _

 

_ “We fly over the city and look for little children to rescue.” He said, smiling at his little sister’s excitement.  _

 

_ “We save the day!” She exclaimed. _

 

_ “That’s right, Ash. We save the day.” He said sadly, wishing that it were that easy to save his sister from the horror they both faced every day. He hoped that one day he could rescue her in real life, and not just in his made up stories. _

 

_ For now he had to settle for make believe heroics. _

 

...

 

The next morning Ali woke up to the sound of Chris pounding on her front door. 

 

Ashlyn was still gone.

 

Ali rubbed the sleep from her eyes and shuffled tiredly to the door. As soon as she opened it she felt her future brother-in-law’s arms around her. “We’ll find her.” He whispered.

 

“Promise?” Ali asked. She sounded like a scared child.

 

“I promise.”

 

...

 

_ “I can’t believe you’re leaving!” Ash screamed. Her brother was packing a suitcase as she paced the length of his room.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry, Ash. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve been offered a job that pays enough for me to get an apartment. Once I’m settled in I’ll come back and get you.” He promised.  _

 

_ “Chris, I can’t make it without you.” Ash said. She started to cry. Chris couldn’t stop his task of packing. He knew that if he did, he would never be able to leave. He stuffed a hoodie in his bag and tried not to focus on his sister’s terrified face. _

 

_ “Ash, I’m sorry. I can’t stay here anymore. Dad said he wanted to kill me. I think he is really gonna do it one of these days.”  _

 

_ Ashlyn swallowed hard. She remembered the fight the two of them had gotten into the night before. Chris was big enough now to fight back and he had a hard time holding his tongue. Their father’s threat could very well become a reality. _

 

_ “Ok.” Ash answered with a small voice. She wished it could be different. She knew that things would never be the same. _

 

_ Ashlyn picked up the last t-shirt from her brother’s dresser drawer and said, “Promise me you’ll come back and save the day. Promise me you’ll rescue me.” _

 

_ “I promise.” _

 

_ That was a promise he couldn’t keep. _

 

...

 

“She probably got cold feet.” Ali worried out loud. She was a nervous wreck. “She doesn’t want to marry me. She really has left me.”

 

Chris put an end to that line of thinking right away. “Ali, that’s crazy. It’s no coincidence that this happened the same day she found out our parents are dead. She hasn’t left you.”

 

“Well, then where is she? She’s not here. She’s gone. She left!” Ali argued. “To be more specific, she left ME.” 

 

“Ali, all of her stuff is here. She did not leave you.” Chris rationalized.

 

“That doesn’t make me feel better!” Ali replied. “That was the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that she is lying face down, dead in a ditch.”

 

“Well...” Chris started, but realized he had no words of comfort. He didn’t know how to make things better for his sister’s fiance. 

 

...

 

_ “The patient has multiple broken ribs, a ruptured lung, a broken wrist, a fractured cheek bone, and a severe concussion.” The nurse explained.  _

 

_ Chris was standing outside of his sixteen year old sister’s hospital room. The nurse had no explanation of what had caused the injuries, but Chris knew. Their father had almost beaten his sister to death. He was ashamed of himself. He should’ve been there to protect her.  _

 

_ Chris didn’t dare enter the room until the nurse had left. He walked to his sister’s bedside with his head hanging low in guilt and quietly said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save the day, Ash. I’m so sorry I let you down. I didn’t rescue you.” _

 

_ Chris had planned to move his sister into his apartment, but he didn't want to force Ashlyn to quit the soccer team at her school. Everything was so complicated and he was too young and scared to make a decision. He had waited too long. _

 

_ Chris left that room determined that he was no superhero. He couldn’t save Ashlyn unless he forced her to move on and leave him behind. _

 

_ Leaving Ashlyn that day was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.  _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is nearing it's end. I hope you enjoy how it all turns out. There are a few more chapters left. Thanks for sticking with me.


	28. Save The Day (Part Two)

“Hey, Al!” Chris shouted from the kitchen.”I found a note.” He had left Ali in the living room to get them both something to drink. Ali was a wreck. He worried that she was going to make herself sick with anxiety.

“What?” Ali asked. She rushed to his side, hopeful for an answer to the whereabouts of her fiance.

Chris showed her the note. She snatched it from his hand and read it. After reading it she sat down at the table and read it again. She read it four times before asking, “Is she ever going to come back to me, Chris?”

The paper Ali held had a short and somewhat distressed message on it...

_“Ali,_

_My parents are dead. My brother just told me. I need to be alone. I’m not leaving you. I know that’s what you’re thinking. Don’t think that. I don’t know what I’m looking for. All I know is that I have to start looking. And I have to do it alone. Please try not to worry._

_I love you._

_Ash”_

 

...

Ashlyn stood all alone outside of her parents’ burnt down home in Florida. She didn’t tell anyone she was going to be there. She wanted to be alone on this part of her journey. She felt that she was relying on everyone else to fill in the details of her life. Their stories and support were helpful, but it made her feel like she wasn’t the one living her life anymore.

Ashlyn stared at the house, not knowing where to start. Somewhere among the ashes of the old house laid her parents’s remains and her broken childhood.

...

“You might as well go home.” Ali said sadly. She still had Ashlyn’s note in her hand and wasn’t planning to let it go until she was able to hold her fiance again.

“I’m not leaving you. Ash would want me to stay here.” Chris answered.

“Chris...” Ali said with frustration. “Ashlyn isn’t concerned with how I’m doing. She left me here alone without any explanation of where she is or when she’ll be back. That’s not something that a person committed to share a life with someone does. This isn’t working anymore.”

“Ali, don’t give up on her. She’s going through a hard time.” Chris pleaded.

Ali crumbled up the paper in her hand and said, “We’re all going through a hard time! This isn’t fair, Chris. She can’t just leave whenever she wants. We’re supposed to be a team. We’re supposed to go through this life together. This isn’t ok. I can’t be the only one being supportive. I need her to support me too.”

“Ali, our parents just died! I’m sorry if it sounds selfish or insensitive about what you’re going through, but she needs you to give her a break on this. Look, I’m on your side. I’m worried to death about her. But I can’t imagine what she’s going through. Me and you are all she has. Don’t be so quick to give up on her.” Chris replied.

“Are you kidding me?” Ali yelled. All of the years of keeping quiet and polite regarding Chris’ absence from his sister’s life had finally reached a boiling point. “You are the one who left her. You are the one that decided she was better off without you.” Ali shook her finger at him and said, “How dare you come here and tell me that I need to be more supportive? You are the one who should be ashamed for how you’ve acted towards her. I’m sorry, but I think you need to leave.”

By the end of Ali’s rant she had calmed down considerably. She was no longer yelling, but her tone was serious.

Chris answered her sadly, “You’re right. I let my sister down. I’m not gonna do it again. You can’t get rid of me, Alexandra Krieger.”

Chris left the room to give Ali some space. He ended up taking a walk around the neighborhood to try to clear his head. He didn’t know what the right thing to do was. All he knew was that Ash would want him to take care of Ali.

...

Ashlyn walked around to the back of the house. She had recently had a flash of a memory of her falling out of a tree and hitting her head. She scanned the backyard looking for the tree from her memory.

She walked toward one and ran her fingertips against it’s bark. It didn’t seem familiar at all. She let out a breath and looked around. Nothing seemed to jog her memory. She wanted to cry.

“I really thought coming here would help.” Ash said to herself.

She turned back toward the house and felt stupid for being there. Ashlyn kicked at some rocks on the ground and mumbled a few swear words to herself about how pathetic she was. The closer she got to the house, the more angry she became. She knelt down and picked up one of the rocks she had been kicking and threw it at the house. “I hate you!” She screamed.

It wasn’t until she saw her own reflection in a piece of broken glass that she realized she was talking to herself and not the house.

...

Ali had a lot of thinking to do. She had to ask herself if she could continue like this. She could handle Ashlyn’s baggage. She could handle most of her irrational behavior because of it, but what she couldn’t handle was Ashlyn leaving her. She didn’t think it was fair for her fiance or for Chris to expect her to.

...

Ashlyn had fallen to her knees and cried in her parents’ backyard. She needed answers. After several minutes she fell backwards and laid on the grass. She stared at the sky above her and looked for some kind of hope in the clouds of the sunny Florida sky.

She wiped her eyes dry and took a deep breath. “Pull it together.” She said to herself.

Ashlyn sat up and took in the scene in front of her. The police had removed the caution tape from the last time she was there with her brother and Ali. She didn’t really care to go back inside. Without Chris all of the burned up remains wouldn’t make any sense to her anyway.

Her eye caught a flash of something on the ground. She got up to inspect it and found a piece of glass reflecting the sun above. Once again she felt stupid. She rubbed the back of her neck and massaged the muscles that were extra tight due to the stress of the day. She wished she could call Ali and ask her about what she should do.

“No, that’s stupid.” Ash said, answering her thoughts. “The whole purpose of all this is to do this for myself.”

Ashlyn took in a deep calming breath and resolved to find her own strength to get through this.  
...

“Hey, sis.” Chris said quietly. He didn’t want to scare Ali away.

Ali was standing in the kitchen sipping on a cup of coffee. Without asking if he wanted one, she poured her future brother-in-law a cup and handed it to him.

“Sorry.” Chris apologized. “I know you don’t want me here.”

“No. It’s ok. I’m glad you’re here.” Ali said. She had finally surrendered to the fact that she had no power to make things better. All she could do was wait. “I’m sorry for what I said. I know Ashlyn needs you and that it’s a really good thing that you’re back in her life again.”

Ali took a sip and asked, “So, when do we call the police and report her missing?”

“I don’t think we can, Al.” Chris answered. “She left a note. She left of her own free will.”

“She’s not thinking. She’s in trouble. I know it.” Ali replied.

“We just have to wait for her.” Chris said. “We have to trust her.”

Ali’s lack of control over the situation was unsettling. She imagined the worst. There was no way she would be able to sit around and do nothing.

“Ya know, Al. Ash is a survivor. Maybe this is how it has to happen.” Chris said.

“What do you mean?” Ali asked. She couldn’t imagine a scenario that was good for either her or Ashlyn that involved them being apart.

“When we were growing up she had me. And then for a few years she didn’t. She was on her own. She made it through so many traumatic and horrible things. Maybe part of her recovery is learning to survive on her own again....and then choosing not to.” Chris explained.

“You think she needs this time alone?” Ali asked.

“Maybe.” Chris answered. Only Ashlyn could confidently answer that question.

“Then I guess I will let her go and pray that she comes back to me.”


	29. Save The Day (Part Three)

Ashlyn woke up sitting in her parents’ old storm cellar. She had found her way inside through a door in the back yard and the heaviness of the space drained her both emotionally and physically. She found a familiar looking corner to sit in, pulled her knees up into her chest, and wrapped her arms around them as if to hug herself. She leaned her head against the wall as she tried to remember something helpful from her past. Nothing came to her and she ended up falling asleep.

She was startled awaked by a dream she was having. She felt dizzy and nauseous. Her head was pounding. She felt like the house was somehow making her sick. It felt almost oppressive. She made up her mind to get as far away as she could.

She decided it was time to go home. She decided it was time to return to Ali.

...

Ali was stretched out on the couch. She had fallen asleep while Chris left to get them something to eat. She heard the door open and close, and called out while half asleep, “Leave the food on the counter. Eat all you want. I’m not hungry.”

Chris didn’t respond. She sighed in exhaustion and sat up to make sure she hadn’t offended her fiance’s brother by sending him to pick up food and then refusing to eat. She looked over the back of the couch in search for the offended party and saw her fiance.

“Hi, Alex.” Ash said cautiously.

For all of the worrying Ali had done, one would think she would have tackled her fiance with a hug.

Instead she stared at her wordlessly.

Ali wanted to yell at her and accuse her of being selfish to think it was ok to leave without warning. She wanted to shake some sense into her and get her to see that she had put her through hell the last couple of days, but she couldn’t move.

The next time when Ali heard the door open and close it was Chris. He didn’t realize what he had interrupted. All he knew was that his sister was home and safe. The engaged couple’s staring contest ended when he embraced Ashlyn in a bear hug and lifted her off the ground.

“Sis, I’m so glad to see you!” Chris exclaimed. He set her down and spun her around so he could hug her properly. He squeezed her tightly and closed his eyes for a moment as he held her in his arms. When he slowly opened his eyes, he saw his future sister-in-law hadn’t moved since he had arrived.

Chris realized that he had intruded on something. He stepped back from his sister and said, “I’m gonna take a walk. I’ll be back in a bit.” He kissed Ashlyn’s cheek and walked toward Ali. He bent down over the back of the couch and whispered in Ali’s ear, “Don’t be too hard on her.” He gave Ali a kiss on the top of her head and left the women alone.

The few awkward moments of silence after Chris left felt like an eternity. Ashlyn knew she was in trouble. She had acted irrationally and didn’t talk to Ali about leaving. At the time she didn’t think it would be a problem, but now it was clear to her that she had done everything all wrong.

“I’m sorry I left.” Ash said, obviously filled with guilt.

Ali didn’t respond. She just continued to stare at her fiance.

“It was stupid.” Ash continued. She was nervously trying to fill the awkward silence. “I got there and realized that I hate everything about me.”

At this point of Ashlyn’s confession she was no longer focused on Ali’s shocked and angry expression, she had dropped her gaze to the floor. Ali watched a few tears drop from Ashlyn’s eyes. Her anger was immediately replaced with her own form of guilt.

Ash continued, “It was stupid of me to think that I could find anything there that could help me. All I found out was that I’m still trapped in that house. I should’ve died with my parents.”

Ashlyn didn’t hear or see Ali move from the couch to stand in front of her, but she felt her arms around her. Ali’s kindness caused Ashlyn to break even more. She began to weep into Ali’s shoulder. Her body, including her legs, began to shake and Ali was doing all she could to hold her up.

“I’m sorry, Ali. It would’ve been better for you if I would have died in that car accident. It’s not fair to you that I’m so messed up!” Ash said with muffled cries.

Ali helped Ashlyn to the couch and pulled a tissue from a nearby Kleenex box. She wiped Ashlyn’s tears away and left light kisses in their place. She offered her a small, tender smile before wrapping her arms around her and pulling her down until they were both laying on the couch. She held Ash in a protective embrace for a while before she finally spoke.

“Ash, I love you. I would do anything to take your hurt away.” Ali said and squeezed her fiance tighter. “I was angry that you left me. Please don’t ever do that to me again. I can’t breathe when you’re hurting and out of my reach.”

Ashlyn nodded her agreement with her head pressed against Ali’s chest.

“I forgive you, baby.” Ali said. “Can you do me a favor?” Ali felt her fiance nod into her chest again and it made her smile. “Can you try not to be so hard on yourself?”

Ali didn’t feel Ashlyn nod, so she continued. “I know it’s hard. I know you’re hurting, but I need you to focus on the good things instead of the bad. Please try for me.”

“Ok.” Ash answered. Ali thought she sounded hopeful, which gave her hope too.

“Are you ready to talk about what happened?” Ali asked. She assumed she knew where Ash went, but Ashlyn had yet to confirm it.

Ash sniffled and wiped her nose before sitting up and turning to face Ali. “I went to my parents’ house.” She confessed. “I don’t know why I thought it would help. I ended up falling asleep in the storm cellar. I felt like I was getting sick. I don’t know if it was the house or my pathetic attempt to find answers that made me feel that way, but I had no strength. I couldn’t stay there.”

“I’m glad you came home. I wish you would’ve asked me to go with you.” Ali replied.

“Yeah, I, um...I’m sorry about that. I...uh...I wasn’t thinking.” Ash stammered nervously. “When Chris called me I felt like I had so many questions that I didn’t have any answers to. I’m sorry. I should’ve waited for you to tell me what the right thing to do was.”

Ali sighed sadly and shook her head. “Ash, I’m not in charge of you. You’re capable of making up your own mind.” Ali took Ashlyn’s hand and brought it to her lap and continued, “I guess I haven’t been very supportive of you doing things without my approval.” Ali said. She was thinking out loud as she figured out what was happening. “Baby, we’re a team. We are equal partners. I don’t want you to think poorly about yourself because you’re putting me on a pedestal above you. You have an injury and are dealing with the effects of that, but you are not damaged. You are not worth less now than you were before the accident. I wish you could see what I see.”

Ashlyn was struggling to see anything outside of her confusion and self-loathing.

“You know one thing that I really love about you?” Ali asked rhetorically. She brought her fiance’s hand up to her lips and kissed it before answering her own question. “Your strength. Every obstacle you have ever come across, you have overcome. You don’t give up! Your strength is greater than you know, Ash. I believe in you. I believe with all of my heart that you will get through this. I know without a doubt that you can handle this. You wanna know why I’m so confident?” Ali asked.

Ash really wanted to know. She doubted everything about herself. She needed to know what it was about her that made Ali so sure.

“Yes.” Ash answered. She was hoping Ali wasn’t bluffing about her confidence.

“I know you can handle this because I know you. I have seen you not only survive, but overcome, time and time again. There has never been anything that could stop you. You don’t remember your past, but I do. I remember you and Chris telling me about your childhood. I remember marveling at what you had endured and how you had come out on the other side of it stronger and an even better person. Ashlyn...” Ali leaned in toward Ash and put a hand over Ashlyn’s heart. “I remember clear as day, that your heart is strong, and good, and beautiful...and I can’t believe that I get to share this life with you.”

Ali was starting to tear up. She was thinking back on all of the things about her fiance that she had come to admire. Many of the things she knew that Ash had only shared with her. She felt special because loving and being loved by Ashlyn made her feel special.

“I kept thinking about you the whole time.” Ash confessed. “I thought I needed to figure things out on my own, but I just kept wishing you were with me. I guess I thought that meant I was weak.” Ash cleared her throat and added, “But maybe it just means that I’m in love with you.”

Ashlyn’s confession of love shifted the atmosphere around them. Ali’s golden brown eyes darkened. She lunged toward Ash and tackled her against the couch. She smashed her lips hard against Ashlyn’s. Ali proceeded to welcome Ash home properly.

It was a good thing Chris took an extra long time to return to his sister’s house. If he would’ve come home too soon, he might have found his baby sister’s naked body in the throes of passion...and no brother wants to see that.

...

“Thanks for everything, Chris.” Ali said and gave her future brother-in-law a hug. They were at the airport drop off curb.

“Anything for you.” He replied. He gave her one last squeeze and then moved on to say good-bye to his sister. “I’m glad you’re ok, sis.”

“Me, too.” Ash agreed. She gave him a hug and said, “I kept remembering a story. It was weird.” She explained. “Me and you were flying around through the clouds.”

Chris laughed at his sister’s comments. She thought he was making fun of her and her face showed it. Chris quickly tried to remedy the situation. “Ash, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was laughing at you.” He put his hands on her shoulders and held her steady as he continued, “I used to tell you stories about how me and you were superheroes and we flew around and saved kids who were in trouble.”

“Oh...” Ash said. “...no wonder it felt so familiar.”

“You know...” Chris said. His tone was serious and the emotion of the moment had shifted. “...you always said that I was gonna come and save you one day. You said I would _‘save the day.’_ But I have to confess something to you.” He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “You are the one who rescued me. You are the one who _‘saved the day.’_ ”

Ash laughed, ready to protest but Chris stopped her.

“You don’t remember this, but I had let you down for a long time. It was you visiting me that first time after your accident that made me commit to do better. I was on a road that was leading to destruction. You saved me, Ash. You ‘ _saved the day.’_ ” He kissed her forehead, smiled down at her, and said, “You’re my hero, baby sis. You always have been.”

“That’s dumb.” Ash answered her brother’s sweet confession with modest disbelief. “You were always the one taking care of me. I remember enough to know that.”

“If that’s all you remember, then you don’t remember enough.” He said. “You don’t remember the times that you talked me out of trying to kill our father. I was a quick tempered little kid. He would’ve overpowered me and killed me...or I would’ve ended up having to live with the guilt of murdering my own father. I have no doubt that I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for you.”

“Chris...” Ash breathed out quietly. She didn’t really know what else to say.

“One time after I had moved out, he hurt you. He hurt you really bad.” Chris remembered. Ali stood next to Ashlyn with eyes wide in shock. She hoped Chris wasn’t going to bring something up that would hurt her fiance.

Chris continued, “I stood beside your hospital bed and watched you breathe. I was so worried that he had taken you from me.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and said, “I felt like I deserved to be the one in that bed. I went home and contemplated ending it all. I didn’t want to live anymore. I felt so guilty for letting that happen to you.” Chris started to get choked up. His voice trembled as he finished, “But I kept hearing your voice say, _‘Promise me you’ll come back and save the day.’_ Do you remember saying that?” He asked.

“Not really.” Ash admitted sadly. Ali gripped Ash’s hand to remind her that she was there. She wanted her to feel her support.

“I made that promise. And I’m sorry to say, I didn’t keep it. But...” he paused to clear his throat and to try and make his voice stronger. “I really wanted to keep it. I vowed to myself that I would fulfill that promise if it was the last thing I did.”

Chris made sure to make eye contact with Ash before saying, “Your faith in me made me want to do better. It made me choose to keep fighting.”

Ash finally understood what her brother was trying to say. She smiled widely and gave him one more hug. He wrapped her up tight and lifted her off the ground. He bounced her up and down a few times before letting her feet touch the ground.

Chris ended up hugging both women one more time before a police car drove by and an officer told them they had to move on. They were in a no parking drop off zone and they had been standing there for several minutes.

Ash let Ali drive them home as she processed all that had happened that day. Both Chris and her fiance had given her a lot to think about.

...

“You know what, babe?” Ash said. The engaged couple was currently cuddling in bed. Ali had just turned the light out and Ashlyn broke the comfortable silence.

“Hmm?” Ali hummed. She snuggled in to Ashlyn’s shoulder and waited for a reply.

“Your faith makes me want to keep fighting.” Ash answered, repeating what her brother had said to her earlier. “I realized that even if I don’t know it yet, I can trust your belief in me.”

Ash kissed the top of her now very emotional fiance's head and said, “I just wanted you to know that I’m not gonna give up on myself. Thank you for making me feel worth the fight.”

That was the first time since the accident that Ali felt like everything was going to work out like her and Ashlyn had dreamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end. There is at least one chapter left...maybe two, if I get long winded. (Which is a BIG possibility.) Thanks for reading and for being awesome.


	30. Found (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things...
> 
> 1\. This is sorta short. I had to split up the ending and this was the best way to do it.
> 
> 2\. Remember that I love you.
> 
> 3\. Don't hate me...

"Are ya nervous?" Ash asked while talking on the phone with Ali. 

Ali was with her family at her Dad's house getting her hair done by her brother. The couple hadn't seen each other since the night before at their wedding rehearsal.

"Baby, the only thing I'm nervous about is something going wrong and keeping us from getting married. I've been waiting for this day for far too long." Ali answered.

"Nothing's gonna stop us this time, babe. No worries." Ash replied.

"I wish I was as confident as you." Ali answered. She heard someone in the background talking to Ash.

"Hold on a sec." Ashlyn said and muted her phone. She came back a few seconds later and said, "Stay chill, babe. Everything's gonna be fine. I gotta go. Me and Chris are gonna go do some super dangerous and risky stuff. Love you."

Ash hung up before her fiancé could scold her. Ali just shook her head and said to herself, "This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life."

She couldn’t help but smile.

...

Both brides had arrived at the church. Ali showed up about two hours before Ashlyn. She worried every second that Ash was gonna break a limb hanging out with her brother. She was sure that her soon-to-be wife was going to show up in a wheel chair. 

When she received Ash’s text announcing that she was in the building, she couldn’t help but reply. “Baby, please tell me you’re in one piece.”

“Of course. Why? Have you been worrying again? What did I tell you about that? You totally need to chill, Babezilla.” Ash joked. Ali thought she was absolutely ridiculous. She also thought she was the best thing that ever happened to her. 

“Fine. Whatever you say. I have to finish getting ready. I can’t wait to marry you, Ashlyn. I love you so much!”

“Love you, too.”

...

The time had finally arrived. Ali took a deep breath and signaled to her dad that she was ready.

The two of them were standing outside of a set of closed double doors leading to a room filled with friends and family. Ali smoothed out the imaginary creases in her dress and anxiously waited for the wedding coordinator to tell her it was time to make her grand entrance.  
   
Ali thought back on the extra long journey she and Ashlyn had to take to finally get to this day. She closed her eyes and sent a prayer of thanks to God for bringing her soulmate back to her.

Ashlyn was waiting on the other side of the doors. She stood at the front of the room with her brother next to her and waited for the doors to open and reveal her bride.

Ashlyn wasn't nervous. In the course of time that it had taken for her to get to her wedding day there were many days of uncertainty, but Ali was one thing that she was certain of after the car crash. The first moment she saw Ali after her accident, without even knowing who she was, Ash knew she was safe with her. 

Ali was her guardian angel.

Ashlyn heard the string quartet begin to play the song that Ali had picked out to walk down the aisle to. She knew that her bride would be walking toward her any second. She fixed her eyes on the doors and gasped when she saw her fiancé and future father-in-law walk in. 

Ashlyn and Ali couldn't take their eyes off of each other. Ash's face wore a small but sincere smile. She heard her brother whisper, “Breathe, Ash.” Ali's beauty had literally taken her breath away. 

Ali's smile reached her eyes. She couldn't hide the fact that she was bursting with joy in that moment. She wanted to marry Ashlyn a long time ago. The fact that the day had arrived and her future wife was healthy and happy was all she ever wanted.

Like they had rehearsed the day before, Ali and her father stopped a few feet away from Ashlyn and waited for the minister to speak a few words about commitment and family. Ashlyn started to bounce a little as she excitedly waited for her bride to come near her. It felt much too long for her to have to wait, when in reality it was only about a minute.

After Ali's dad gave her a kiss on the cheek, he led her to Ash and surprised both brides by kissing Ashlyn's cheek too. Once he had stepped down and taken his seat next to Ali's mother, the minister continued.

Ashlyn took her bride's hand and once again, the couple only had eyes for each other. Ali laughed when Ashlyn didn't hear the cue the minister had given to her. Ashlyn was distracted by her fiancé's beautiful and kind eyes. 

Ali was glowing and Ashlyn was captivated. 

...

The minister might as well not have even been there. All eyes were on the couple who were undeniably madly in love. Ashlyn kept cracking jokes and making Ali laugh at the most inappropriate moments. Ali was loving the fact that Ashlyn's personality was coming out, proving even more to her that her sweet Ashlyn was back.

Ali squeezed Ashlyn's hand to get her to pay attention to the pastor, because it was now time to say their vows.

They had flipped a coin at the rehearsal the day before and determined that Ali would go first.

"Ashlyn Michelle Harris, I love you with my whole heart. I will always be the safe place you can come to when you're lost."

Ashlyn followed by clearing her throat and saying, "Alexandra Blaire Krieger, I love you. And I've been given a great gift. I've gotten to fall in love with you all over again."

Ali's eyes started to glisten as Ashlyn continued. "Alex, don't give up on me. I will find you..."

Ali's blissful face turned into confusion as she tried to make sense of Ashlyn's words. She saw her soon-to-be wife's eyes roll into the back of her head and watched as she fell to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS...I had to leave you with one more dramatic cliffhanger before the end, right?


	31. Found (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the end. Thank you for sticking with me. I have loved hearing from you and sharing this story with you. I hope you enjoy this final update.

Ali faithfully sat next to Ashlyn’s bedside. Like every other day since Ashlyn slipped into a coma, Ali washed her face, brushed her hair, gave her a sponge bath, changed Ash’s hospital gown, and brought her fresh flowers. Ali spent the day talking to Ashlyn about their life together and about Ashlyn’s past. She hoped that Ashlyn would subconsciously hang on to one of the memories and find her way back to her.

...

_Ashlyn didn’t see a flash of light anymore. She was surrounded by a bright white light that made her eyes hurt. She had to partially cover them with her hand to hide from the shine. She looked behind her and saw darkness, but it felt comfortable. It felt easier to go back than to fight to go forward. She debated if she should stop walking forward and go back to the darkness where she could rest._

_The journey into the light was difficult and unknown. There was no guarantee that it would lead her to a better place. All she knew was that she was tired and could vaguely hear a familiar voice coming from the light._

_She determined in her heart that she had to keep searching._

...

Ali wiped at her eyes as she continued to tell Ashlyn about the day they were supposed to get married. “You and I argued for almost an hour about whether we should have a string quartet or a harpist. Of course, you let me have my way. You always do. You’re usually more concerned with my happiness than being right.”

Ali was holding Ashlyn’s hand as she reminisced. Her heart was breaking. She rested her head on Ashlyn and her hands and cried. Her tears fell and hit their intertwined fingers.

When Ali finally caught her breath, she leaned up and kissed Ashlyn’s lips. She touched their foreheads together and said, “Please come back to me. Whatever you have to do to find me...where ever you are...please!” Ali was desperate. She begged the Love of her life to fight for their future together.

Ali heard a knock on the door and straightened up. She dried her eyes and greeted Ashlyn’s brother. “Hey, Chris.”

“Any change?” He asked.

“No. The doctor is going to talk to you about that.” Ali said sadly.

It had been a month since Ashlyn’s car accident. The doctors were all agreed that without a miracle it was time to talk about ending Ashlyn’s treatment. Her organs were healthy, but her mind was gone. They had been keeping her alive with a feeding tube, but the expense of the tests and treatment was adding up. Because Ash and Ali weren’t married yet, Chris was the next of kin and had to make the final decision. He promised Ali he wouldn’t do anything unless they were in agreement. He knew that would be what Ashlyn would want.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Chris said.

He sat on the other side of Ashlyn’s bed and held back his own tears. Over the last month he and Ali had seen each other break down dozens of times. There was no need to hide their emotion from one another.

“We can’t give up on her, Chris. She’s still fighting. I know it!” Ali cried. She held tightly to Ashlyn’s hand and squeezed it as she spoke. “Please don’t give up on her. If we let her go, we die with her.”

He nodded his head in agreement. Neither of them could imagine a world without Ashlyn. For him, she was everything good in his life. She gave his life purpose and hope.

“It’s a hard decision.” Chris said. He was completely exhausted. His inability to sleep was adding to his difficulty to think straight. “I know that she wouldn’t want you to spend your life savings on medical care.”

One of the ways that Chris decided he could help his sister was to watch out for Ali and her best interests. It was a balancing act between wanting what was best for his sister and what was best for the woman she loved.

“Chris, who cares about money?” Ali cried out. “This is her life we’re talking about. We wait as long as it takes to bring her back.”

Ali broke. She began to weep into Ashlyn’s side. Chris hurried to the other side of the bed to try to comfort her. Ali turned into him and let him hold her. He looked over Ali’s shoulder and searched his sister’s face for a sign of hope. He needed something to hold on to if he was going to be able to be strong enough to get through this time.

...

_As Ashlyn wandered in the light, she gasped for air. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. A wave of water pulled her under and no matter how hard she tried to swim, it pulled her further and further away._

...

“Hey, Daddy.” Ali greeted her father and let him hug and kiss her before she returned to Ashlyn’s side.

“Hi, Princess. I brought you something to eat.” Her dad said and handed her a bag of sliced fruit and a sandwich.

This was a daily routine for him. He knew his daughter wasn’t eating well. He didn’t think she was sleeping well, either. Though he couldn’t do much about the sleeping problem, he could do something about the eating. He would bring her food every day. As she ate he would sit with Ashlyn and tell her jokes. Ali thought it was wildly inappropriate to laugh beside a comatose patient, but Ash and her dad had a special relationship.

They were constantly joking at the worst possible times. Ali was often rolling her eyes at their shared irreverent sense of humor. Last Christmas they went to church with Ali’s family and her dad and Ashlyn cracked jokes throughout the service, including during the closing prayer. Ali was certain she caught the pastor glaring at them while everyone else had their eyes closed.

“Alex, I think she might be getting tired of listening to soap operas all afternoon.” Ali’s dad joked as he gestured to a nearby tv that was playing a daytime drama quietly.

“I just have it on as background noise. The silence is daunting. When I talk to her and don’t hear anything in return...” Ali paused as she tried to temper a wave of emotion. “...it’s hard.”

“I know, Sweetheart. All of this is hard. You two are just kids. You shouldn't have to endure this.” He replied. “If I could take her place I would. If I could make this all go away for you two...” Ken cleared his throat and then stole a strawberry from his daughter’s plate to lighten the mood. They had shared many emotional moments together over the last four weeks.

The weight of sorrow was beginning to be too heavy to carry.

...

_Ashlyn stopped struggling.She stopped trying to swim upstream. She let the wave carry her away. As she took a breath, her lungs filled with water and she sank. She looked above and searched through the top of the water. She felt as though she was moving in slow motion, sinking within the bubbles and foam. She saw a flash of something on the surface. Something beautiful. She knew she was about to die, but needed to see what was above her. She coughed up the water from her lungs and started to swim again. Her legs and arms pushed the water beneath her and as her head poked through the glassy surface she found what she was looking for._

...

Ali, Ken, and Chris were talking quietly when a machine next to Ali’s seat started going crazy. Ashlyn’s heart rate was dangerously high. Ken quickly pressed the call button while Ali and Chris looked on with fear. They all wondered if this was Ashlyn’s way of telling them to let go. If she had a heart attack and died, they wouldn’t have to be traumatized by making the decision to stop keeping her alive.

They watched Ashlyn gasp for air. Ali thought for sure this was it. She was about to lose the woman she loved. It wasn’t until she opened her eyes that they realized she wasn’t leaving them. She was finding them.

“Ashlyn!” Ali cried out. She held her hand and hugged her tightly.

A nurse rushed in to check on the patient hooked up to the beeping machine. She turned the sound off and took Ashlyn’s vitals.

Ken hugged his daughter from behind and said, “We need to give her space.” He pulled her back a few steps as they watched the nurse work.

“Ashlyn, I’m right here.” Ali called out. She didn’t want Ashlyn to thing she had abandoned her. “Daddy, I need to be beside her.” She begged.

The nurse heard her protests and sympathized with her. She said, “Come over here and hold her hand, while I finish up.”  


 Ali rushed to her side and watched as her fiance’s confused eyes lit up when they found her own. “Baby, you’re ok. I’m right here.”

A doctor checked on Ashlyn and confirmed that she was stable. She was confused and hadn’t spoken a word since she had woken up. The doc said that she was in shock and they needed to wait until she had calmed down to really know what condition her mind was in.

Ali asked Chris for his permission to have some alone time with Ashlyn. She had gone to great lengths during the last month to make sure he felt important and necessary for Ashlyn’s recovery. She wanted to respect his position as Ashlyn’s closest relative. He had drifted off for a while in the past, but when he heard Ashlyn was injured, he dropped everything to be with her.

Chris agreed to give the couple some privacy and kissed his sister’s forehead. “I love you, sis. Remember you’re a superhero and have superpowers. You’ll be out flying in no time.” He said referring to the childhood stories they used to share. He laughed nervously and patted Ali on the shoulder as he left the room.

Ali waited for Chris to close the door behind him and then gave her fiance her full attention. “Ashlyn, I’m so happy to be able to look into your beautiful eyes again.”

Ash was exhausted. She was having difficulty keeping her eyes open and Ali knew it. “Listen,” Ali said. “I know you’re tired. It’s ok if you need to rest, but I think everyone would feel a lot better if we knew you were really back. The doctor said it’s possible you might have lost your memory, or even worse. Baby, can you talk to me? Can you please just let me know that you’re ok.”

Ali watched as Ashlyn closed her eyes. She wanted to cry. She knew that if Ash understood, she would do everything in her power to comfort and reassure her. She closed her own eyes and let her head rest on the side of Ashlyn’s hospital bed.

After a few seconds of crying, Ali felt a movement next to her. Ash had turned her head towards her, in an attempt to kiss her head. Ali immediately brought her head up and caught Ashlyn’s eyes looking straight through her.

“Ash.” Ali whispered.

She lightly traced the outline of Ashlyn’s face and waited in the thickness of the potential hope of the moment.

“Alex...” Ashlyn breathed out. The volume of her voice was quieter than a whisper.

“You remember me?” Ali said through joyful tears.

Ashlyn closed her eyes and opened them slowly as she said, “I found you.”

...

Ashlyn struggled for the next few days to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time. But she did eventually make a full recovery. Ashlyn explained to Ali that the time she spent in the coma felt like she was living life in the real world, searching for the truth of who she was and where she belonged.

Ali told her about the one sided conversations she and Chris had had with her while she was unconscious. They figured out that many of the memories shared were the same things Ashlyn was working through in her mind while in the coma. Ash described it as needing to find out how to be herself and know who she was and what was worth living for. She told Ali that she was at the top of her list.

“Did you find what you were looking for? Where you belong?” Ali asked.

“Yeah.” Ash told her. “I found you. I belong with you.”

...

They were able to keep their original wedding date. Chris stood proudly by his baby sister’s side as she married her best friend. After hours of celebrating and dancing with their friends and families, Ali and Ashlyn set off for their honeymoon. Their days and nights on the white shores of their favorite beach were filled with lots of love making and overflowing glasses of wine.

On the last night of their honeymoon, Ashlyn pulled out a string and tied it around Ali’s wrist and said, “Like two loose ends knotted together, we are imperfectly perfect. I love you, Alex. I’m so grateful we found each other again.”

“Where did this come from?” Ali asked, pulling on the tied string.

“When I was figuring things out I re-proposed to you and tied a string around your finger.” Ash explained. “That was the moment in my journey where I realized that if we’re together we can overcome anything.” She kissed her beautiful wife and said, “I never would’ve made it back if it wasn’t for you.”

“Thank you for working so hard to get back to me.” Ali replied. She kissed Ash and then said, “You saved both of our lives.”

After the romantic moment was over Ali sat up excitedly and said, “So, let’s talk babies!”

Ashlyn fell down on the ground and replied with her eyes closed, “I can’t talk now I’m in a coma.”

 

...

And they ALL (including their future babies) lived happily ever after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always love a story with a twist. I hope you do too.
> 
> Also, you guys have no idea how much I hate the fact that this story ended on chapter 31 and not an even 30.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think.


End file.
